Hubs won't get the snip!!

[241719robs]

Am I being unreasonable that my hubby wont even consider getting the snip? He just replies with 'maybe one day'.

We have children already and I am 99% DONE. My body has been through enough and mentally Im burnt out. After contraception for years, pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding I dont want to go back on contraception or risk condoms etc. I know vasectomies are not 100% but better than me having to go through invasive procedures again. Im also late for my period and after 2 negative pregnancy tests Ive explained how unfair it is for me to be worrying about this every month. He basically ignored me as he knew what I was getting at.

Am I being a b*tch? Hes not had to go through anything physically and its not like I’m asking him to chop his bits off 🥲

His body his decision just because the two of you are done doesn’t mean anything won’t change in the future if you end up not being together

Same here. I've not been on the pill since my late 20's. The pill totally messes me up and makes my migraines worse. DP won't get the snip so he wears condoms. There's still a risk of pregnancy but it seems like the best compromise for both of us. Plus I don't have to have the mess of his jizz everywhere. 😂

Sorry, but he will be getting it elsewhere

You are asking him to have a simple procedure that could be performed on your dining table without specialist equipment!

During my second pregnancy I realised that two was my magic number, and because my daughter was breech I was told a VBAC wasn’t possible I was delighted to be told by my consultant that because I was over 35 I could have a sterilisation during the c-section!

If things had been different I am certain that if my husband had refused the snip I would have gone ahead with a sterilisation anyway… not least because the sterilisation would be far easier on my body than another pregnancy and birth…

If your family is completed then make a GP appointment for sterilisation!

I can’t tell you how much more enjoyable sex is knowing that there wont be any pregnancy risks or fear of pregnancy from having fun!

If something happens in the future and you regret your decision you could still have IVF to conceive but the snip isn’t always reversible.

How old are you both?
I was married and had 2 kids by 23, sadly that marriage failed and I eventually remarried in my 30’s and had 2 more kids. Snip came at early 40s when I was sure I didn’t want more and my ‘youngest’ was 2.

Just to add, 25 hours after my second C-Section and sterilisation I was at home… and 28 hours after both operations I walked to my daughters day nursery to pick her up and let her show off her new sister!

…then again, neither is she.

Mine wouldn't do it either but I was quite sure after four children that I didn't want more. So I went and had clips put on my tubes, it was done laparoscopically as a day patient.

It isn't that straightforward though is it. Withholding sex to get your way with something else is coercive. Saying you are not prepared to have sex while there is a risk of pregnancy - that's not coercion, that is a decision about your body.

After two babies, one emergency forceps delivery that left me incapacitated for nine months, cervical cancer and a termination, it was most definitely my husband's turn to step up. Fortunately, he agreed to a vasectomy without any fuss, probably because he knew that the choice was going to the clinic or the DIY version. I really can't understand w,hy women think it's okay to let men have a constant free ride while we shoulder all of the burdens.

There's measure you can take it's your body. Have a hysterectomy you can't force someone who isn't ready to have a treatment. But you can take charge of your own body. Or stop having sex with him simple.

Just as vasectomy reversal has a variable success rate, IVF isn’t always successful, and very expensive if not available on NHS .

People who don't know the difference between hysterectomy and tubal ligation shouldn't get an opinion on the subject.

Who here can't tell the difference? You don't get to decide who gets an opinion.

Anyone who thinks a hysterectomy is equivalent to a vasectomy clearly isn't informed enough to have a reasoned opinion. I guess they can have an opinion, but it would he worthless.

💯

So you can't tell me who can't tell the difference.

The posts I have read haven't said it's equal, just that it's an option available to her if she won't trust contraception.

I can’t imagine there are many NHS trusts that can afford or would be willing to carry out a hysterectomy on a healthy woman, simply for contraception (or for any other elective reason). It’s hard enough getting a tubal ligation on the nhs. So no, it’s not an option available to her.

ETA Id have thought it was pretty obvious that an operation that would plunge a woman into early menopause wouldn’t be readily available on the nhs for elective reasons.

I'm not going to single anyone out, because I'm not here to belittle individuas for the sake of it. There have been numerous examples throughout the thread.
People cannot be making informed choices about their reproductive health with this gaping hole in their knowledge of the matter.

i sympathise OP - tough position. For what it’s worth, my view is that everyone is an individual and has the right to self determination of their own body. Imagine how you would feel if the situation wa reversed. People encouraging your husband to make threats at you… “do X or forget about Y.” “If you don’t do A then B will happen.” If the situation was reversed and you asked advise the same people would be howling that you should leave him immediately or call the police!

I really understand how you are feeling. Our DD is now 15 and I have been asking (well pleading) with DH to get the snip since she was 2. Unfortunately he has an irrational fear of hospitals.
We used condoms for 13 years and then I was fitted with a coil for heavy periods due to peri/menopausal reasons. He is cuffed to bits now that he doesn't "need" to get a vasectomy.

I resisted getting a coil before as I was worried about the pain, but it wasn't as bad as I expected and at least now my periods are so much better and I don't need to worry about getting pregnant. Hopefully I will be through the menopause when it is time to have it removed and DH not having a vasectomy will be resolved.
To be honest, I didn't get sterilised as I have never had any operations and was scared and the recovery time involved as DH is normally away working all week.

Is a man suggesting starting a family, saying I think we should have kids any different than the female party saying we are now a complete family, no more kids.
If a man suggests children together he’s asking the woman to grow and give birth to a human, it’s exhausting, it can leave permanent damage, it’s a big toll on the mental health and it can have an impact on her career. But she will do it to have children FOR THEM. Yet when she asks if he can do this so they can enjoy a sex life together without risk, which is FOR THEM. Nooooo absolutely not.
OP you are not being unreasonable to think that everything your body has been through, it would be the decent thing for him to do his share of the contraception. It’s now time to say, that’s fine I respect your decision but my decision is I’m not willing to take the risk so unfortunately that means we can no longer have a sex life together.

Tough one isn't it, he is using condoms and at the end of the day, his body, his choice eh

It does appear you are belittling people though by saying they're not intelligent enough to have an opinion.

Now who's showing themselves up as not being informed enough to have an opinion?

Hysterectomy doesn't cause menopause because the ovaries are left behind. If you just want to be unable to carry a child, or you need a hysterectomy due to something like fibroids or heavy bleeding that can't be stopped by hormonal treatment then the uterus will be taken while the ovaries are left behind to prevent early menopause because the ovaries aren't causing a problem.

A radical hysterectomy takes the ovaries too and this is only done if there is a risk of ovarian cancer or there is a problem with the ovaries like endometriomas, cysts or a hormonal issue like PMDD that would be resolved by menopause. It also takes the cervix and is used for cervical cancer.

So no, hysterectomy doesn't cause early menopause, oophorectomy does, which is only performed when a woman has a RADICAL hysterectomy.

A simple hysterectomy probably wouldn't be available on an elective basis because tubal litigation is easier but it would be available if there were also bleeding or pain issues and wouldn't cause menopause if you were to have one.

I suggest you educate yourself before trying to make other people look stupid and saying they aren't allowed opinions.