DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

If she’s 25 then it’s not really anything to do with you. Just let her live her life.

Why do you think it's so wrong? They are both adults.

You can’t do anything and anything you do will push her away. She’s an adult. Just be there to discuss candidly if she wishes. It will likely blow over….

When I was 26 I started a relationship with a 52 year old. We were together for a few years and I have very fond memories of our time together. I have no regrets whatsoever.

Why do you think he is using her

You can't convince her to stop seeing him and she might dig her heels in if you insist. I'm sure it won't last but she's an adult and it's a consensual relationship.

Maybe they're using each other. Maybe they like each other. Either way you can't do anything.

I wouldn't like it either, but if you go against them then you're driving a wedge between you and your dd and pushing her towards him.

All you can do is be a safe and supportive space for your dd, and hope she gets bored soon.

I have heard the type of person he is, small village, still going through a divorce too. I just can't see it ending very well.

Just support her, anything else will push her away

He's twice her age it's disgusting!

It is gross but what can you do?
Does she have daddy issues?

OP, I’d be worried too but I’m not sure what you can do other than hope it runs its course.

Wouldn’t be happy with that either, ask her how she would feel about being with someone who will be collecting their old age pension in 17 years

I had a 6 month relationship with a 45 year old when I was 25. He was recently divorced. It was a lovely relationship and he ended it because he recognised we were at different stages in life and would want different things in future.
I'd let your daughter get on with it just like my parents did, and hopefully it will come to a natural end.

She's old enough to make her own decisions tho so ....

Yes, she's an adult and he might be a "delight" but it's certainly not something I'd want for my 25 year old daughter either. I'd definitely question the motives of a man wanting to date someone easily young enough to be his daughter.

But, if you're too vocal, OP she'll make like they're Romeo and Juliet, so bide your time and let it fizzle out. TBH she could get hurt by someone of any age.

I wouldn't be keen, but it wouldn't be my decision

If there is obvious signs of abuse or anything, I'd step in, but if there isn't, you should accept it or cut ties. It is your child's decision, not yours

Sorry but I disagree. He is almost certainly doing something wrong.

What could a 50 year old possibly have in common with a 24 year old? They are at completely different life stages.

OPs DD has feelings for him, so is clearly seeing this as something more. He is likely a manipulative old perve who is taking advantage of her lack of life experience.

If I was OP I'd be having a conversation with her about where she sees this relationship going and what questions she should be asking him.

I think it's natural to be concerned about such a big age gap, but your DD is 25 and capable of making adult decisions. Even if you think she's being used, that could still happen with someone closer to her age. I would have a serious issue if she's more immature than she actually is or vulnerable for some reason.

Whilst it's not something I think I would do personally (get with someone that much ypunger/older), some people find happiness, whether it's a few months/years or longer term.

My uncle was 19 when he began a relationship with a 37 year old married women with 3 children. This was way before I was even born but for obvious reasons my nan (his mum) was furious. They're still happily together 40 years later.

When I was 23 I was in a relationship with a 39 year old father of two young children who was in an open marriage. It was clearly a completely ridiculous relationship. It was covert and I never told my parents about it. But if they had known and objected (which they obviously would have) I might have dug my heels in. I would advise to remain silent for now OP. She will very likely move on.

100% this

I agree with this, the kind of man who goes for someone this young is not the kind of man you want with your daughter.

For the sake of your relationship with your daughter, outwardly you accept it and keep your thoughts to yourself until she's at serious risk.

Inwardly, you hope she realises that it's not a relationship of equals and that different life stages will be enough for it to run it's course.

She's an adult and you can't control her choices. Try to will only lead to friction, diversion and build a wall between you.