DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

It's her choice OP, and his age and the fact that he is divorce have little to do with what kind of person he is and whether he is likely to treat her badly. If it doesn't work out, she will walk away. I have a friend who is 22 years younger than her partner and seventeen years later, he is devoted to her and makes her happy.

It is, because it is grim. Sleeping with children the same age as your own children. It’s just weird and sickening. It shows a very shallow character that doesn’t connect beyond the exterior.

A 25 year old is not a child. Come on.

How can you know that? No doubt he's very pleased to be having sex with a younger woman, but he may love and respect her as well.

Nothing you can do.
Hopefully it will fizzle out.
Is he (still) married?

Maybe she's using him. Perhaps she's the disgusting one, going after a man twice her age. Before MN jumps on me, I don't actually think that, I wouldn't call either of them disgusting to be honest, but I don't agree with this tendency to paint the women as victims in these situations. They are both adults, and unless there are particular vulnerabilities involved, I'm going to assume that they are both getting something out of the relationship.

I would ask your dd to consider how it will feel to never have children. He is much too old now to have a baby by the time they finally commit. It’s a big sacrifice to make.

Not every woman wants children. Equally, no one knows how long this relationship will last. She could move on from it in a few months or a year.

It may well be just sex. No need to panic.

I wouldn't be happy either. The age difference is far too great. However, there is ,little you can do about it.

Yuk, he's disgusting. Also a weak, spineless individual for leaping into this relationship straight after his divorce.

I don't blame you, OP. But unfortunately there's nothing you can do. Support her. Otherwise you run the risk of pushing her away.

I wouldn't be happy with the age gap either. She's obviously using him for his money.

I am 25 and my partner is about to turn 50. Whilst I appreciate that not everyone approves of this, we are very happy.

My mum struggles with the age gap element. However, she is supportive of me because she can see that I am happy and as her daughter I really appreciate that. She shares her concerns gently with me and we talk about it. We are still very close.

Some family members have been more vocal about their negative feelings. Whilst they are entirely entitled to their own opinions, they have made it clear that I don't have their support and I have stopped being open with those people as I don't feel I can be myself which has affected my relationship with them.

I suppose what I'm trying to say is that as someone in your DDs position, the thing I most appreciate is support. I don't expect my mum to be 100% comfortable with it, but she makes me feel like she still has my back and supports me as her daughter.

I hope this makes sense and is maybe a helpful perspective x

😊

FFS 25 isn't a child. Stop infantalising

And not all 50 year old men are haggard and crinkly. In fact most of them aren't. Pretty fucking insulting tbh.

When I was 19 I was seeing a guy, who was a lot older. He came in one day and talked to my stepdad; it was just obvious they were much more peers than the guy and me. Invite him in is my advice. Have a chat with him about life and the universe and she will hopefully see he's more your age than hers.

God, that is just grim isn't it. What a creep he must be.

All you can do is grin and bear it and hope it fizzles out. If you object you'll push her further towards him. Invite him round and pretend to like him whilst getting in a few pa digs .

And she could well be using him to finance a lifestyle she can't afford.

I'm not sure I would love it but she's an adult. I met the man I would marry at her age, we've been together 20 years. I wasn't a child when I met him, I was a grown woman making my own decisions as she is.

Gross. Nothing you can do sadly. See if you can submit a Clare's Law check on him and see if anything turns up

MN is ridiculous

Making out a 25 year old is a child, that a woman must be being used by a man, that he must only be using her

She's 25. Not a child, an adult able to make her own choices. It's entirely possible she is using him for money or otherwise.

I actually know people in this situation and actually it's the man being taken for a ride.

Prior to meeting her he was single, 100% owned his own home, mortgage free, had savings, travelled a lot.

Then met his now wife. 3 years later, they are married, she wanted to move nearer to her parents, so he did but it's a much more expensive area and it's a bigger house (she wanted a bigger house not him), so he now has a mortgage and only 50% share in the property. She worked part-time when she met him and said she was looking for full time, but actually since they married she has reduced her hours even further.

She rules the roost, contributes virtually nothing financially but will soon get angry with him if he spends money on himself or refuses to waste money on yet another take away. It's a shit show and I feel very sorry for him.

I am not saying OPs daughter is doing this, but it's a massive generalisation to imply he must be the one on the make/take.

He’s probably good in bed and takes her to nice restaurants.

Your child remains your child regardless of age, and if you are screwing someone young enough to be your child it’s really yucky.

Yes ALL men are crinkly and haggard over 50, especially compared to a youngster in their 20s!! Even slim men have paunches, whiskers and are greying or are losing hair. You can’t say otherwise! If they are pumping with Botox and hair dye or stick on hair its even worse!

Neither men nor women are haggard and crinkly at 50 I agree. However, compared to a 25yr old they are well past their prime.

While I would have not problem with a 50yr bloke now obviously, when I was 25 I would indeed have found them boring and crinkly. It is how you usually view older people when you are young and gorgeous!

Yanbu I'd be horrified too but I don't think there is a lot you can do, just hope it runs its course!!

But they aren't A child. Referring to them in this way is infantalising them

And I'm just going to ignore your gross ageism and insults tbh