DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

You're a grown adult at 25. Not a child.
Butt out unless you want to push her away.

I wouldn’t like it OP either if it was my dd. In fact if it was my dd that would make him older than me as I won’t be 50 by the time she’s 25!

but she’s an adult and unfortunately can do what she likes. You kind of have to accept it or you risk driving her away (and straight into his arms). Just be there to support her when it inevitably goes tits up.

I had a relationship with a 'very much older man' when I was in my twenties. I don't regret it. I got bored, though. Your dd will get bored, OP.

Whatever your views on it, your daughter has been an adult for some years now so it's up to her really.

Your daughter is full competent adult and has been for some years. You can think what you like, but nothing you should or need to say.

I wouldn't like it either but she's an adult and has to make her own mistakes, I wouldn't interfere she will just push you away be supportive to her so if it goes badly she won't be afraid to turn to you .

If he’s loaded, they’re possibly using each other, as others have said.

If not, who knows. They might be in love. I can see why it’s upsetting, I’d be bothered by it too. However there’s nothing you can do but be there if / when she needs you.

She is an adult. Of course, OP, you don't say anything. You must not "convince her" in any way, because it's nothing to do with you. Only if she actually asks you for advice can you venture to offer an opinion (and it's still her choice).

He is using her for sex and to boost his ego. He knows what he is doing.

Do you see your DD as emotionally vulnerable in some way?

What need in her do you think he fulfils? Is there a way that any vulnerability could be resolved elsewhere - eg if she is lonely could you encourage her to pick up with friends her own age.

What have you heard about his character locally that concerns you?
Does he have children - has she been introduced/spent time with them?

Sometimes addicts/drinkers bond?

I agree with others not to show judgement - but I would do the opposite - kill them with kindness....invite round for dinner etc - throw light on it all.

What are her peers up to?

I wouldn't like this op but I think this is one of the occasions you have to decide do you love her more than you dislike him?
You don't have to like it or even approve of it but just watch what unasked opinions you give.

The worst thing you could do is try to intervene. I would have told my parents in no uncertain terms to butt out if I’d been in this situation.

The likelihood is that this will run its course, without any outside interference. But as others have said, put your two penneth in and you’ll probably push her towards him even more.

Yes. Me too. Something very similar. Also have nice memories.

Isn’t that a fairly similar age gap as Boris and Carrie Johnson?

He is possibly feeling younger, more desirable and more interesting than he has in years. She is possibly enjoying being with someone with more experience of life in all its many facets, possibly more interesting in bed, possibly more financially solvent than many men her own age. New relationships are usually fun and they usually fizzle out - she may find he’s still sleeping with his wife, or with a selection of other women. Whatever, she’s not 16 and you really have to respect her choice of partner unless he’s obviously dangerous (eg violent, drug dealer, career criminal etc).

Grim and all these posters saying it’s not a problem obv don’t have DDs in their 20s.

I agree she’s an adult and it’s her business but I wouldn’t like it at all, creepy fucker.

I'm in the 'just be there for her' camp. Doesn't sound like a healthy power dynamic, although that isn't a total given. I did have a friend who in her 30s was with a man 3 decades older and they were very happy together for over ten years until his death. But yes, more often than not something isn't right - though she's an adult and I guess old enough to bear the risk with your support.

It's not ideal but nothing you can do.

It's disgusting but there's nothing you can do about it. Hopefully she will see sense. That age gap is bigger than me and my parents.

Sadly you can’t do anything the more you object the more she will find him interesting

I am his age the thought of being in a relationship with a 25 year old turns my stomach, I just can’t find someone so young attractive and certainly not have anything in common with them

it will likely fizzle out and she will look at him soon and think what a creep

Invite him over, be super welcoming and then bond like crazy. Chat about old TV shows, have 80s music on in the background, ask him about his retirement plans for the future. At the end say to dd you absolutely adore him and he is just your type. That you can see him fitting in beautifully as you have so much in common. If that doesn’t give her the ick nothing will.

Might not be something many of us would go for, but fail to see how it's 'disgusting'?

I went out with someone of a similar age gap. Lovely guy, but - I ended it as he was the immature one, living like a teenager. She’ll work it out.

At 25 it really is her decision to make. Whatever you think, tread carefully in what you say so as not to alienate her. Chances are it will be relatively short lived.

I dated a 43 year old when i was 19 no regrets at all great sex lasted about 18 months and i moved on.
Op there is nothing you can do stay out of it just be there if it goes south.

It is, because it is grim. Sleeping with children the same age as your own children. It’s just weird and sickening. It shows a very shallow character that doesn’t connect beyond the exterior.

I used to have men leech on to me and their haggard old bodies and crinkly faces and fetid breath is really off putting. I don’t know how she got past that.