DD relationship with 50 yr old

[Bonniethecat1]

I have found out my DD is in sexual relationship with a man who turned 50 in August and she is not far off turning 25.. I think he is using her and how can I convince her to stop seeing him, she actually has admitted feelings for him, aibu to think this is so wrong? I can't stand this.

Do you get on well with his daughter, is she a similar age to you?

So is your assumption here that somehow, the man in this picture was actually interested in children and is only attracted to the woman because he knew her as a child?

That seems kind of a stretch.

My great grandfather married a daughter of a friend, there was quite a large gap in ages. She was 26 though at the time. I just can't see why anyone would think, he was interested in her as a child, rather than, he is interested in her as an adult?

Again, having a relationship with someone old enough to be your parent is weird .

No it isn't illegal obviously but everyone will judge those in 25yr age gap relationships.

@CellophaneFlower Stalker! 😂 I'm flattered.
I love good men.
Not perverts.
I speak about it on a site designed for talking.
It works both ways, older men and older women going for younger is grim as fuck.

Exactly this.

I've dated 2 men 4 years younger than myself, not a massive gap, but younger all the same. Both were physically and mentally abusive. One especially was really controlling, wanted to tell me how to dress, how to behave. The 2 significantly older men I've dated, 13 and 15 years older, were respectful and never would have laid a hand on me. Just to add I had a child already at the time I dated the older men so they certainly weren't bothered I didn't have a "childless body". That comment earlier I found particularly disgusting.

@Gloriia shes actually nearly ten years younger than me. She doesn’t have children and won’t be having any. She’s very happy for us. But as we both have largely kept our lives and homes separate there’s not been any impact really on her - she hasn’t met my children for example as her dad and I largely spend time together when I’m child free.

So you can't actually give an indication at which age it becomes creepy?

If you have parents who waited until their 40s (which does happen) does that make 25 between 20 and 45 OK because your parents would be in their 60s? If your parents were a teen pregnancy then, as said above, they'd be in their mid-30s when you were 20. That limits your dating pool.

What about if your parents have a 10 year age gap? Is it acceptable to date in age nearer the younger one?

it does not help when some celebrities normalise age gap relationships, Cher, Madonna, leo, etc

@CellophaneFlower Better than being a perv apologist 😘

Omg. How many times. The gap shouldn't be big enough that your bf or gf could be your parent.

These are not my rules, it is societal norms. Older people targeting young people is sick and wrong. Again, see Schofield and similar stories of inappropriateness.

@TempestTost How did you come to that conclusion?

What I'm saying is a 25-year age gap firmly places the older partner in the parental age group and that's likely to be one reason why @Bonniethecat1 feels uncomfortable with the relationship.

Yes, they're both adults and the OP knows that they have to figure this out for themselves, but her reaction is understandable. To reverse the situation, if the OP went out with someone who went to school with her DD, her DD probably wouldn't be thrilled either.

Add to this the reputation he has of being a perve/creep (see her later updates) and it's hardly unsurprising that's she's uncomfortable.

I'm not a perve apologist but neither am I a bigot. I'm not small minded enough to assume everybody who dates a younger person does it for the same reasons.

Yep

You can't give us an actual answer because parents can vary massively in age and therefore you don't have an actual age gap

And for the last time, Schofield was because he'd known the young man since before he was legal and in a position where he could easily have taken advantage. Plenty of other celebrities have age gap relationships and aren't "cancelled" because the circumstances are different.

And it's not always "targeting" from old to young. Some young people can "target" old people. Other times it can naturally happen

@CellophaneFlower Is it bigoted for a parent to be worried about a 25-year age gap?

The Phillip schofield reference is just odd. If you really think your opinion is valid, why on earth would you use a man who apparently groomed a 15 year old boy as an example? Clearly this isn't the case in the kind of age gap relationships being discussed.

Who next? Jimmy Saville? 🤷‍♀️

@CellophaneFlower I agree, but I can see why a parent would be concerned about such a large age gap (plus her updates on his reputation). It doesn't make her bigoted to worry about her adult daughter, as long as she doesn't try to dictate to her.

Not at all and I did state earlier that it's not something I'd be overjoyed about.

However, we moved on from OP's post when certain posters started proclaiming that every single older man is wrinkly, bald, smelly and a pervert who is interested in women who are childless and have bodies similar to that of underage girls. In fact somebody actually called them paedophiles.

It doesn't matter how old a parent is! It is the gap we are discussing. So, say one is 20 then a bf/gf of 45 is weird (and we'd all be very dischuffed if our 20yr olds came home with a dodgy 45yr old..) If someone is 30 then a bf/gf of 55 is odd and so on.

Schofield was because <to use your terminology> he was his boss, in a position of power as is often the case. The stuff about how long he'd known him was always rumour. Pip's defence was nothing he did was illegal just ill advised.

You're right, plenty of celebs have age gap relationships and we judge them too.

I would be incredibly unhappy if this was my daughter. She is currently 20 and fortunately thinks age gap relationships are gross. Like me, she wonders why an older person would be interested in someone so much younger, other than it being purely about physical attraction. I too would wonder why the older person could not find someone their own age.

This is one issue I feel really strong about.

Of course the daughter can make up her own mind. And 25 is an adult. But when my kids are that age, I know I will still feel protective about them and that that’s okay.

My friend is 21 years younger than her partner, they have been together 25 years + now.

This is almost my exact situation. 20 years between us and yet our parents are only a couple of years apart. My dad was 36 when I was born and his mum was 18 when he was born.
My grandparents had a 12 year gap and my grandad was 45 when he had his first child so my grandparents were around 20 years older than his.
Just proves how it can vary so much and that it isn’t straight forward to put adults in to brackets of who they should or shouldn’t date solely based on someone’s age or their parents age.

But you can't give us what gap is acceptable (in your opinion!)

Schofield is irrelevant because the circumstances are more than just an age gap!

I also think a 40 year old dating a 60 year old would not be as controversial as a 25 year old with a 45 year old despite it being the same age gap

Just noticed that Joan Plowright was 22 years younger than Laurence Olivier.

They'd been married 28 years and had had three children when he died in 1989.

Age gap relationships aren't new, or even particularly rare.

Best course of action is to choose someone who suits you, and leave others alone when they do the same.