To have refused my DPs mate a lift home?

[LiftRefuser]

DP and his mate are mid-40s. Last night, DP collected his mate from his house, drove back here and parked his car, then they both walked to the pub.

At 11.30pm, both come in the house, being loud and disturbing me, our 10 year old and toddler who was sleeping. I settled both kids and got back into bed. At midnight, DP comes bowling in and says I need to give his mate a lift home. It’s a 15 minute drive there, then the same back. I refused as I’d already been woken twice, was in my pyjamas, annoyed at the whole situation and frankly, couldn’t be arsed with an half an hour drive after a long weeks work at midnight.

DP was very put out at my refusal as ‘his mate’s wife would be really annoyed’ as he was meant to be back that same night. There are no taxis in our area at that time either, so he really had no way of getting home. I said I was sorry, but they should have thought of that before both getting too drunk to drive. His mate ended up staying over in the spare room and DP drove him back home earlier today. Apparently his wife had gone berserk at him.

DP is still pissed at me today and thinks it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to do it and he would have done it for me / one of my mates.

AIBH?

He sounds like an entitled asshat

His wife couldn’t pick him up?

Of course yanbu.

Should have rang his wife for a lift home

He’s a grown up, his problem.

Yanbu. It sounds like they’d planned it without asking you as your DH went and picked him up.

I don't think either one of you covered yourself with glory. Unless it is a regular thing your partner does. Or it was unsafe because of the icy conditions.

Sounds like there was hell to pay from 'er indoors for driver's mate. Still not your fault though

I wouldn't have been leaving my drunk DH in sole charge of a toddler either. What if he passed out asleep and toddler woke up, again?

Why are you supposed to save his arse from his wife? If he's that frightened of her he should seek external help to leave her.

Why does OP need to cover herself in glory? She simply does not. Not her circus not her monkeys.

Depends how I was asked, how appreciated I felt in my wider life. It wouldn’t be a blanket No but absolutely not Yes as a given.

However, I’d be telling any sulky twats to do one.

I used to pick up DH friends from places but never at that hour. I did pick my youngest up from a busy restaurant at midnight on a Saturday when he finished work. But ten minutes away and a dodgy walk.

I would have done it, but then my dh often drives my friend/s home when we get back from the pub, and he's up anyway so that's different I guess. As you'd already gone to bed I think you weren't BU.

I would have gone berserk with my DH if he woke me up asking to drive his mate home!

He is pissed off at you? I would of been fuming that two drunk 40 year old men woke me and my children up, then woke me up again not long after demanding lifts anywhere. Astounding

I don't see that OP did anything wrong.
They should have arranged how he was getting home before they decided to drink and not spring it on OP that she was expected to get out of bed to drive him home.

If he or his wife were that bothered about him being home the same night then his wife could have come to collect him.

There's no way I would be dropping him off when he'd spent all evening drinking. You're not a taxi service and anyone with an ounce of sense would have seen the end outcome of being too drunk to drive home was bloody obvious from the outset.

Given that there was no obvious way to get home, I d have thought the mate and his wife would be pleased you were able to put him overnight. Did he call her and let her know? And how is his transport your problem?

You'd already gone to bed! He's an adult, it's up to him to get himself home.

Out of interest, has your DH ever done this for you or one of your mates? And under the same conditions - not asked in advance, already in bed..

He's angry with you? Ffs I would be fucking pissed off to be woken up in the middle of the night and spoken to like that. What a pair of annoying drunken twats. Next time I would probably just say I had had a large double gin and tonic before bed to close down any talk about me driving.

Yanbu, he should’ve thought about how he was getting home beforehand, had it not crossed either your DHs or his mates mind to think about how he was getting home before then??

This^
I actually think OP that this mate should have been grateful to you, finally at his age of 40 something he had a lesson that if you’re going out you had to plan in advance.
Most of us learnt it much earlier.

I would have driven him back just to get him out of the house, rather than have him stay overnight.

Why couldn't his wife come and get him? He sounds like a baby not making plans.

Your name isn't Uber @LiftRefuser

They are both adults and should have thought about their travel options before getting drunk. Why didn't his friend's wife collect him? He could have walked home.