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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have refused my DPs mate a lift home?

227 replies

LiftRefuser · 11/01/2025 21:13

DP and his mate are mid-40s. Last night, DP collected his mate from his house, drove back here and parked his car, then they both walked to the pub.

At 11.30pm, both come in the house, being loud and disturbing me, our 10 year old and toddler who was sleeping. I settled both kids and got back into bed. At midnight, DP comes bowling in and says I need to give his mate a lift home. It’s a 15 minute drive there, then the same back. I refused as I’d already been woken twice, was in my pyjamas, annoyed at the whole situation and frankly, couldn’t be arsed with an half an hour drive after a long weeks work at midnight.

DP was very put out at my refusal as ‘his mate’s wife would be really annoyed’ as he was meant to be back that same night. There are no taxis in our area at that time either, so he really had no way of getting home. I said I was sorry, but they should have thought of that before both getting too drunk to drive. His mate ended up staying over in the spare room and DP drove him back home earlier today. Apparently his wife had gone berserk at him.

DP is still pissed at me today and thinks it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to do it and he would have done it for me / one of my mates.

AIBH?

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 12/01/2025 00:57

How did he think he was going to get home at the start of the night?

BlueSky2024 · 12/01/2025 01:05

LiftRefuser · 11/01/2025 21:13

DP and his mate are mid-40s. Last night, DP collected his mate from his house, drove back here and parked his car, then they both walked to the pub.

At 11.30pm, both come in the house, being loud and disturbing me, our 10 year old and toddler who was sleeping. I settled both kids and got back into bed. At midnight, DP comes bowling in and says I need to give his mate a lift home. It’s a 15 minute drive there, then the same back. I refused as I’d already been woken twice, was in my pyjamas, annoyed at the whole situation and frankly, couldn’t be arsed with an half an hour drive after a long weeks work at midnight.

DP was very put out at my refusal as ‘his mate’s wife would be really annoyed’ as he was meant to be back that same night. There are no taxis in our area at that time either, so he really had no way of getting home. I said I was sorry, but they should have thought of that before both getting too drunk to drive. His mate ended up staying over in the spare room and DP drove him back home earlier today. Apparently his wife had gone berserk at him.

DP is still pissed at me today and thinks it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to do it and he would have done it for me / one of my mates.

AIBH?

That will teach them to plan their night more carefully in future, if you did it for him this time they will just do it again some other time.
When they came back to the house at 11.30 they knew they wouldn’t be any way for him to go home except for you.
His friend could have rang his own wife and asked for her to collect him but he didn’t dare as he knew she would probably have told him where to go so why should you be ferrying him around.
Your DP probably offered your services before they arrived back at the house, this will teach him a lesson not to do that in future….good for you for saying no

ChiliFiend · 12/01/2025 01:11

This is so disrespectful - I can't imagine waking anyone up for this, let alone my husband. Hopefully your husband was just drunk and exercising unusually poor judgement as opposed to this being typical behaviour for him.

TheMixedGirl · 12/01/2025 01:15

If his wife would be annoyed then she can collect him

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/01/2025 01:15

he would have done it for me / one of my mates.

Do you and your mates roll in drunk and demand lifts off the husbands? Maybe you do. I doubt it.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 12/01/2025 01:24

HE is annoyed with YOU?

Honestly I’d want to tear him a new one.

Bad enough to be woken up once. Utterly infuriating to be woken up twice. The demand for a lift on top of that would drive me round the bend - how dare they even consider waking a sober person, a person who is in charge of kids and will be woken the next day by kids, to ask them for a lift??? And a lift the friend needs because of being drunk!

Tortielady · 12/01/2025 01:24

So a couple of forty-something men decide to behave like teenagers on too much cheap cider and it's OP's fault? How does that work?

caringcarer · 12/01/2025 01:30

It was icy and freezing last night you are not being unreasonable. Your DH mate needs to get an Uber.

Onlycoffee · 12/01/2025 01:34

How dare he wake you for this! And he's annoyed at you now??

PinkArt · 12/01/2025 01:35

Very much an example of 'poor planning on your part does not necessitate an emergency on mine'.
Maybe if they'd planned ahead and asked you if it would be ok to drive him later before they got hammered, or if you hadn't already gone to bed but hell no as it actually played out.
Make it clear that you are pissed off back and this was a situation entirely of their own making, not yours.

latetothefisting · 12/01/2025 01:39

Yanbu and even more so if it was as youve written it "you need to give dave a lift home". How rude and entitled (and wrong!)

If it had been "please could you do us an absolutely massive favour..." I might have been more likely to consider it but even then would have been completely reasonable to refuse

Nugg · 12/01/2025 01:46

I am guessing @LiftRefuser realised that she was in the right and good on her. Stick to your gun as they say.!!

ChaToilLeam · 12/01/2025 01:48

Fucking ignorant selfish fuds the pair of them!

RickiRaccoon · 12/01/2025 01:50

Definitely right to refuse. They should've asked you before they left if it was an option and what might be the latest time (and you'd still be reasonable to say no). And it would've been less rude not to have watched you go off to bed for a 2nd time before asking/demanding.

LifeExperience · 12/01/2025 01:51

Your twat of a husband needs to apologize for waking you up at midnight. And both of them need to grow up.

DaftyLass · 12/01/2025 01:59

I would for my DH, but that's because he would do the same for me.
Actually, he'd do better than me, I've come home with friends late and loud, and he's had tea and toast ready for us.
Your DH doesn't sound like they kind of guy, and I very much understand why you didn't

Sceptical123 · 12/01/2025 02:05

Overtheatlantic · 11/01/2025 21:15

His wife couldn’t pick him up?

I was thinking this - also they should have checked it was an option before they went out on the piss. OP your husband’s being an arsehole

YRGAM · 12/01/2025 02:10

Your husband and his mate have both behaved like utter morons. They are both grown men, and it's hardly a twist in the tale that they would both be too drunk to drive having gone to the pub - how hard would it have been for him to have arranged a taxi? Presumably at least one of them holds down a job in which they regularly arrange tasks of a similar or greater complexity than calling a taxi.

And on top of that, he then wakes the children up (which obviously he considers your problem to deal with), expects you to leave a drunk idiot in charge of two already disturbed children to get rid of HIS mate, and then is rude to you for not doing so!

I can't foresee any of my male friends acting towards their partners like this, and I would expect to rightly be laughed out of the room if I did the same. TBH I think your husband needs to do a bit of thinking about what it means to be a 40 year old parent of two and the planning and adjustments to his mentality required, as well as thinking about why he feels he can treat his wife like a housemaid.

Pumpkinpie1 · 12/01/2025 02:52

Your H DROVE his drinking buddy home the next morning…..
Wasn’t he still over the limit after last nights drunken binge?
Personally I would be livid my H risked his licence and the lives of others driving a drunk mate home.!

He’s an AH

TooManyChristmasCards · 12/01/2025 02:58

His mate ended up staying over in the spare room
he was safe and comfortable

so of course YANBU. It's not like you left him on the side of the road by minus 10.

BoxOfCats · 12/01/2025 03:04

Yanbu, your DPs friend is a grown man. If he has pissed off his wife that's his own fault, not yours.

AConcernedCitizen · 12/01/2025 03:06

If it was a reasonable hour, you were up and dressed and there were no children in the house...maybe.

Middle of the night, drunk DP who can't be left to look after child, multiple wake ups...his mate should be lucky you're not making him walk.

RisingSunn · 12/01/2025 03:09

I can’t imagine my DH waking me up and asking me to pop out at midnight for any reason!

R053 · 12/01/2025 03:22

Your DH and his mate should have organised an Uber.

It is very disrespectful to you to be woken up and then expected to ferry him home. Your husband should apologise to you and plan his evenings out better.

corvidconvo · 12/01/2025 03:35

I'd be telling DP that instead of worrying about his mate's wife being unhappy, he may need to start noticing that you're not particularly happy, either, thanks to their lack of consideration for you and the children.

They're adults who should be capable of planning these things in advance and behaving accordingly. If they can't, then they'll have the suffer the consequences. Why should you have a disturbed night's rest just because they chose to drink too much? How stupid!

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