To have refused my DPs mate a lift home?

[LiftRefuser]

DP and his mate are mid-40s. Last night, DP collected his mate from his house, drove back here and parked his car, then they both walked to the pub.

At 11.30pm, both come in the house, being loud and disturbing me, our 10 year old and toddler who was sleeping. I settled both kids and got back into bed. At midnight, DP comes bowling in and says I need to give his mate a lift home. It’s a 15 minute drive there, then the same back. I refused as I’d already been woken twice, was in my pyjamas, annoyed at the whole situation and frankly, couldn’t be arsed with an half an hour drive after a long weeks work at midnight.

DP was very put out at my refusal as ‘his mate’s wife would be really annoyed’ as he was meant to be back that same night. There are no taxis in our area at that time either, so he really had no way of getting home. I said I was sorry, but they should have thought of that before both getting too drunk to drive. His mate ended up staying over in the spare room and DP drove him back home earlier today. Apparently his wife had gone berserk at him.

DP is still pissed at me today and thinks it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to do it and he would have done it for me / one of my mates.

AIBH?

@LiftRefuser for the life of me I don't know why he would even ask you to even consider getting out of bed. Dickhead

You are absolutely not unreasonable. It took me quite some time to learn to say no to being taken for granted as a driver for drinking friends or wider family members. It’s up to them to sort themselves out.

If public transport is scant, surely it doesn't take much to realise this and pre-plan how you're going to get home and make the necessary arrangements? There was a degree of planning here as OP's DH picked friend up at the beginning of the night, so not a spontaneous night out by any means.

YANBU OP.

Why should the OP get out of bed to drive her DH's friend home at midnight, involving a 30 minute round trip ??? I wouldn't have done it either - my reasons would be firstly, no interest in doing so, in bed trying to sleep and therefore too tired to drive safely.
If he wanted to get home to his wife, he could have pre-planned how he was getting home or called an Uber.

I'd be furious with my DH for sulking about this.

If I was awake I would have done it, certainly not in the way your DP came bowling in the bedroom to demand that you do it. And ageee with PP that I would have been concerned leaving children with v drunk man

Astonishingly inconsiderate behaviour on your DP's part.

It would have been an absolute no from me as I would not have left someone so drunk that they came home loud and lairy in charge of small children.

He is lucky you gave a Civilised reply. If he had woke me twice , it wouldn’t have ended well !

Depends does he take your friends home/pick up after nights out? I would have done it, but then he does for me also. Has got up out of bed to take my drunk friends home. We usually head to mine so no one is walking home alone.

All those saying the mate’s wife should have collected him - perhaps she had sleeping kids at home?

Exactly. I’d be fuming.

Your 'd'h was almost certainly over the limit the next morning. Driving (assuming you're in UK) in sub zero, icy conditions. If you can't get taxis where you are (rural?) I doubt the local roads will be gritted either.
Horrifying.

There is no way my DH would have wanted me to go out and drive anywhere in those conditions last night let alone get me out of bed to do it.

YANBU.

This

Why couldn't be have got a taxi?

I’d have taken him home if what happened is that this was entirely your husband’s fault - invited friend, ‘arranged’ lifts both ways and friend genuinely believed he had a lift home sorted (and that you had been asked and agreed to provide this lift). It sounds this way if your husband picked him up, his wife was expecting him back home and it’s common knowledge that there are no taxis in the area. I wouldn’t have ‘punished’ him for my husband being an inconsiderate arse.

Your husband, on the other hand, is the one completely in the wrong.

Ha why should the women folk have to get them home and sorted. Misogynistic at its finest. Firstly I would have gone berserk at him for daring to wake everyone on my own house up. Entitled twats.

Meh, I would’ve done it. And expected untold gratitude from DP in return. But then he does a lot for me and I would’ve welcomed a chance to do something for him. But I appreciate that for you this was annoying.

plus I’d have been happy not to have a strange bloke in my home the next morning.

Yanbu. I'd be furious at dh is he pulled a trick like that and no I wouldn't do it. It's 12pm, you asleep and freezing out there!

And why couldn’t his wife pick him up?

Well your DP should have asked earlier on rather than assumed you'd do it but as PPs say why couldn't his wife come?

Tbh I'd have been tempted to take him home rather than have him stay over but it's annoying.

Yanbu. Pair of piss takers.

Only if you had agreed to do this in advance and then reneged on it. Why should you get out of bed for a grown man who let himself get too drunk to drive his friend having home without checking there were alternate options? I'd only consider doing it for family or friends who were stuck due to no fault of their own.

Your DH is being completely 100% out of order and shame on the both of them.

Guessing he has DC

But why is it on the OP? She wasn’t part of their evening, she’s not a taxi service. Why didn’t the husbands friends wife pick him up?