To have refused my DPs mate a lift home?

[LiftRefuser]

DP and his mate are mid-40s. Last night, DP collected his mate from his house, drove back here and parked his car, then they both walked to the pub.

At 11.30pm, both come in the house, being loud and disturbing me, our 10 year old and toddler who was sleeping. I settled both kids and got back into bed. At midnight, DP comes bowling in and says I need to give his mate a lift home. It’s a 15 minute drive there, then the same back. I refused as I’d already been woken twice, was in my pyjamas, annoyed at the whole situation and frankly, couldn’t be arsed with an half an hour drive after a long weeks work at midnight.

DP was very put out at my refusal as ‘his mate’s wife would be really annoyed’ as he was meant to be back that same night. There are no taxis in our area at that time either, so he really had no way of getting home. I said I was sorry, but they should have thought of that before both getting too drunk to drive. His mate ended up staying over in the spare room and DP drove him back home earlier today. Apparently his wife had gone berserk at him.

DP is still pissed at me today and thinks it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to do it and he would have done it for me / one of my mates.

AIBH?

Your partners friend is a grown up and knowingly put himself in that position. If he was that bothered and your husband was not a teat they could have arranged transport home in advance. As it stood they didn’t and showed no respect or consideration for you or your children by barging in drunk and disturbing you all. Fuck that. The friend was lucky you let him stay and they both owe you an apology.

Oh they shouldn’t. But seeing as it was his problem getting home he can make it his wife’s problem rather than the op who has no connection to this man whatsoever

Waking me up and the children in itself could have been enough for for me

It depends on your setup really. My Dh has dropped my friends home loads of times, same as my dad who regularly drives my mum's friends home after a night out. For me, I would do it no question as it is reciprocated regularly. If he doesn't do the same for you, it's different.

He shouldn't have offered your services without agreeing it with you first.

I would probably have driven him home but my DH doesn't take me for granted and he wouldn't fall in drunk making noise either.

If it's a one-off let it go. He is probably hungover so I'd ignore him until he snaps out of his mood.

YANBU.

If I had been given warning I would have stayed up and eaten chocolate and watched crap on TV or read nonsense on my phone until time to drive the drunken friend home. Being woken up from a deep sleep shortly after going to bed would cause me to rise like a vampire from its coffin with a similar attitude to any human in front of me. The friend's wife would be the least of his problems.

You didn’t do anything wrong, you’re not a taxi service!

If it was me and I was still up, dressed and in a good mood. I may have offered.

However, if I’d been woken up or was already trying to get to sleep I would be really annoyed at being asked and would have refused like you did. His wife would also have been in the right to not come and collect him for the same reasons. They’re grown men and should have had a plan of getting him home without assuming their wives would go out of their way to help them out. I hope his wife is annoyed with him, might make him think next time.

I love a night out as well, but I always make sure I have a way of getting home. I wouldn’t expect my partner to go out of his way to facilitate it, at least not without a pre arranged agreement, or unless there was an emergency or I was somehow stranded outside in the cold.

Nope. If o was in bed tough...his wife could have driven or you allow him to sleep over...a solution was found he slept there
Perfect. Your dhs an arse

So he thinks it's OK for a drunk person to look after your children, while you taxi his friend home in the middleofthenight??!

Asking for a lift home should have been done in advance to see if you were willing to do it, and if not make alternative arrangements. It's not your responsibility to get a drunk man home because he forgot to book a cab and his wife needed him home.

He couldn't have walked home?

This may have been said already but…why didn’t he ask his own wife to pick him up?
Of course YANBU. It’s the middle of the night in fucking freezing January. None of this was your problem. I’d be bloody furious if they both assumed you would be up for this.

This!

I wouldn't have been up for driving him home. Why did his wife go mad though? He only stayed at mates house...

Either she's controlling or he's got form, would be my guess.

It probably wasn't a good idea for him to walk home, especially if he was seriously sozzled. Alcohol and extreme cold are a dangerous combination. He could have become disoriented, wandered off his route home, lain down somewhere. . .and we've had some wickedly cold weather recently. Alcohol impairs your judgement and makes you feel warmer than you really are. The consequences for this poor fool could have been very bad indeed.

None of this makes his situation the OP's responsibility, or his wife's for that matter. He and his drinking buddy should have worked out how he was going to get home, and failing that, what he'd do instead. It was right to prioritise his safety on this occasion. It would also be right to insist on him making proper arrangements for future sessions with the ale.

Ops choices were to wake her kids to take a drunk man home or leave her kids with her drunk husband and hope they didn’t wake again.

I don’t blame her for not going at all.

Friend should have planned how he'd get home before he went drinking, and if necessary should have stayed under the limit.

I'd have done it just to get rid of him, but silently seething all the way.
YANBU.

Yanbu and that your dh thinks it’s ok he’s drunk looking after the kids. They shouldn’t have got drunk. Irresponsible idiots.

They shouldn't have taken it forgranted that you would be happy to oblige. I am on your side OP.

Yes exactly this, agree with every word. YANBU.

This

Of course you are not

Id be absolutely livid about being woken at midnight

They sound like teenagers

There are always taxis

No such thing as no taxis

Just get on the phone and ring round