To have refused my DPs mate a lift home?

[LiftRefuser]

DP and his mate are mid-40s. Last night, DP collected his mate from his house, drove back here and parked his car, then they both walked to the pub.

At 11.30pm, both come in the house, being loud and disturbing me, our 10 year old and toddler who was sleeping. I settled both kids and got back into bed. At midnight, DP comes bowling in and says I need to give his mate a lift home. It’s a 15 minute drive there, then the same back. I refused as I’d already been woken twice, was in my pyjamas, annoyed at the whole situation and frankly, couldn’t be arsed with an half an hour drive after a long weeks work at midnight.

DP was very put out at my refusal as ‘his mate’s wife would be really annoyed’ as he was meant to be back that same night. There are no taxis in our area at that time either, so he really had no way of getting home. I said I was sorry, but they should have thought of that before both getting too drunk to drive. His mate ended up staying over in the spare room and DP drove him back home earlier today. Apparently his wife had gone berserk at him.

DP is still pissed at me today and thinks it wouldn’t have been a big deal for me to do it and he would have done it for me / one of my mates.

AIBH?

When he’s sober, ask him what kind of idiot does he think you are, to get up and dressed to drive a drunk bloke home, leaving the kids with another drunk, when you should be asleep.

How did your partner and his friend expect that the friend would get home?

Either they should have asked you in advance if you could give friend a lift home late in the evening (which would be contingent on partner being sober enough to watch the children, as I assume he wasn't sober enough to drive), or friend should have planned to stay over and told his wife in advance, or friend should have pre-arranged another lift (like his wife coming to get him - but perhaps she was home with children too), or partner should have stayed sober enough to drive friend. None of those are ideal, but I'm guessing that we'll-be-too-drunk-to-drive-after-the-pub and no-taxis-will-be-available-here-late-at-night aren't new info to your partner.

Letting him stay over was a good compromise; it's between the friend and his wife if that wasn't acceptable/he needed to be home. Partner needs to respect your "no" - even if that means asking for more discussion if he genuinely can't understand it - rather than sulking and punishing you for not doing what he wanted.

YANBU.

If they asked beforehand - maybe, as a favour to your DP.
If they had a reasonable plan which collapsed and a specific need for the morning -maybe, as a favour...

Planning it from the beginning and forgetting to tell you? Nope.

Really? How exactly is it his wife’s responsibility to drive his friend home? Why didn’t he phone his own wife.

The wife coming to get him is THE SAME JOURNEY as you taking him home

Not your problem, fuck that

Nothing had been agreed beforehand so you had no obligation to give him a lift.

Your husband is nasty. The friend is a pillock. The wife is a fish wife.

You were right to refuse.

How drunk was your DP?
If they’d already woken a toddler there’s a chance of waking again, not ideal to a drunken parent.

thats what would have been my main reason to be hesitant in all honestly, I’d have probably given him a lift despite the annoyance.

If my DH had come into my bedroom at that time of night to tell me to get up and drive his drunk friend home, I'd have told him to fuck off and take his bloody mate with him. He's got no right to be stroppy with you. You have good reason to be furious with him!!

Why didn't he leave the pub earlier and either walk home or arrange a lift? Both of them have a nerve disturbing you and your kids and expecting you to get out of bed to drive his little friend home. Cheeky Fs

I’d have done it so that he wasn’t sleeping over but he should have pre booked a taxi.

Not a hope would I have driven him home. That's ridiculous

Not in this universe. And while he’s pissed off at me I’d kick him out of bed to do every night wake.

My bet? Husband had told friend you’d drive him when they were planning.

That’s their problem. Nobody bothered to ask you prior. Screw that.

I assume his wife was at home with small kids asleep who couldn't be left?

It's not your bloody fault if he's in the doghouse though. I wouldn't have dragged myself out of bed (again) to taxi him home. Husband can sulk all he wants.

And what, your dp wanted you to entrust the care of the kids to his drunk arse whilst you drove his mate home? Fuck that.

I wouldn’t have left my sleeping toddler in sole care of a drunk parent while I went out in the car for half an hour at midnight. His mate had somewhere safe and warm to sleep, it wasn’t an emergency.

Your DH is being an ass.
I wouldn't have been comfortable leaving a drunk adult in charge of my two children even for just half an hour.

So it was OK to piss you off and disturb you from your sleep but not his friends wife?!!
It should YOU being pissed off today that he's more concerned about his friend than you.

I'd be warning him that if he and any of his mates pulled this BS again, they'd both be locked out for the night. What a selfish prick your DS is! If they'd asked you beforehand, and you'd agreed, you could have stayed up and dressed, but waking you and your child up, and then expecting you to drive a drunken bloke home, was totally out of order.

I wonder how your DH would have felt if you'd driven his drunken mate home, and he'd made a pass at you, or worse?

Your dh was drunk and you have a toddler in the house. I wouldn't have left either! He could have asked his wife to collect him

I would tell dh next time make better plans your not a taxi

What exactly has OP done wrong?

They can sort themselves out in the morning. It might have been drunken logic to them. The friend is safe and has somewhere comfortable to sleep tonight.

This!

No way would I have given him a lift! The most I would've done is to text his wife to confirm where he was as I wouldn't want her worrying. Your husband and his friend are very entitled.