My partner not wanting my mum to see my new baby

[Joelm1066]

I have recently had a baby boy with my partner. We have been together for six years. In the course of our relationship she has not got on well with my mother. My mum can be a bit tactless, but she has a good heart. However, my partner wants very limited contact with her despite my mum reaching out and trying to improve relations between them. After 6 years I have come to accept that she doesn’t want regular contact with her. However, since the birth of our child 8 days ago, she is insisting that she wants to wait at least a month before my mum sees the child even though he has met all of her close family and close friend. She says that it is because she only wants contact with people she’s comfortable around, but I think I have a right to introduce my child to his grandmother sooner than a month. AIBU?
It’s causing me a great deal of sadness and stress at a time when I should be happy. I don’t really know what to do.

Whilst I appreciate OP is not the birth mother there is nothing in OPs posts to suggest their partner had a particularly bad birth or is suffering now.
All we know is their close friend and family have visited at this stage.
So therefore my thoughts still stand

I speak as a mother with two terrible pregnancies leaving myself and children hospitalised for some time and an extremely difficult MIL.

The partner is not me, but neither is it any of us and OP wants other peoples perspective.

If she doesn’t want a visit for a month from MiL then her side of the family should have been treated the same.

why should the in-laws be treated any differently.

Agree and in fact a close friend has also visited which makes this choice of excluding some as all down to one half of the partnership.
I can see OPs family being excluded from everything in the future.
That’s not a partnership!

OP you have 94% agreeing with you!

I think it's ridiculous to say that either everyone visits or no one does.

Of course there are some people you feel comfortable around & some that you don't early pp.

I do think a month is too long though & I would have thought will only increase tensions & make the first visit much worse than it need to be.

What ever she is worried about she needs to tell Op so that he can step in if necessary.

It can be a very strange time.

The first time I saw MIL holding my PFB I thought I was going to throw up!

By keeping your mother away for a whole month (whilst others have been visiting) your partner has now created a difficult situation and there will be an awkward atmosphere when she does finally permit a visit from your mother. All very unnecessary.

Responses to this thread are unreal.

Men classically pay down how insufferable their mothers are.

If a new mum came on here saying her MIL makes her uncomfortable, insults her, she feels vulnerable enough post partum etc. responses would be to go NC for the first 6 months of the child's life.

If your partner wasn't willing to let your mother have a relationship with her baby, she shouldn't have been willing to let you be the father of her baby.

Having seen some of the "responses" on this thread, I'm sure the father sorry he ever posted. Come on ladies, keep it civil, please.

Which doesn’t make that opinion the right one of course

Her mum has already visited along with other family members on her side and her best friend.

There’s no health risk to anyone if a smoker visits, unless there’s some new scientifically proven proof of course
Assuming they’re not smoking in the room of course

Thank you for posting this!

Has there been research in to that ? Or is it just a sweeping statement? ( men classically playing down their mums’ behaviour)

Another way of saying I hate my MIL and don't think much of men!

Well the woman can't be that dreadful if the OP's partner chose to live in her home not once, but twice.

Unless she is abusive, and there is no suggestion that she is, then she should be allowed to meet her grandson. It's appalling behaviour to prevent it!

I don't see why the responses would be any different!

Well the woman can't be that dreadful if the OP's partner chose to live in her home not once, but twice.

Well OPs partner can't be that bad if he's chosen to have a baby with her.....

@jannier

I've had a horrific MIL experience so maybe my judgement is skewed 😂 fwiw I don't hate men, just men who are obsessed with their mothers

But why do you think op is obsessed just because they want mum to be treated equally?

Who said OP's "partner was bad"???

Maybe he didn't know she would turn out to be so controlling!!

Firstly congratulations!

Without knowing the ins and outs (I’m in the school run) I’ll comment with my gut reaction. The baby is yours too. You have every right to introduce him to your mum, and she has every right to meet him. if I were you I’d tell her that, and like it or not, with or without her, you are going to take the little one to meet your mum. Ensure you have everything ready packed, and go and have a brew with your mum.

Dads and in-laws get forgotten in this situation, you’ve been through a lot as well as your partner. Having a baby is wonderful, but also world changing for better (and worse at times). you have equal rights to your son and rights to express your own needs and wants.