My partner not wanting my mum to see my new baby

[Joelm1066]

I have recently had a baby boy with my partner. We have been together for six years. In the course of our relationship she has not got on well with my mother. My mum can be a bit tactless, but she has a good heart. However, my partner wants very limited contact with her despite my mum reaching out and trying to improve relations between them. After 6 years I have come to accept that she doesn’t want regular contact with her. However, since the birth of our child 8 days ago, she is insisting that she wants to wait at least a month before my mum sees the child even though he has met all of her close family and close friend. She says that it is because she only wants contact with people she’s comfortable around, but I think I have a right to introduce my child to his grandmother sooner than a month. AIBU?
It’s causing me a great deal of sadness and stress at a time when I should be happy. I don’t really know what to do.

Christ almighty.....

They're gorgeous cats too, in fairness. All cats rock!!

Nice chatting, think I will give this thread a miss because I'm a bit bored with having my parenting and my character torn to shreds!

Night! x

Why should the mothers wishes trump that of the wishes of the fathers, both have equal rights over the child, all that is being suggested is that the MIL gets to see the grandchild, the mother does not need to be present, the visit can be in a location that is convenient and can be just a short visit. No one is suggesting that the MIL take possession of the baby or that the baby is ripped from the mothers breast

That's what you've decided anyway. I am still unsure which one gave birth

Perhaps you could quote where I said I "had no problem" with it???!!

Right, I'm done, waste of my valuable time.

New rule: everyone has to take a shot each time IdylicDay mentions that the baby is 8 DAYS OLD.

Because the mother is the primary carer, is the one who was pregnant, gave birth, is recovering from the birth and breastfeeds. That trumps a male.

Maybe if the OP shows some sympathy and understanding of their partner's feelings they may feel supported enough to relent sooner than the month.

The idea of making it a showdown of equal parental rights is potentially destructive and, frankly, mad.

Or that mom gets the final say, end of!

Commenters are basing their opinions on the information that they have been provided with, you on the other hand seem to be imagining a scenario in your head that is based entirely on nothing

…because the mother is the one that just birth a baby out of her body? You can expect an involved partner whilst also having boundaries in place to protect your own sanity in the weeks after birth.

A short viewing is all that is required, the mother could even take a nap whilst this is happening, it might give her a break, the mother dose not need to be with the baby 24/7

Nit fir a whole month though.

Which mum there might be 2

No, it’s for long after the delivery suite. You’re under the midwife for 28 days here after birth, and they regularly check in on you, then the health visitor should be asking for years after giving birth.

The father has a right to introduce his baby to his side of the family. It’s his baby too.

Surely his partner can pop upstairs for a soak or something during a 30 minute visit or so.

And it’s THEIR home.

Exactly

It’s not as complicated or as difficult as you make out it to be. There’s guidelines in place regarding having smokers around children. You ask MIL to follow the guidelines or not visit.

How would it benefit a 1 week old baby to be separated from its mum just to be shown around sooner?

How would it negatively affect a 1 week old baby to be separated from its mother for a short length of time provided that it was at a convenient time between naps and feeds, which I’m sure could be arranged, and the baby would still be in the care of one parent, it’s father

@BlueSky2024 the mother of the one who has just given birth/maternal grandparent will visit first because she's seeing HER daughter, as it's only her daughter who has just given birth. Yes OP is the dad but he was merely a spectator. Those who are commenting about what they were doing post birth are ridiculous - I had what was classed as a straight forward birth the first time and still had a tear and stitches, not to mention the fact that 'baby blues' can kick in on about day 4. This baby is only 8 days old. His mother isn't visiting because she's treated the new mother badly prior to birth. The new mother should be taken care of by her husband during this vulnerable time and instead he's trying to pacify his mother. Babies don't bond with anyone other than parents over the first few months because they do not initially develop object permanence so his mother waiting will not negatively impact the baby in any way. However, if the new mother is stressed, the baby will feel that so the best thing for his immediate family is for his mother to accept these are the consequences of the treatment of his wife. He's building his own family with his wife and he needs to step up and advocate for them. Cut the apron strings from his mother (and the excuses for her behaviour)

OP your partner is mental. When your relationship inevitably goes tits up you’re going to have one hell of a struggle on your hands to maintain a relationship with your child with her poisoning the well already.

Baby doesn’t need to be separated. The GM can come to the house or the whole family go to her. Very simple.

Oh but wait…

Advocate for what?
New mum can grab a cup of tea for 20 minutes upstairs. Whilst grandma sees her new grandson. What is so difficult about that?

Unless it’s all about control??

MrsSunshine2b Terrible suggestion for a response. OP please don't use that unless you want a complete relationship breakdown because 4 weeks is not a long time for your mother to wait. She would have met baby sooner, had she been kind and respectful to your wife. She wasn't, she was tactless. OP when you go through 9 months of carrying a baby then childbirth, you can have whoever YOU want in the first 4 weeks, until then, stick up for your wife.