My partner not wanting my mum to see my new baby

[Joelm1066]

I have recently had a baby boy with my partner. We have been together for six years. In the course of our relationship she has not got on well with my mother. My mum can be a bit tactless, but she has a good heart. However, my partner wants very limited contact with her despite my mum reaching out and trying to improve relations between them. After 6 years I have come to accept that she doesn’t want regular contact with her. However, since the birth of our child 8 days ago, she is insisting that she wants to wait at least a month before my mum sees the child even though he has met all of her close family and close friend. She says that it is because she only wants contact with people she’s comfortable around, but I think I have a right to introduce my child to his grandmother sooner than a month. AIBU?
It’s causing me a great deal of sadness and stress at a time when I should be happy. I don’t really know what to do.

8 days later, when the Mum had let all her family and friends see the baby. But not the partners own Mum. Controlling and unnecessary.

Agreed!

Shoot me now rofl!!!

I couldn't find one fuck to give.

I have disagreed with a number of posters on this thread - for the take the baby regardless, centre men comments (though I am not convinced the op is a man).

I do think that 4 weeks is a long time to not meet immediate family, unless there is a significant distance and cost involved in travelling to meet the baby, which is a bit different.

The relationship here sounds fractious but setting this barrier up will not make it any less so.

If you have bad relations with one side of the family, yes, it is. You haven't read many threads on here where there are toxic family members. A best friend in that case would most definitely see the baby before a MIL that makes the mother uncomfortable.

Yes, your attitude towards the needs of the baby have been obvious all through the thread.

Standard advice to have time on your own....not to have everyone else visit except the in laws.....although why the hell we have to go back to a mentality of lying in and isolation I don't know must be one hell of a shock when it's baby number two and a school run.

But is she really toxic or just not the clone of her daughter in law....what happened to tolerance and acceptance? I disagree with someone doesn't make them toxic.

Keep going with the insults. You don't bother me.

You need to put your foot down on this and be very aware of other controlling behaviour from your partner.

I find it depressing that people automatically assume a relationship has to be toxic. The MIL let them live with her and sounds imperfect, but not nasty. It is cruel to exclude her from their new family.

The one giving insults is you. Not me.

"I appreciate you don't want to see my Mum, and that's fine, I can't (and wouldn't try to) force you to have contact with anyone if you'd rather not. However, this is my home too and that is my child as much as yours, and I will be inviting my Mum over to meet him on (X day). You can go out, or you can stay in a different room, but the baby will be staying with me and meeting his Grandma."

End of discussion.

To be fair, I explicitly said all along the mother has the right to NOT see the MIL. That doesn't mean she has the right to block the baby from being seen by the grandmother at the other parent's request though!

Your partner doesn't sound very kind. My MIL is a narcky witch but I wouldn't have stood in the way of my husband having the joy of introducing our babies to his mother in the very first few days.

@ThDanielDay His partner is the mother of the baby who gave birth only 8 days ago! If she doesn't want a visit with MIL so soon, that is her choice! The mother's wishes trump the wants of the male and MIL.

Agreed, in this case, based on the amount of info the OP has given us, the birth mother is the one who is coming off as being difficult and deliberately withholding the baby to hurt/ punish the MIL and the father is stuck in the middle

She is not blocking MIL, she is only asking for 4 weeks. Christ.

so much more exciting than britishshorthaironahottinroof.

I really try to pretend not to be British at every opportunity.

But I am quite excited by being Yorkshire.

And a lot of them don't as their hormones and postnatal mental health issues prevent them from doing so

This is the male defending his mother and most likely downplaying the seriousness of his mother's actions. If it was from the OP's partner, I bet the thread would read so very differently. I wouldn't rely on a male's perspective of MIL's affect on his partner to be accurate.

You're fighting with several posters.

I don't think I'm the problem...

Nah the female seems like a petty controlling and abusive person, I don't think that trumps the wants of the father.

He should get his ducks in a row imho, make sure he's objectively 50/50, reduce his hours if needs be and make sure he's in a position to go for 50/50 in a few years time when the child is old enough. No point doing it in the next few years when the child is too young so he's screwed in that sense and needs to be pragmatic, but fuck spending your life with an abuser trying to alienate you from your family and isolate you so they can control you

You've also argued with other posters, including having no problem with smokers smoking around the baby.

I don't think I'm the problem...

ffs the FIRST 4 weeks. It is SO controlling. Depriving her of seeing her son's baby when he is born. Quite frankly I do think it is awful. And I very rarely say that on here.

Go on then, so here's the question ... let's flip it.

'I just gave birth to our son and my DH says my mum is not allowed to see him at all for 4 weeks'.

That OK?