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Original poster

To be upset with my boyfriend over this ?

293 replies

Fairydustapplecrumble · 11/01/2025 12:59

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

OP posts:
Emmz1510 · 15/01/2025 14:47

Be glad he hasn’t proposed OP. He’s a horrid cunt of a man.

PartyLlama · 15/01/2025 14:49

You are so young and have plenty of time to find someone who will treat you with love and respect.Do not be scared to end it,pack up and ship yourself out.He sounds like a pig.

RachTheAlpaca · 15/01/2025 14:50

You're a young woman with your whole life ahead of you, why would you waste any more time with this middle aged man who doesn't care about you? Run away

N27 · 15/01/2025 14:51

You need to leave him for your own sake.

He is a knob. He doesn’t love you and doesn’t want a healthy relationship with you. He either can’t be arsed to split up or doesn’t want to be the one to initiate it so he is treating you like shit so that you will dump him and he can continue his delusional theory that he is the victim.

Cut him off like the snake he is and love yourself in the way you deserve until the right one comes along

lazyarse123 · 15/01/2025 14:56

You deserve so much better. He's a wanker. I've been married 43 years and last week dh tried some chocolate he hadn't had before and of course we couldn't find it anywhere so I ordered some on Amazon and when it came he Was surprised but very appreciative as your partner should have been. Leave him.

MarioLink · 15/01/2025 14:56

My advice is you are young and sound hardworking and kind. You have been in this relationship since you were 21. Don't waste anymore of your 20s on him. It sounds like he wants you to make all the effort and is horribly ungrateful for thoughtful gifts. You also shouldn't have to avoid discussing marriage with someone you've spent 4 years with who is coming up to 40. But I wouldn't be in a hurry to marry him!

tachetastic · 15/01/2025 14:59

@@Fairydustapplecrumble : Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal .

I'm confused as to why you see this as a problem. Surely you should be thinking "thankfully, I see no sign of a proposal".

He sounds like a nightmare and a spoiled brat. You're young. Take the pick and mix with you and go find someone who treats you with a bit of respect.

IWillAlwaysBeinaClubWithYouin1973 · 15/01/2025 15:01

You're 25. You want another 50 years of this? Because it will only get worse. He has no respect for you - so now it's up to you to respect yourself and move on. It was over before it started by the sounds of it.

Acommonreader · 15/01/2025 15:03

None of us know what your boyfriend is thinking or how you could get him to treat you better. But what really matters is that at 25 you should be having a lot more fun than waiting for some miserable bastard to propose.
Get rid of him and enjoy your twenties !

LBFseBrom · 15/01/2025 15:04

This relationship has run its course.

LTB, be free and eventually someone better will come along - but don't be in too much of a hurry and enjoy yourself along the way.

H112 · 15/01/2025 15:06

Why the f was a 33 year old man going out with a 21 year old woman?? Disgusting why is this a reoccurring theme on here. He will drop you by the time you're around 24/25 cause he likes them young.

HowToSaveAWife · 15/01/2025 15:13

What the fuck would a 33 year old be interested in a 21 year old for? I'd say women his age wouldn't put up with his shit so he picked an easy mark in a much younger partner.

Dump. Run for the hills.

kittiecat16 · 15/01/2025 15:20

As others have said I’d dump him and move on. You deserve way better than him treating you and talking to you like that. 25 is still so young and you have plenty of chance to find someone way better than him that deserves you and your affection.

Bogginsthe3rd · 15/01/2025 15:25

You are very lucky he hasn't proposed. LTB

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 15/01/2025 15:25

@Fairydustapplecrumble OP, you have received 213 replies to your question in 3 days, and have not replied to a single one, or posted again. Is this a genuine thread?

Chickenpuppet · 15/01/2025 15:26

Walk away. Or move even faster.
This sort.of behaviour would suggest he wants out or he just wants to torture you. Probably someone else in the wings. And no don't marry him

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 15/01/2025 15:40

As the song says ‘tome to say good ye’ he’s gaslighting you into a row so you can be at fault for the failure of the relationship.

This is one to throw away and move on from.

2025willbemytime · 15/01/2025 15:46

BMW6 · 11/01/2025 13:01

My advice is to dump him and raise your standards next time - he's a nasty bastard and I'm sure you can do far, far better.

This.

No other choice is sensible.

This man does not like you never mind love you.

September1013 · 15/01/2025 15:48

He can’t be bothered keeping up the pretence of being a nice person any more. He figures after four years you’ll just put up with it because you won’t want to give up on the relationship after all the time you’ve put in.

He’ll keep stringing you along without a proposal/wedding but tbh he’s doing you a favour as marrying him would be a huge mistake.

Cut your losses and find a man who values you and is ready for a mature adult relationship. And be glad you’ve seen his true colours before you got pregnant and ended up tied to him long term.

DoveLisand · 15/01/2025 15:55

MrsSethGecko · 11/01/2025 13:12

Why would you want to marry this absolute cunt.

Yeah this

Pherian · 15/01/2025 16:02

He’s nearly 40 and you’re still young.

He is stealing your youth. How he treated you irrespective of whatever he was “going through” is totally out of order.

With no proposal after four years it’s time to move on.

thatsalad · 15/01/2025 16:13

LTB. And putting aside his assholish behavior, why on earth would you want a proposal at 25. You're so young

mnreader · 15/01/2025 16:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

RobinEllacotStrike · 15/01/2025 16:38

Dump him love x

LookItsMeAgain · 15/01/2025 16:38

I can see that this thread has moved on a bit so I'm going entirely on what the OP put in their opening post (and yes I will go back and read more of the thread), but my advice would be the following:

  1. Get the pick n' mix back from this arsehole when he is out having his walk.
  2. Pack your belongings (provided it's not your home that you're living in, if it is, pack his)
  3. Leave him
  4. Hold your head up high and give yourself a break. You can and will do better than this arsehole!

Now, going back to see how things have gone over the past few days.