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Original poster

To be upset with my boyfriend over this ?

293 replies

Fairydustapplecrumble · 11/01/2025 12:59

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

OP posts:
Vodkamummy · 16/01/2025 08:43

No one, absolutely no one, especially a partner should be treating you like this! When a person truly loves you, they will not intentionally hurt your feelings or talk to you like he did. Chalk this relationship up to a bad experience and get out before you have to do too much healing from it

Beansinyourears · 16/01/2025 08:46

I hate to say this but I experienced these exact behaviours totally randomly from an ex (bf only thank goodness). Turns out he was frustrated I was always around because it was getting increasingly harder to cheat on me multiple times without me realising. I'm sorry, please leave before he diminishes your self worth. I am married to an amazing man now, it gets better.

Quiinkong · 16/01/2025 08:50

OP won't get out, everyone is just wasting their efforts giving advice. I have a friend exactly like OP, her now fiancee even calls her a bitch whenever she doesn't roll over quick enough. Her excuse was always "but we've been together for 2yrs, then 3yrs, then 4yrs, then 5" and it's always the same story. Last year, she moved away with him and got engaged too. People like OP battle with low self esteem and feel they will never find another person to love them, so they will rather die where they are now.

BarrenBachelor · 16/01/2025 09:47

Get out now. You deserve better.

LjSebs · 16/01/2025 12:46

When someone show's you who they really are - believe them

PinkyFlamingo · 16/01/2025 12:50

Do you live together?

MustWeDoThis · 16/01/2025 17:59

Fairydustapplecrumble · 11/01/2025 12:59

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

Omg OP, I'm so sorry! What a monumental c*nt!

When I was 19 and dating a 35yr old, he treated me like this toward the end because he was cheating on me and too spineless to break up with me. I was devastated.

I would kick him out and change the locks. Then tell everyone he knows how he treated you - Including his family. Bet his Mother would love that.

Greenshed · 16/01/2025 18:03

He’s not worth the upset. Time to send him on his merry way, I think. Certainly don’t marry him.

Tillow4ever · 16/01/2025 18:06

NRTFT - Ask yourself this. What was a 33 year old man doing asking a 21 year old out in the first place? I’ll tell you what - no women of his age would put up with his shit, so he wanted someone young and less experienced to give him an ego boost and not realise they deserved to be treated better.

i speak from experience - those are the exact ages i got together with my now husband. I’m trapped. If I could go back and tell my younger self anything at all it would be to run.

things will only get worse. Leave now and get yourself someone that deserves you, likes you, loves you and respects you.

Maninpeace · 16/01/2025 18:34

MustWeDoThis · 16/01/2025 17:59

Omg OP, I'm so sorry! What a monumental c*nt!

When I was 19 and dating a 35yr old, he treated me like this toward the end because he was cheating on me and too spineless to break up with me. I was devastated.

I would kick him out and change the locks. Then tell everyone he knows how he treated you - Including his family. Bet his Mother would love that.

Show quote history

Sadly, this is exactly what is going on.

Ladymeade · 16/01/2025 18:36

Just a nasty person! It would be a red flag for me as I love to do thoughtful things for my DH (and he does to me too) I echo what others have said - raise your bar and leave (& I hope that you find someone more worthy) x

rugbyman79 · 16/01/2025 18:39

was he always like this or is it something recent?

rugbyman79 · 16/01/2025 18:39

was he always like this or is this despicable behaviour something recent?

ThisZanyPinkSquid · 16/01/2025 18:41

He is 12 year older than you and sounds like a literal child! Dump him and raise your standards

MarvellousMonsters · 16/01/2025 18:56

Is this satire? Leave. Kick him out. Seriously, end it. He's awful

dammit88 · 16/01/2025 19:12

Honestly you are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, don't stay with a man like this.

Scottsy200 · 16/01/2025 19:15

Please leave this man this is disgusting behaviour and you say yourself you can’t see a future

TieYourTrampolineDownSport · 16/01/2025 19:32

I’m sorry honey but “he ain’t that into you”

WalmartWitney · 16/01/2025 19:36

Why do women, not ALL women still wait on men to deem them "worthy " of marriage by proposal? I find the whole expectation/concept nauseating 🤢

BeShyPlumLeader · 16/01/2025 19:42

You do not want to marry this man. He will make you VERY unhappy and disappointed with life years down the line

berksandbeyond · 16/01/2025 19:46

Massive side eye at a 33 year old man wanting to have a relationship with a 21 year old girl. Probably because no self respecting 33 year old woman would put up with this shit. Time to call it quits and not waste any more time

CrowleyKitten · 16/01/2025 20:59

he sounds spiteful and immature. dump him.
DEFINITELY don't marry him.

CrowleyKitten · 16/01/2025 23:23

Ceecee2422 · 15/01/2025 14:19

I’m also not sure why a 33 year old would go for a 21 year old……it’s quite a gap at that age, could he not get someone his own age or they already knew him for being how he is?

grown women are less malleable and harder to manipulate. that's why creeps like that go for very young women.
men like this WANT a power imbalance in their favour.

pollymere · 17/01/2025 00:43

Far better to enjoy that pick and mix on your own than being with an ungrateful arsington. Unless he's got something on his mind that he's not sharing with you, he needs to grow up and get out. Find someone who wants your hugs and kisses.

(Mine does get occasionally grumpy but he'd never be rude if I wanted to give him a hug, even if he felt it!)

Ethylred · 17/01/2025 03:54

Please do not waste any more of your life on this man.