To be upset with my boyfriend over this ?

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Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

I find a 34 year old man dating a 21 yr old pretty creepy. He’s probably just bored as you’re aging and wants someone younger

This. He's not worth any more of your time or love, OP. What he's doing is not how decent partners treat each other and you're not a 'joke', you're justifiably upset at his a'hole behaviour. Time to find someone who deserves you.

Agreed.

Stop waiting, OP. After 4 years he's not going to improve and he's certainly not going to propose. Don't waste your best years on him. He's a pig.

Stop being miffed and bursting into tears, that irritates most folk and gets you nowhere, apart from into victimhood.

Be bold and stick up for yourself . Move on.

Oh no. I've just noticed the age difference. OP, get away from him as fast as you can. He's a user.

Dump him ffs. Wake up and leave him now. What a waste of your life.

That sums it up. You’re so young you’ve got so much time to meet others. Grab the opportunity and get rid of this deadwood. (him). x

YABU for putting up with this. But it’s only up to you if you do.

Why on earth are you expecting a proposal from this awful man? He is treating you like dirt now just think what he would be like if you did marry him. Dump him.

He might feel that he needs space and you are too much for him. But that doesn't make your behaviour wrong, just your relationship.

Some people are very affectionate. I have friends who constantly paw each other. It all honestly it would make me want to scream but that's a me problem. They are happy and compatible.

It doesn't seem like you are compatible and that it is becoming more and more obvious.

You know distance has grown and are trying to compensate with extra attention. He knows it and is pulling away.

At your age, please don't waste your time here. You are still so young. I don't mean this to patronise you, just that you have time on your side, for now.

But that time is relatively short. There are too many women out there who regret wasting these years on men who didn't deserve them. Don't be one of them.

Marriage isnt on the cards. If it was, he wouldve proposed by now - 4 years is long enough. Calling you a 'joke' and he can't be bothered is just plain rude. It does not bode well. You'll still be waiting for a proposal from him in another 4 years...

You're young enough to find someone who thinks the world of you. Women only have a limited window of time in which to have children, so dont waste any more of your time on this rude and selfish indivdual.

I feel sad 😭

This is women’s problem. We feel sad where we need to learn to feel angry.

I truly mean this with kindness for your own good:

1. This man does not even like you, let alone love you;
2. This man holds you in actual contempt;
3. This may be a new thing or it may always have been somewhat true. IT DOES NOT MATTER which, because...
4. This man does not have a moral character or temperament required for a long term relationship, marriage or family. That is because in a long term relationship there will INEVITABLY be times when the other person annoys you or you are just in a crabby mood or going through a very stressful time. If you have not been taught to manage your own emotions and treat your partner with basic courtesy and respect regardless of your feelings in the moment, you are not a suitable candidate.
5. You are currently young enough to cut this man loose and find someone who is suited for long-term partnership, marriage and family (if that's what you want). There are still plenty of good single men your age if you'd like to find a partner. You are still in good fertile years if you'd like children. If you let this relationship drag on, the chances of both of those things will become smaller. Even if you don't want these things, this man will continue to chip away at your self-esteem until you are a shell.

Please care of and respect yourself enough to seek out a good life for yourself, whatever that looks like, with people who are kind to you.

The relationship has run its course. He is treating you with contempt so why you would want him to propose ..? He won’t anyway as he would have done so by now.

I think you should end relationship and find someone (in time) who would appreciate you and treat you well. You deserve better

Why would you want to marry this utter waste of space??

Exactly

You sound lovely. Very thoughtful and loving. He sounds horrible. You deserve someone that matches you and is going to show you the same affection and spring sweet little surprises on you. Get rid of him. x

He wants to end it and is being shit so you'll end it.

Yes this 🙌 👏 me too!

OP, what kind of family did you grow up in? Were you loved and cherished or were you a bit emotionally neglected? Did you learn to love yourself as you are or were you expected to be perfect and please others? Because women like this often choose poor partners who are cold and selfish.

Can you talk about your relationship with a trusted friend or family?
You deserve better than this.

I need space from you, you’re a joke’

And you want a proposal from someone who talks to you like that?

I'm in my 60s & no one has ever spoken to me like that.

My advice is to dump him without a second thought and find someone better who appreciates you.

It might feel like the end of your world, OP, but it isn't. I was with someone like this and I wish that I'd had a chorus of people, without any self-interest, telling me to get out of it. I would have saved myself years of heartbreak.

Not one single poster here is telling you that this man is worth a minute of your time. He really isn't. He's blocking you - with your consent - from finding someone who will really make you feel special. You should feel special.

Get packed and tell him he's done. Your self-esteem will get a terrific boost from that and you'll never look back once the initial jolt is over. You can do this.

Best to you

God, no. OP, please listen to all these responses. He doesn't even like you, never mind love you. He's horrible. You deserve better. This isn't normal, it isn't your fault, get OUT and be glad you haven't sleepwalked into marriage and babies.