To be upset with my boyfriend over this ?

[Fairydustapplecrumble]

Hi I 25 f have been with my partner 37m for 4 years now. We’ve both been so busy at work apart from a couple days off at Christmas and it was our first weekend together.

This morning we were on the sofa watching telly and I went to hug him. He said ‘ergh great are you gonna hug me again and kiss me - it’s getting really annoying’ I got up made a tea and went upstairs to our bedroom I was upset. But didn’t show it.

I got a text from Royal Mail saying they’d delivered a gift I got for him. I purchased it last week because I wanted to treat him. It was a big bag of his favourite pick n mix. Anyway I went to get it as they’d left it outside and I came in and said that I’d got him these and he said ‘well it’s not even my birthday , have I had all my birthday presents now? , great’

This may be childish but I just burst into tears and quickly went back upstairs. He followed me up and saw me crying and said ‘Actually do you know what I can’t be bleeped to make you feel better I’m going out for a cigarette and a walk I need space from you, you’re a joke’

I’m really upset I don’t know what to think. He always says he loves me usually and that he’s so happy but now I feel like it’s a lie and I feel he’s secretly always annoyed at me or I get under his skin as he just completely changed today.

Also I never mention this to him but I also see no sign of a proposal . I thought after 4 years he would have thought about it but nothing. I never ask him about marriage or proposals but I have found myself thinking about it. He usually seems really happy with me. He is quite a cold man until you get to know him and then he has a softer side.

Any advice ? I feel sad 😭

thank you xx

Why on earth would you be with this arsehole???

You have the whole world ahead of you. Don't let a man dominate your life and prospects, for god's sake. Any man but especially not this surly abusive tosser.

Radically raise your standards.

Your standards are on the floor, love. Why on earth would you want to marry someone like this?

I’m sure you’re lovely, and young and great fun, but he probably also got together with you because you wouldn’t be expecting serious commitment for years.

And when OP does, he will find a new younger one. And continue being a stinking creep.

He doesn't like you very much does he?? I wouldn't speak to anyone like this, let alone the person I was supposed to care about the most!

It sounds very much as if he's trying to instigate a row, in order to break up with you...at which time he'll blame you and 'your emotions' for the break up. It won't be his fault!

OP...he's a twat. Tell him so and chuck his sorry arse out! You deserve so much more than this.

And don't waste energy wondering why he behaves like this, or trying to analyse the relationship or him or wondering where it went wrong and how you can fix it.

The short answer is because he can, because he wants to, and he doesn't love you.

The answer to "why now?" is because he doesn't have the guts to end it, and no doubt wants to keep you around for sex and housework until he finds someone better.

There's a Taylor Swift song called *Tolerate It" about exactly this kind of emotionally abusive fuckwit.

@Fairydustapplecrumble why do normally sensible women move in with those dick arses??? get rid of the shite!

It's over. Get out now.

Stop crying and find your anger and self worth. You have a the advantage here, you are only 25 and have plenty of time to find someone who is actually nice. He is getting on a bit, and if he had wanted to marry you and have children he would have brought it up by now.

Lucky escape for you, his actions should have severe consequences for him.

I think you have very low self esteem and he is someone that treats women with low self esteem poorly. You are holding onto things and he is seeking distance. You need to decide if it is worth seeking counselling together over. I personally would let go, do things to increase my self esteem & find someone nicer that is nice no matter what x

I get 25 and 37 just about. I.do not.get 21 and 33. Is he very emotionally immature.
When you are 64 and potentially fit and working, he'll be 76, knocking 80.

Move on up, move on out.

Leave him

It's simple really ....leave him today

If your close friend or if you had a sister described this to you what would your reaction be?!

Your age is not the factor here he's being deliberately nasty for absolutely no reason.
There is a saying which is very true when someone shows you their true colours believe them.

In your case OP your BF is showing them in spades that he's a nasty piece of work.
Get out!

Yeah babe this is why he's not dating someone his own age, because I'm his age and I'd have changed the locks while he was out for his cig and told him not to bother coming back. Cunt.

Yeah he sure picked her for a reason. Hopefully OP is now mature enough to see this, or at least very soon.

If this isn't a very isolated thing over the space of a day or two, in which case he could just have something on his mind or be unusually irritable (perhaps he's been trying to cut down on smoking or is worried about money or work?) then something has changed for him in the relationship. He's starting the process of emotionally distancing himself from you in the run up to dumping you. He's creating friction which will lead to arguments, so he can blurt out what he really feels, instead of having to sit you down and come out with it completely out of the blue.

If you think this might be what's happening then face up to it, be brave and take control. You break up with him. Don't wait around sounding all needy and desperate for crumbs. Easier said than done, I know.

Yabu for wanting to marry this guy. Find someone better. Life is too short for anyone to treat you like this. Why why why do women convince themselves they need to stay with such utter twats???

He treats you with utter contempt and I’m afraid once that’s set in, it’s unsalvageable. He sounds like a thoroughly unkind man. He’s 37 and is not capable of healthy relationships. You’re 25 and still so young. You sound so lovely and thoughtful. Please get rid of this nasty, bitter, miserable old git. I’m sure you can do so much better.

I see no future for you guys. He sounds pretty awful. You're so young and I know that's no consolation right now but I wish I'd raised my standards younger

LTB

This. Too many women sleepwalk into marriages because they think it's the natural progression of the relationship/all their friends are doing it/it's expected. But they never stop to think if they actually want to marry this man?

He's upset you twice just today. Made you burst into tears. Came upstairs and then twisted the knife by rejecting you again. Says you're annoying. Moans about your thoughtful, out of the blue, for-no-reason-except-I-love-you gift.

Think carefully OP. Nobody should have to spend ONE day of their lives with a man who treats them like this, yet you seem to be thinking about/wanting to sign up to a lifetime of this...

Please find the strength to leave. He’s not going to change.

Your relationship has run its course.

You do a LOT of growing up in your early 20s, so if you were only 21 when you got together, sounds like the two of you are no longer compatible.

Personally I'd call it a day, as there is no way I'd want to spend the rest of my life with someone that grumpy and rude!