Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

That is so rude and inconsiderate. Cancel by all means,but not half an hour before you're due to set off!

We had a couple not come to our wedding as they had an argument before they set off! We’ve never seen them since! Although they’re still together so can’t have been that bad….so rude!!

Who the fuck decided it was a waste of annual leave. Certainly NOT the OP ffs

You are basing your ‘YABU’ vote based on your own personal experience rather than OP’s. OP has good reason to feel annoyed, she is not being unreasonable

I would be absolutely furious and it would be a long time before I arranged anything with them again. If I ever did. Short of someone dying, there is no excuse for cancelling.

It’s upsetting having your evening cancelled, especially as you had taken AL. However, unlike some others have suggested I don’t feel that it’s “mortifying” or worth ruining a friendship over. You never know what goes on in others relationships. If it happens frequently then yes, you assess how much time and energy you want to give to the friendship - or you be a friend and see if there’s another reason as to why it occurs and you support your friends with whatever problem they have. In grown up world (which I’m not a part of 😉) no one’s dead - thank goodness - and no one is dying, so it’s not a major issue, just a bit of upset that gave you some quality time alone with your other half.

She probably didn't want you sleeping over at hers.

These friends sound pretty flaky to me if they're always late as well.. They had time to do a quick tidy up before you arrived and they should have felt worse about letting you down. What if you had already left and didnt take the call? They could have got over the row unless it was really something serious, but it doesn't sound like it was. I wouldn't be rushing to make involved arrangements with them again.

I hate going out with other couples. Thanks for underpinning why.

As a one off I would let this go. It’s mildly irritating not worth getting het up over.

It doesn’t sound good he is blaming her in this way. It’s obviously a troubled relationship. Does the reason really matter? Unless it’s a domestic abuse situation, not really.

Glad you made the most of the evening out.

Weird response.

Mumsnet never fails to bring out the weirdos lol.
Try to ignore the weird responses, the only thing I can think is that these people spend all day on mumsnet and are jealous of anyone who has a life beyond kids and the internet.
I can get ready pretty quick but who can shower, choose an outfit, do hair and makeup and panic about what you might have forgotten to do in 15 mins?? You can take as gy as you want to get ready for a night out and you’re entitled to feel however you feel about situations outside of current global circumstances atrocities.

I would be really annoyed. Yes, there might be more to it but you aren’t to know that and if the reason they have given is true, it’s shitty. Maybe message her separately and ask if she’s ok ? You deserve more than a quick text message and I’d probably avoid them a little in future.

Also annoying when you've made the effort to clean & buy food & your guests cancel last minute! I guess the female host got exhausted & overwhelmed. I would just have gone out anyway with my partner.

Not acceptable behaviour from them. I wouldn't bother ringing them again - let them come to you. They should apologise at least.

YANBU, you can't cancel plans half an hour before!!

All the weirdos going on about why she took half a day's leave/getting ready times/etc... That isn't the point? Cancelling 30 minutes before would be just as rude if none of that were happening?

This is how you do it!

That's absolutely ridiculous behaviour from adults. Very unfair to waste your time, effort and money like that over them having a stupid fight. My husband and I have never fallen out and we certainly wouldn't be doing something like that to our friends.
One question though. Why do your cats need a babysitter? Cats are more than capable of being left for the evening. As long as they're fed and have plenty of water and a clean litter tray, they don't need minding for a few hours.

I understand that your message is well meaning, but why are you telling me that my cats don’t need minding when you don’t know them? It’s not a few hours. It’s over night. They are rescue cats. One of them is blind with separation anxiety and the other needs medication. Again, I know you didn’t mean anything by your message but maybe you should just assume that people know their own cats better than you do?

Just refuse to even acknowledge those types of comments. People are thick and don't read things. There are always these low IQ takes on every thread. Some people have no comprehensive skills whatsoever.

No I was genuinely asking in case you thought they needed that level of care. Sometimes people don't realise if they're new to owning pets that's all.

I'm the same, I'm extremely physically disabled as in, my joints pop out when I do anything too strenuous and I pass out from blood pressure drops and have to be admitted to hospital when my heart decides that 160bpm is the way to go. So my husband has to do the housework and he just doesn't see things how I do. He will 'tidy' or mop or vacuum the middle of a room and shove things into the corners. I've had to accept it as he has ADD and i have ADD and asperger's (diagnosed) and we just can't keep a home as i would like it kept. Friends understand and I draw the line at there being dirty clothes or anything dirty in the house. Clean washing or things out of place I can now accept. I think as a society we are a bit too focused on our homes being spotless when lived in should be acceptable.

Only on MN 🙄

maybe but it does happen

Why do you say that? Isn’t it individual choice?

They were planning to be away overnight. And isn't it her business, the level of care she provides for her pets?

Why is everyone questioning the OP's arrangements rather than focusing on the rudeness of the other couple??