Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

OP your description of your rescue cats has made my heart melt ❤

And how many times have you broken off mid argument, gone for a night out with the friends including your partner that you've been arguing with and had an absolutely fantastic evening with no issues to anyone at all. I can guess. And it's less than 1. Or is it all about you?

I'm not sure why you need to be so rude in your response but of course it's possible to set it to one side to enjoy a night out!

It's not about you, they had a problem and rather than have an uncomfortable night they cancelled. Hopefully you and your other half just went out for the night. Instead of being miffed at your friends maybe reach out a txt because they could be going through hard times and your friend needs a friendly face not someone moaning and judging.

It is about OP and her DH, it inconvenienced them.

Read the OPs updates you’d know about what happened regards going out.

I asked my daughter to give her advice. This is what she has written:

So cool. You should definitely punish her, she/he shouldn't be doing this so disrespect. I understand you (I done it many times), tell her/he how you feel about this okay. Listen to me.

Yeah but sometimes things happen..life happens..and sure it's bad timing but jeez. Bigger things in life to get annoyed about

I can just imagine her asking him to help and tidy and him putting it off and off and then not having done it, her having to do twice as much and getting mad. Him telling her it doesn't matter and her screaming it matters to her and that he isn't going out and having fun if he isn't willing to put in the work.

It's not about the messy house. It's about her having to work twice as hard because he doesn't... I assume.

I think people are overthinking it on here, people are just that inconvenient. I have too many people like this in my life who just cancel last minute and see no problem with that. It's infuriating when you've spent ages getting ready. People are selfish and have no consideration for others these days.

Yep. Bear in mind one half of that couple will be feeling awful about it.
My ex was similar, and I would actually be concerned about some kind of emotional abuse going on, here. Any excuse to stop the better half having a good time or having friends, blowing up over insignificant things to create such a situation where social interactions can't happen.
You're right to be very annoyed, but I'd reach out kindly to the one in that couple (if you know who it is) who was on the receiving end of that behaviour.

Could you imagine how tense that meal and evening at there's would be though

Yes it's annoying they cancelled but I think I'd be glad it it. Hope you and hubs still went out for a meal and some drinks ,

It’s disappointing and a pain for you but they might have just said it is an excuse. Anything could be going on from splitting up to finding out bad news. Cut them a bit of slack for a week or two and call to make sure they’re ok.

YANBU to be very annoyed. But I would assume that their relationship is very bad and it sounds like you were better not being in the middle of that. Have they messaged yet to say they’re getting divorced?

OP I cant say you are coming across very well here. Some of your replies on the thread are very rude. All assumptions made about annual leave and getting ready time seem sensible to me given the initial information you provided. No need to be so uppity.

uppity
🤣😆😂😂😂😂😂

Now you are being very rude to the OP

I knowww 😂😂😂 but read some of her replies and you’ll see what i mean 🤣

I don't think any of the annual leave, cat sitting or time getting ready is relevant. The friends were extremely inconsiderate and rude. There is no reason not to take them at their word for the feeble excuse and if they were really in a crisis they would have said or at least cancelled a lot earlier in the day. Or pleaded sickness.

Bloody hell. Is everything okay now? Sorry you had that happen. 💐

I have read every single one of OP’s replies and they sound reasonable. You, on the other hand, sound unpleasant.

Well i disagree, she was unpleasant initially and i just called her out on it. Saying “you sound like a very odd person” to someone who was being reasonable isnt very pleasant.

I think the op needs to learn that people are allowed to change their minds. Her friends might not be getting in in their relationship and all the op can think of is herself. I disagree with my daughter I don't think she deserves any sort of punishment only understanding and maybe a shoulder to lean on.

Actually in social etiquette people are NOT allowed to change their minds. That's the point.

One keeps one's commitments unless incapacitated by ill health.

The choice to cancel has consequences, including being off-putting to friends and being perceived as antisocial clods.

Total over reaction

Tbf house should have been tidied the day before our few days before

Sounds like they had a very bad row. TBH DH and I had that a few times before we were about to meet w friends/have them over, but we always put on a brave face and went through w it, tbh it always helped because afterwards we’d forgotten about the fight a bit. So if you cancel must be very bad. Also sounds like maybe you’re v close friends, which is nice, since they feel comfortable to tell you the reason