Friends cancelled 30 mins before we were due to set off

[Monicageller221]

Had plans for last night that had been made since November. DP and I were meant to be travelling to our friends house, having a meal at a restaurant and then going back to theirs for some drinks.

It is a 45 minute drive away and they invited us to stay over so that we didn’t have to be spending money on a taxi back. The meal was already booked, and we had bought some alcohol to take with us for the evening and they also bought a bit, plus snacks.

We got all ready, bags were packed, hair done, make up done, outfit on. My sister had just arrived as she was staying at mine to look after the cats so I was downstairs having a conversation with her when DP shouted down “they’ve cancelled it!” Basically they had an argument due to the house not being tidy and one of them got into “a mood” and cancelled the whole thing. I told DP to just give it 30 mins until it’s time to leave and they might have calmed down by then. However they never picked up the phone again.

Part of me is really annoyed at this, I would never let someone down like this. Especially over the reason that they did! However another part of me is thinking maybe the messy house thing isn’t true and something else has gone on more serious? DP is really annoyed by it and thinks it was selfish to cancel so short notice without a good reason.

What would you think if this happened to you, would you be annoyed? Or this a this an ok thing to do to people?

Yanbu and I’m going to take a stab and guess that the argument went a little like this;

GF: can you do X, Y, Z, BF, because I’ve done all of the preparation and you haven’t even cleaned…
BF: stop making this isn’t a big deal, they won’t mind. It doesn’t need to be a show house.
GF: but why I do I always end up having to do everything I’m sick of it
BF: Just stop it. If we’re going to argue we may as well just cancel it
GF: fine! Cancel it! I’m f**ing done!
Slagging match continues….

I doubt it’s anything more serious. Yes it’s rude. I’d give them another chance but with a less impactful plan (no taking annual leave) and see what happens.

Weve had hum-dingers before get togethers (been together 20 years so unavoidable sometimes!) but we’ve always managed to pull it together. It’s so rude to cancel so late, especially as you had taken leave and had plans to stay over.

I would be absolutely livid - it would put me off making plans with them again. Unless someone was seriously ill or a real crisis there's no excuse.

DH and I used to regularly have friends to stay over for a night similar to how you describe your planned night. A few times we would have blazing rows before they came and once hadn’t spoken since the day before, but we would welcome our friends and often only speak to them at first, then we would speak through them to each other then after a few drinks forget we had fallen out at all. We never ever cancelled our plans.

This

OP ignore all of the fannies on here trying to be smart arses, about taking leave or the amount of time it takes to get ready.

However back to your post- I would be fuming.

At least they told the OP beforehand. I waited at a restaurant for a friend who never showed up. getting there was quite a trip for me. Two days later, they emailed and said something came up. Needless to say, they did not remain my friend very long after that.

Is ‘cat care’ for just a meal out followed by an overnight stay a thing? Lucky cats!

@ForKindBear you absolute loon ball 😆 so just because you would welcome a cancelled plan the OP is being unreasonable. OK THEN

Tbh I’d be mildly miffed for 20 mins but get over it.

id feel for them and whoever got the shot end of the stick in clearly one awful row. I could see something happening like that in our house

Waste of annual leave though even before they cancelled.

Their behavior was incredibly immature and petty. I don't know who called it off, but it sounds like that person did it to punish their partner. They didn't even bother coming up with an excuse, such as not feeling well or a family emergency. Still not great, but now it just looks like they were trying to draw you two into the fight, by one person claiming the other was "in a mood".

Whatever the case, it does not bode well for their relationship.

In your opinion!! And it's not your annual leave that the OP is taking!

How bonkers!

Better they cancel then you go out and they aren’t speaking or there’s an uncomfortable atmosphere. Dodged a bullet there I think OP

I’ll let you into a secret - what I believe the influencers call a “life hack”. If you want a free evening, you don’t have to go to all the trouble of organising a meal out, including planning to stay over and sorting out a pet sitter, and then simply hoping the other half of the party have a massive row and cancel. No, it’s true!

What you do is… just not organise anything. Instead of calling your friends to suggest a night out, you just don’t make the call. Instead of booking a restaurant, you… don’t. Instead of asking your sister to look after the pets, you… don’t.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. It’s all very well not making plans yourself, but what if someone suggests a night out to you? Well, there’s a trick for that too. You say NO. No, really! I know it sounds radical. But it honestly really works! I’ve tried it and had a 100% success rate. Every time I’ve ever not planned something or turned down plans, my evening has been completely free! Try it - it could change your life.

I would hope you and your partner still did something and forgot all about them.

They were honest. Things don't work out. It's a shame. Have a great evening with your partner. 🤷‍♀️

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

It’s true - you never do know what’s happening with other people.

I hope you’re in a better situation now.

Just go to plan B and go out somewhere. Being annoyed won't change a thing. After all it's not your argument is it? Let them make the first move now.

Thanks. I’m happy single and life has never been better.

I would assume someone was found out to be cheating

Exactly… but I imagine some like an evening with friends and look forward to it… but probably these friends were having a really shitty day and weren’t in the mood to socialise.. which is ok surely ?

I imagine it’s a genuine excuse… but because they have poor mental state or relationship state, to them it was legitimately too hard to get through the night.

Regarding them being late for everything… I am never on time.
My partner and I are both ND, you probably wouldn’t know. We are both successful and have good friendships and sociable etc.
my partner can take the world on professionally. Then if he hasn’t hoovered the house just right he has a meltdown. Sometimes I just can’t face masking and socialising after the drama!
Maybe your friends have similar going on.

They didn't know the real reason though.

I had this exact situation with my now ex husband. We had people coming over and I was making lots of lovely dips and salad for when they arrived. He picked a fight and basically stood over me jeering at me for making such an effort. Told me I had social pretensions and I looked ridiculous standing g there making such an effort on a stupid salsa. I was shaking and crying by the time he finished and cancelled the whole event. I couldn’t possibly have got through seeing friends as, at the time I was embarrassed that I was with someone who treated me that way. I left him a few years later. So YANBU to be upset as you were looking forward to a fun night out and had clearly made loads of arrangements your end. But don’t assume they just casually blew you off as there may have been more to it.

This is my favourite comment 😂

Whooooooosh