To think it isn't my responsibility to provide period products for adult dd.

[Mairzydotes]

I don't know if this my hormones talking, but I've just been in the bathroom and there are no pads left because my nearly 20 year old dd has used them all. I put those there for me.

My dd works , and I don't think it's my responsibility to provide them for her anymore.

Firstly, I would never begrudge another female a period product if I had one on me. So let’s throw that out there.

But I think what’s missing is what arrangement do you have? Does she pay rent? Have you discussed what’s included / excluded from that?
Do you provide toilet paper, toilet wipes, bleach, cleaning products? Do you provide body wash, shower gel, deodorant? Where is your line drawn?

I paid mum a notional amount of rent back in the day, it included regular food & essential toiletries. If I wanted a fancy brand buy it myself. Sanitary products, just let her know what I want and when and she’ll have them in. But I lived at home with my parents, and I contributed a little. I wasn’t made a lodger in my parents house when I got a job.

I think if your daughter is battling over period products with her own mother, I honestly feel for her.

If she’s not entitled to what’s in the bathroom, tell her. Preferably not mid flow when the shops are closed. But don’t expect to use any of hers in your moment of need.

Have you ever said to her - can you buy some sanitary towels for yourself now and stop using mine?

Unless she knows it annoys you, she might consider it just a household item like toilet roll.

Why don’t you charge her for housekeeping?

I am considering reusable, for a least some days of my period.

My dm was post menopausal by the time I started menstruating, so I always had to make sure we had some . Eventually, I bought my own, as I bought the ones I preferred.

I'm under the impression that products in public or workplace toilets are for emergencies. They are not instead of supplying your own .

When my daughter was at home she was welcome to use sanitary products , just as she was welcome to use the soap, shampoo, coffee, milk etc.
Does she know you don't want her to use them?

A) if she works beyond a parttime job while at uni, then she should be contributing to household expenses.

B) if up until now you've always provided her pads, then why weren't there any of the ones she likes in? Of course she was going to use the others if you hadn't replenished hers and that's been the norm until now.

It feels a bit like you've decided the rules for how these things run should change, but you haven't told her.

But didn't you do that the day she started her period, and during the intervening years?

How do you manage food and bath/shower toiletries in your house? I'd equate the two.

I agree, surely this is the issue?!

I don't have daughters, but always have a stock of pads etc in the bathroom cupboard that DS1's GF can use. I just keep an eye on it and replace if needed

You still haven't answered whether you actually had a conversation with her. It's all well and good to not want to take on a mental load of thinking what everyone else needs but if you continue to do it without so much as having a conversation about expectations, it's on you. Your adult child will not learn the skills of adulting by osmosis. You actually do need to talk to them.
When I left school and started working, my mum had a discussion with me about how we are going to manage period products. The options were 1. we each buy our own or 2. we take turns to replace them. The key is that we had a conversation which doesn't seem to be the case here.

Just tell her that she can’t just not replace things she uses, she has to think about these things now. She isn’t psychic so is probably just doing what she’s always done which has made her thoughtless. No point getting pissed off when you can just talk to her.

Definitely have the conversation with her that she should consider sanitary items as part of the toiletries and cosmetics she buys, because it’s thoughtless of her not to have realised that you need some there to use too.

To be fair OP I get you. My 20yo DD has a habit of always using all the period products and never replacing them. She works full time and has more money than me so it wouldn’t kill her to buy them sometimes!

Drives me bloody nuts. It’s not that they’re mine and she can’t use them-they’re ours, it’s just she never replaces them!

Really petty, honestly.

Why so stingy?? Just buy more. That’s your daughter. I bet you hadn’t told her they’re your special pads only and she’s not to use them… communicate!

Talk to her! (nicely though, yes?).

Explain that as she's an adult now she needs to provide her own sanpro and that any sanpro you leave in the bathroom is for you. Obviously you're happy to give her some sanpro in an emergency situation.

Honestly OP, this whole thing can be resolved in 5 minutes with an adult conversation.

I suspect this is the crux isn't it, by the same token of her using them if they're there why can't she equally buy some more if she notices they're low? If it's always you doing it after over 2 decades of doing it I can see why it's annoying.

I'd just say happy for you to use them but can you buy some more when we need it them some of the time so it's not always me.

Reusables are far better, you won't look back. So much more comfortable.

I think you're just hormonal, sorry.

Since there's two people that use SP in the house, then surely whoever does the shopping just puts enough on the shop for two people's worth of periods each month. In the same way as you put enough toilet roll in your trolley for the whole family, or enough washing powder for the whole family. It's not a big mental load, and the demand is entirely predictable. It's not like her having periods every month is an unexpected event.

I think it's reasonable to be fed up that she didn't warn you they were running out when she used the last one. What's your normal system for this? We have a running shopping list on the fridge. Whoever uses the last of anything (or notices something is running low) adds it to the shopping list, and the person doing the shopping then buys it. If it's not on the list no-one gets to complain if it's not bought. This works pretty well, and puts responsibility back on the rest of the family, rather than the person doing the shopping being responsible for everything. And if DH a teen comes up to me and says "we're running out of x", my response is simply if you want it to be bought in the weekly shop, add it to the list". It took a bit of training to get them there at first, but now it works pretty seamlessly.

Next time she goes shopping ask her to bring some home

I live with my dad, he's forever topping up my stash bless him. I literally have about 50 packs of 8 in the bathroom cupboard, had to ask him to stop!

That's rather adorable.

I would be tempted to restock the usual place with a pack of the cheap, bulky maternity pads.
If they aren't suitable, the problem will solve itself in due course.

This is madness. Yes she should have said they were done but how can you grudge her the use of them? My 80yo grandmother keeps a supply in case any of the grandkids need them when visiting.

Keep them in your wardrobe in a supermarket carrier bag from now on and don't say where they are. However do make it clear that she can ask if she runs out, anyone can have an emergency. If she is earning, she needs to buy her own, she's an adult. A good idea is to buy every month on pay day, stock up a bit on sanitary goods and some other things.

Does she have to buy her own toilet roll as well?

Here's a wacky idea, how about talking to her about it and setting expectations. And while you're at it ask her to start handing money up now that she is working.