Estranged son asking for large amount of money

[Friartruckster]

Wants the money for a deposit for a house.

States is entitled to money I have inherited, set aside for him.

Hasn’t spoken to me in 7 years. Will walk past me in the street and blank me.

States I am toxic and hence no contact.

I am posting because it’s such a dilemma. I desperately want to help him get on the property ladder, but being estranged has had a massive effect on me. It’s a huge amount of money to handover. The fact we are estranged means I have no close family now. Things like adapting to Christmas alone. Feel that money represents my security as I near retirement.

Although he doesn’t deserve it, you have done what’s right for you here. Even though he had no right to ask, at some point in the past you did table giving both of your children some money. I think honouring that in your own way means a settled mind for you.
And then close your purse!
You are going to need the rest of that money so please don’t give in to further requests, because they will come.

He has some nerve - tell him you spent it on counselling.

Oooft I would not have transferred the money OP.

I'm estranged from my mother due to pretty serious abuse and I'd never dream of asking her for my inheritance early - if at all! I certainly don't expect to be in her will. I chose to cut her off to protect myself, she's not part of my family anymore so I should expect nothing. He can't cut you off and then demand money, that's absolutely ridiculous.

Which means society is subsidising her grasping son.

No is a complete sentence.

Do not allow what you birthed to try and bully you.
no contact us no contact, he doesn’t get to demand a large sum of money when he pleases.

This ^ will happen. He'll still ignore you in the street. You will still have no contact and also no money.

Help him…

I don’t know if you’re aware or not but the council only fund up to a certain amount and many residents in care homes have top ups from family to pay for add ons. The basic care on the basic local authority funding is absolute shite, I’d rather be in an RSPCA kennel.

Sorry but do you know the facts of this strangers life and what she may have done prior to all of this IT seems there's an issue between mum and dad here and she is not beign full transparent with anyone on this post.

No, I would not. I'd question even leaving money in my will to him. During my lifetime I certainly would not be giving even a tenner to someone who blanks me in the street.

Tell him yo take a run...! No one would treat me like that and get anything. In fact I have written one of my 3 children out of my will as they have chosen to be NC and I've never met my grandchildren. The NC is for "no reason, I will talk when I'm ready". Well I guess when they're ready I won't be OR I'll be dead and they'll be too late. Either way the money is yours until you die, not anyone else's by "right" don't be guilt tripped.

The top-ups can come from any source the LA can find, usually it's the pension or from property or from savings. In my great aunt's case, all she had was her state pension, which would have made a tiny proportion of the cost. So who paid for the rest? Also, your second sentence implies that in the 'kennels' there are no self-funders, including people who've been forced to sell their properties, which isn't true.

What? Don’t tell me how it works, I’ve been through this with my father, not some distant aunt. I know what was on offer based on how much the local authority funded against how much better the care homes when you had the means to self fund or top up.

the kennels bit was satire FFs, in that I would rather sleep in a dog kennel than a care home that was only funded by the LA.

It's not helping though, is it? He thinks he's entitled to it.

That’s your money. You are not obliged to give him a share.

It’s obvious you still love him and you’re torn. It’s hard. But there’s no obligation towards him.

Estranged or not, if it was clear what was intended by the person who left it, it should be his. If it wasn’t, and he just feels entitled, tell him to stroll on.

I think you handled this situation very well. You are much fairer than I would have been. Keep that money for yourself. Leave it to whomever you want when you die. If that means he gets nothing then so be it.

My sister is NC with my mum and emotionally blackmailed her into contributing to a house deposit.

She still treats my mum like shit on the occasions their paths cross.

I think your son has made his bed and you should let him get on with it.

Info: is it your inheritance or is it his? Did the will set it aside for him?

If it's yours use it how you like. If it's his give him it.

She has already answered this. It’s her money, it was never set aside for him.

Ans she has solved it now, read OP’s updates.

The op did explain that the money was left to her. She discussed with her daughter her idea of giving some of it to her and to her son; daughter told the son about the conversation. This the op has now done but was not obliged to do that. They have been given 50% of the inherited money between them. The op keeps the other half, puts some aside as provision for old age, can do as she pleases with the rest. She may remain fit and well into old age and I hope she does, many do, in which case the remainder of the money will go to her children on her death. I think she has made the right decision and wish her good luck for the future.

This makes no sense.
In OP you said:
The fact we are estranged means I have no close family now. Things like adapting to Christmas alone
So how can this be true if you have a daughter you have a good relationship with? Sorry if that has already been asked and answered.

Op stated she meant not geographically close - her DD is in Australia.

Don’t give him a penny, write or re write your will and leave everything to charity…

There should be no dilemma. The money is yours and DS has no right to it at all. Stop being guilt tripped into even considering handing over money to someone who doesn’t give a * about you. Use it to better your own life. Go to Australia. Enjoy time with your daughter. Forget about your thankless son.