To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

[Kinkyroots]

As the title says - kids are 19 and 20. Eldest works in a minimum wage job/zero hours contract, allegedly pursuing a career as a tattoo artist, although there doesn’t seem to be much going on in relation to this. Is just starting to pay keep again after a pause to help finance driving lessons, which have been stopped after losing confidence with the instructor.

Youngest started Uni in Sept, despite promises has not got a part time job. There has been freshers flu and whooping cough but after an initial flurry no more applications and no job. There has been part time job that they had before uni offered some hours over Christmas which they declined. They get minimum maintenance loan so we are obviously subsidising everything. They don’t party so that isn’t a huge issue, but there’s a £5500 hole at least we have to fill for accommodation.

Would DH and I be awful to book a summer holiday for this year without them? There are obviously 4 adults to pay for, and it is getting unmanageable. They haven’t contributed anything ever to holidays, and DH says enough is enough.

So - yes YABU to book a holiday without them

No - YANBU go for it, they need to learn to start paying their way

Please be gentle 😳

Im assuming its already been mentioned... they are adults, invite them and if they want to go (which i doubt they will) then make it very clear that they PAY!

and perhaps, given that they appear to be taking the p&ss with you and money, try saying NO! its hard for the first 2 times, and then it gets easier

DH and I are indulgent parents but we go on holiday without our DC who are at university. Admittedly we go during term time so it isn't as obvious but they know we are going. We also go away for the occasional weekend together as a family in the UK.

I think it is perfectly fine to go on holiday without DC when they are adults.

You might find that, after a few years of having to finance their own holidays, they become a lot nicer to take away. I sometimes head off with one or other of my adult children for a week's holiday, and I pay the greater portion but only because I know that they COULD pay if i couldn't. They are much better company for not living at home though.

Indeed! I didn't go on holiday with my parents (and much younger brother) after I hit 16.

My two aged 19 and 21 still want to come abroad with us as we all have fun. They have also done holidays with friends. One pays their full share as they are not in education and the one at uni pays a part share. They both have their own spending money. Me and DH usually have a 4 day break alone later in the year. I like the fact they still want to come as I know it won't be forever. I couldn't afford to pay for it all though so you are not BU.

I'm glad DDs want to come away with us still aged 20 and 16 and we enjoy one another's company. I still went on holiday with my parents in my teens and 20s and also away with friends/partner separately.

DH and I have been on several lovely holidays with my parents and in-laws, and since DDs were little we've always had short breaks together or with our mates without DDs. I don't get this Mumsnet rule that once you turn 16 you should be completely independent.

I wouldn't feel comfortable not taking them and the fact you have asked emphasizes that you don't feel comfortable about it either.
I would suggest that you pay for them this time and discuss them contributing in the future

@lostinthememory they sound like my parents who are always jetting off somewhere when I've had 5 nights staying with my eldest. My brother died last year so whilst he was ill they didn't go anywhere (about 4 months) but since then they've been to Lanzarote, France, cruise to Alaska and Japan, multiple holidays within the UK and are currently planning on going to USA soon as there are only 4 states they haven't visited. I'm on NMW.

YANBU, this is the age when people start going on their own holidays unless it suits everyone to go together. We were talking about a family holiday this summer but have realized that it’s not going to work with DD’s (20 this year) schedule so DH and I are now planning to go away in June while DS (16) is on a school trip. We might do something late summer if DD’s available, but she’s not sure yet.

DD may organize a holiday with her friends and if she does, I’ll contribute to it, because she works hard and I want her to have a good time.

My two are just turning 16 and 17 and have been told that our 2025 summer trip to Tenerife will be the last, as they will have important exams in the next few years, or we expect them to be working.

Once they are older we might revisit it but whether the below are options is discussions for nearer the time.
a) would they even want to come with us?
b) would we expect a token contribution towards the trip?

I'm excited for the teen-free holidays for 2026 and beyond. With what we save on taking them, we could book somewhere further afield or a bit more luxurious.

YANBU - enjoy your holiday with hubby. The grown up children will get on with whatever they want to do. If they want holidays, they'll need to pay for it. You can't subsidise them forever. Its not mean or cruel, it's the reality of adult life. If you want nice things, you need to be able to afford them. It sounds like you're doing an awful lot to support them already x

And as for DD1, she has had a part time job since she was 16 and transferred to the local branch when she went to university. I know lots of her friends are looking for work and jobs can be hard to come by. Over Christmas she worked 30+ hours a week at the home branch.

She actually said we're giving her too much money (topping up to what the full loan would be) at university and she doesn't need it.

DD2 is almost 16 and would have got a job at 14 if it had been possible, she can't wait to work and earn her own money.

I haven't taken mine since they finished school, both got their last family holiday the summer after a levels. I'm not against going with them in the future but they pay their own way bar treating to a meal perhaps. Definitely helps that dds and dsds dps families both have the same attitude

You can have a year off OP. Go somewhere they're not keen on if that helps.
I hope my dc will keep going away with me (teenage now and showing no signs of stopping) but would love to do some trips not centred around their interests as well. I stopped going away with my dps long before this, but they were going on UK holidays so that probably made a difference! (I did love holidays with my mum in later life).

Who on earth wants to go on holiday with their parents at 20 years old? I wouldn't have dreamt of it, except perhaps a weekend away for a very special birthday/anniversary. Blimey, times have changed.

Deffo save your money and enjoy a holiday alone. Doesn’t have to be the final holiday but explain that until they’re a bit more financially independent you can’t afford to pay for their luxury holidays too.

I’ve got to admit I was paying from my own holidays with friends at that age, they’re both still bankrolled by you so could be working to pay for a holiday with friends while they have very little outgoings for the last time before they become fully independent adults

Paid for my 20/21 year old at Uni son to come on a mega family holiday with us this year. He was annoying and whiney and I regretted it. However his 17/18 year old brother was pefectly behaved and enjoyed the experience!

Time to get real. They need to save up for luxuries like holidays like the rest of us! They're both adults now.

My eldest is 17 and has a part time job with the local authority and enjoys it. Off sick at the moment though but wants to get working again so he can save up for his next holiday. He has to buy any stuff himself like hard drives for his computer or driving lessons. We aren't doing that for him.

Gosh, how old are you if your parents are 18?😁

You need to withdraw funds, stop enabling them and bugger off on a luxury holiday.

Then they can't "refuse hours" and will have to get jobs to support their lifestyles.

While you sip cocktails in the Maldives, enjoy ☺️

Even if they were working really hard you wouldn't be unreasonable. Your adults and you have raised your children, have as many holidays as you like without them.

Probs doesnt help, but im paying for my DS17 to come on hols with us 5 times this year, just enjoying it while he wants to come away if im honest!

DS18 wont come on 3 of them as his GF isnt invited to those as they too expensive!

That's so lovely, I'd still be the same!

We go sans enfants the last few years now dh and i, my college going 2 are 20 and 22 and havent taken them the last 2 years, about 4 holidays. We took them every year for 25 years, my eldest is 27, so they havent done without.
I also did some weekends away with them, Taylor in paris was my treat for xample, i love that i can and we have a great time.
Mine are to busy in college tbh to go with us now, we are off in Feb again and they have classes so thats that anyways. They dont have jobs and we fund them, so they know not to ask to come lol. But Id have no issue taking them somewhere, so long as DH and I still get away on our own.
In your case, id just book it and say, oh BTW dad and i are away next month, fee the cat ok? you dont need permission to do it, and its not unreasonable at all.

Have you asked them, do you want to come on holiday with us ? We choose where and you pay half and spending money.
I bet it’s a NO and maybe they will be arranging a house party as we speak