To consider not taking our 19 and 20 yr old on holiday this year

[Kinkyroots]

As the title says - kids are 19 and 20. Eldest works in a minimum wage job/zero hours contract, allegedly pursuing a career as a tattoo artist, although there doesn’t seem to be much going on in relation to this. Is just starting to pay keep again after a pause to help finance driving lessons, which have been stopped after losing confidence with the instructor.

Youngest started Uni in Sept, despite promises has not got a part time job. There has been freshers flu and whooping cough but after an initial flurry no more applications and no job. There has been part time job that they had before uni offered some hours over Christmas which they declined. They get minimum maintenance loan so we are obviously subsidising everything. They don’t party so that isn’t a huge issue, but there’s a £5500 hole at least we have to fill for accommodation.

Would DH and I be awful to book a summer holiday for this year without them? There are obviously 4 adults to pay for, and it is getting unmanageable. They haven’t contributed anything ever to holidays, and DH says enough is enough.

So - yes YABU to book a holiday without them

No - YANBU go for it, they need to learn to start paying their way

Please be gentle 😳

The reality is that Christmas for most students is a maximum of 4 weeks. almost a week of that is christmas/new year itself. Generally they have essays to submit in the first week and then exams when they go back.

Most employers are no longer prepared to take on students for 3-4 weeks. They're just not. There is so much regulation/process to go through nowadays that it simply isn't worth their while. The zero hours/gig economy has destroyed the opportunity for students to find work.

Even summer can be difficult to find work particularly if the student is away on holiday at all.

@Ciri I think it depends on the course. My DD didn't have anything to work on over the winter break as she'd had exams at the end of term.

She was able to work for her summer employer as they needed extra staff over the busy Christmas period. It worked well for both sides - the employer didn't need to train her up as she already knew the job and it meant that some of their regular staff could take days off over Christmas as both DD and another summer employee were available to fill for them.

DH and I didn't take our son on holiday with us one year, it was in term time, he was at school.

The school were absolutely furious, I got many messages and emails from them whilst I was away, demanding to know how we dared leave our son home alone whilst we went on holiday.

I had to point out several times that DS was 18 years old, with his own car and driving licence and it was perfectly acceptable for him to be 'home alone'
So yes, leave them at home 😁

@PersephoneSmith Bloomin’heck, how strange that the school did that given he was legally an adult!

THIS

When I was 16, on holiday with my parents, my father said: " I hope this is the last time you're coming on holiday with us...."
I looked a bit surprised, then he added. . .
"-you've got a bicycle, a passport and a youth hostel card, -and you know I'll give what it would cost me to take you away with me and your mother . . . ."
I never looked back.

If I could afford it, I would pay for them if they still wanted to come. You have years of going without them ahead.

When my oldest daughter turned 17 there were times she didn’t want to come with us on UK holidays.
She had some friends over for company and we returned to the house in a reasonable state .
laundry a bit piled up and not as clean as I’d have it but it was absolutely fine.
Other times she did want to come along for the holiday and that was fine , didn’t cost extra for transport we were all in the one car .
She got coffees and cake for us sometimes and we weren’t extravagant eating out .
Middle girl continued to come with us for quite some time after she turned 18 but at some point started travelling herself overseas .
youngest has disabilities so we have had only one break away without her ( not easy to organise )
i don’t think you’re being unreasonable not wanting to take them if they’re not going to contribute in any way at all

Not necessarily, my husband died unexpectedly a couple of months after the holiday I mentioned (aged 50). I never got the years of happy empty-nesting I had planned.

We’ve told them and booked something just the 2 of us. Explained we just can’t afford to pay everything for 4 adults. Have said it isn’t necessarily forever, but right now there just isn’t that money. A bit of grumbling, a lot less than I expected tbh.

They are not drinkers or partiers and get on very well. They’re looking forward to the pet-sitting!

Great!! And if they want holidays they will need to get jobs to pay for them.

^

This!

It's just me and DS so that makes our holidays cheaper - we went away at Christmas and are looking at somewhere for summer. He might also go away with Uni friends - but it's precious time together doing something we both enjoy. I can still remember the last holiday I went on with my family and it's important memories.

There will come a time when he wants to do his own thing - and good for him when he does that. I can then do my own thing.

You’ve “quoted” something I didn’t say or even suggest 😂