They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

To be honest I don’t understand the point of this thread seeing how it has progressed and with OP feeling attacked etc. All you can do is complain to the NHS if you are not happy.

As an outsider it seems like there are some flags on your record that means you are vulnerable or a risk. I doubt the NHS does a home visit for everyone who misses an appointment so there’s something about you which may make mean they need to. You’ll only find out with a formal complaint.

Is it standard practice for HCPs to be rude, condescending and demand to look through a patient's phone?

I agree with you that that happens, but this doesn't appear to be the case in this instance at all. She accidentally missed one appointment due to illness and had already rescheduled it before this unannounced house call. She'd also kept in contact via email and phone calls with the hospital. The issue here is that the various systems are not aligned. She's lucky that the midwives didn't go straight to reporting her to social services which some would, as that would have been really shitty considering she'd maintained contact with the hospital and rebooked the missed appointment.

Having just come back to this thread, it sounds like they may have genuine concerns for your well being OP. You sound exceptionally defensive and unable/unwilling to monitor your GD so I really do think they were acting out of concern. Can you imagine the headlines if women that midwives had concerns about were dropping dead and nobody had bothered to check on them?
The only thing that doesn’t sit right with me is you saying that they demanded to look at your phone. If you’re sure that the situation hasn’t made you sensationalise this a little then you do need to raise your concern about that as it really wasn’t appropriate!

Try hanging your hand down for a few minutes before you test, and making sure your fingers are warm. Then squeeze towards the tip of your finger to trap the blood there

You’re being unreasonable.

Being an adult also means you have the ability to empathise with a heavily pregnant woman who has been ill for 3 weeks. You sound like you were one of the midwives with a god complex.

Havnt read all the thread but your first post would make me cross too. They have no right to turn up unannounced ( unless a safeguarding issue is there) and they certainly shouldn't be rude. God so many midwives are rude...i met lots during both pregnancy. The last one lectured me about going to work too soon afterwards. She soon shut up when I asked her if she wanted to pay my mortgage so I could stay off!

YANBU, but I’m not surprised at the responses you have got on here OP. On Mumsnet it seems that anyone in healthcare, social workers, teachers etc. never puts a foot wrong, and it’s always the OP who’s at fault. I think those midwives have made a presumption about you because of your age and it’s your first baby. I’ve heard that the COVID that’s been going around recently is a particularly nasty strain so it’s understandable that you have been poorly.

I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy. Try not to let those midwives get to you. They should be supporting you, not destroying your confidence and talking to you like a naughty child.

well presumably they knocked on the door
i think you are being ott

If it helps , I think with GD , they don’t just leave it . I went a GD test when pregnant with my second ( he’s now 10 so a while ago ) , heard nothing . One day I had been out and came home to a card through my door from a midwife , asking me to call asap . When I called they were quite stern ( “ everyone has been trying to get hold of you ! “ - they had a different number for me for some reason ) my results showed i had GD and had to be given insulin and I had to go to the hospital the next day .

Another nasty kicking on MN for a pregnant woman.

So sorry OP.
Its awful to read.
Wishing you well.

I imagine OP would feel exactly the same had they been empathetic and supportive instead of suspicious and belittling

The thing is, from the limited information they have - missed appointment and not checking glucose levels- there could have been something wrong. If they didn’t call round that could have been neglectful of them. Their condescending attitude is a different issue, but might it have seemed even worse than it was because of how invaded you felt (reasonably) at them turning up unannounced?

Unmanaged Gestational diabetes can have very serious results. Even a few days of high glucose levels can have a negative impact on the baby. If it goes on for longer it can be catastrophic. This is not something they could leave for a few days.

OP, being ill can really mess up your blood glucose. You can also feel very ill when your blood glucose is off.

Can someone in the household pick up your supplies and be taught to do finger sticks?

Dear @Snowedon - sorry you’re poorly and feel crap after this visit and the whole situation. I hope you get better soon and things get a bit easier.
if it helps you maybe to look at it a bit differently - it’s good in a way that mid wives came out to visit you and check you were ok. If you weren’t then it would have been very useful. I do think nurses can sometimes sound a bit weird because they say “how are we feeling” … and I always want to say - not sure how you’re feeling but I feel rubbish!!
But where would we be without them?!!
anyway I hope you manage to sleep and rest and get looked after and feel better soon. Take care xx

OP just adding on here that I was never able to get a home GD reading either and neither was my dh and was eventually told by the nurse that those kits are utterly rubbish.

I am sorry you had an awful experience.

Just to clarify, are you being asked to do the readings to see if you have GD? Because I recall in one of my pregnancies doing them twice a day and feeling really anxious about the idea I might have it. I may well be wrong, but I’m wondering if they are concerned that you are not doing these readings so they won’t be able to establish if you have GD or not? Apologies in advance if I’ve misunderstood

I agree.

GD isn't something you can just blow off because you're ill.

If you have covid and are pregnant, it would have been a good idea to seek treatment.

The HCPs visited (unannounced) because statistically speaking, you are at greater risk for domestic violence if you are pregnant, and you mention you are young and this is not your first pregnancy, so that risk is magnified. You have very likely been flagged for risk in your circumstances. That would explain why they berated the family member for not looking after you, and frankly, your family are not looking after you if nobody has taken your covid or your GD testing or your appointments seriously.

It behooves you to communicate with all the teams involved in your care, and not to depend on one team to let the rest know what's happening. If you're not able to do this, maybe family members could help?

In general, if you're so ill or confused that you lose track of appointments, it would probably be a good idea to seek extra support (are there patient advocates?) or try to figure out ways of keeping track - calendars, reminders on your phone, roping in a family member to keep track of it all.

And do not even consider pretending you're not home if there's a follow up visit.

The UK is utterly mental with its hero worship of authority 😂 OP should be punished through institutional scrutiny because she didn't like inappropriate (demanding proof on a phone, as though they're the police) and patronising contact? For goodness sake

So send your family member to get the lancets or ask your family member to bring you to A&E to get your covid treated.

Don't just sit there fighting with the HCPs. What do you think you'll gain by that? Do you think they'll just shut up and go away?

Get help if you can't do what is needed. If you're feeling overwhelmed and ill, get more support and seek treatment.

There's a bigger picture here that you're completely missing.

So you don't actually have GD? Have you had a GTT at all as surely this would be the best way to decide if you need to monitor your blood sugar?

Have you managed any readings at all and how have they been?

Some info is being left out as I'm unsure why the HCP's are insisting you test your blood sugar.

I'm also surprised you can't get a reading at all? You cannot get a few drops of blood at all? Is your machine faulty?

Who do you live with? What help have you had for your illness? Have you seen a GP?

Sorry for all the questions. Although I'm just a random on the Internet so I imagine if this is the (lack of) info your MW has then no wonder they are sending people to check on you. You can't tell them you are too sick to collect a script / can't get any readings / miss an appointment / be an incredibly high risk pregnancy (if you are under 4 teams it must be high risk?) and not expect anyone to at least check on you.

They didn't need to be condescending and rude while they were there though

I’d definitely complain! Legally you don’t even have to see a health professional let alone midwives all through your pregnancy and that includes health visitors unless you have some sort of social services involvement. So yep, write a strongly worded letter,to their manager