They showed up announced?!

[Snowedon]

Heavily pregnant. Missed a midwife appointment a couple of days ago that has been re-booked (just a standard check up at GP) and was meant to start home testing for GD but have been ill with what we think was COVID since Christmas. Been utterly wiped out but tried to do some readings. Failed miserably, communicated all this to the team at the hospital.

I was in bed feeling ill, trying to rest when the door went. It was two midwives. A household member let in confused. I was equally as perplexed since nothing was booked nor mentioned to me. Basically I felt the whole time they were condescending and rude. They spoke to me like a little child telling me off, reminding me of the danger I'm putting my unborn child under, and to remind me and household members to do a "better job of taking care of me". The appointment missed was genuinely the first time I've done something like that and it simply went under my radar since I'm under 4 different teams for different things and appointments are becoming confusing and overwhelming with cancellations and changes. I explained that I had already spoken to the hospital about my troubles with my testing to which they demanded I showed them my phone for "proof". I tried to explain how ill I've been and they belittled it by saying "yes a COLD is going around at the moment" and then kept referring to it as a cold.

Surely they can't do this and need permission first before showing up announced. I would never put my child in harms way, but regardless am I wrong for thinking it's my body and I have a right to not show up/decline things when I want (not saying I am) but regardless. That then doesn't give them the green light to come to my home and bully me surely? I maybe overly sensitive to all of this since I've been ill for 3 long weeks now, really pregnant, but I do feel like as I'm quite young that I've had a major history of being not taken seriously and treated in a patronising manner during this pregnancy. This isn't my first and I know what I am doing. I'm listening and taking things onboard, I am trying. But my god I am getting fed up of this treatment by everyone and it's racking my confidence going forward for birth.

The OP refers to 'free will and rights' which implies all the rights are on her side. She does not mention the responsibilities that come with rights. Personal responsibilities are important. a person has the right to refuse medical care unless they are pregnant and more than 24 weeks and the baby is healthy. The midwives were acting responsibly in trying to ensure that the OP takes care of herself and her baby.
Do you remember the frantic search for Constance Marten when she went missing heavily pregnant. Now I hope that the OP is nothing like Constance, I am sure she is not. But that particular case is a reason why Health Authorities believe it is their responsibility to check on the welfare of pregnant mothers.

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/feb/28/missing-couple-constance-marten-and-mark-gordon-arrested-search-for-baby-continues

@Whiteskies oh please give over. Comparing my situation to the likes of people who are abusive and neglectful is insane. I have a DC. They are healthy, happy, go to school, fed well, dressed and loved.

I know what I'm doing with this pregnancy

I think a massive oversight is that I am NOT diagnosed with gd. This all started because baby measured SLIGHTLY over the average at my 20th week scan. So far I've had two more measurements done and both came back only 2/3 days ahead in growth which they were not conceded about. My partner is 6"5. I am tiny. Everyone in his family is large. My DC was big and I suspect this one will be too because of his genes.

Again, not to say I won't continue with the GD TEST. Which fyi I'm doing now as we speak. And again, despite 7 attempts and split fingers/bruises, have failed to get a reading. Had a nice little panic attack afterwards though because I'm obviously such a bad mum for putting my baby at risk when I genuinely can not get my fingers to play ball

You’re under 4 different teams? It sounds like they had a genuine concern for your wellbeing and, though you have reasons, you haven’t been testing for GD. If you’ve been ill for weeks I’d have thought you’d be glad that someone had come to check on you and your baby.

I have only skimmed, so apologies if someone else has suggested this, @Snowedon - but did you know that deacon will send you a free, wearable glucose monitor to try out? I use them for type 2 diabetes, and they are really easy to apply and to use - you get the readings to an app on your phone. Freestyle Libre do the same thing. The deacon sensors last 10 days, and the Freestyke Libre ones last a week, so you could get 17 days of blood sugar monitoring for free.

YABU. You are not coming over well on your later posts either.

The midwives are doing their job and it sounds like they were met with hostility (you said you wouldn't have let them in if you had a choice) so probably not surprising they were defensive and demanding.

You are making poor excuses for not doing the GD finger-pricking - it's not exactly difficult, even if you are sick and in bed. Anyone can collect the lancets for you or just order online for next day delivery.

The baby's health needs to be taken seriously and if you are sick, then even more reason for them to check on you. Most people would be grateful that medical professionals are going out of their way to check up on sick people.

Forgot to mention, in this weather, warm your hands up with warm water and make sure you drink plenty before trying to test. Then stand up and make sure your hand is hanging down by your side to get the blood flowing before pricking it.

My sister was horribly patronised by midwives about her gestational diabetes and taking antidepressants. She's a nurse! Who had discussed it all very throughly with her doctors. But that wasn't good enough for those bullies.
Some health professionals are appalling - a friend of mine saw four members of staff surround a frail elderly patient and threaten her with being charged for her hospital bed if she didn't sod off and free up the space. The poor woman needed home care to be arranged before she could leave. The hospital issued a half-hearted apology but you wonder how many other vulnerable patients have been threatened and harassed - these people clearly felt entitled to behave in such a disgraceful manner

I wouldn't be surprised if you get a social services referral from them.

It's a safeguarding concern missing appointments for the welfare of both baby and mum. Their tact wasn't professional but definitely they've referred you

If I'd just woken up to an unannounced visit I wouldn't have known if I was coming or going?

Pregnant women have the right to refuse medical care as long as they have capacity. I think you are making up the law.

But the op has never refused care.

This is nothing like that tragic case which I suspect was a lot more complicated and probably involved failures of multiple services somewhere along the way.

You are ill and failing to do what you need to do - not testing for GD that’s serious.
I hope you feel better soon OP but don’t moan because the midwives are looking after you because you aren’t .

I'm type 2 diabetic, and have to use a particular brand of tester as it's like getting blood out of a stone otherwise.
https://www.accu-chek.co.uk/products/lancing/fastclix

Otherwise ring your GP surgery and ask them for single disposable hospital grade ones, they're vicious but work.

They’re maybe concerned that the reason you’re also ill is because of GD and so quite concerned about finding out if you have it or not as can have serious implications for the baby too such as not being able to breathe on delivery. I’d try not to get too worked up about it all, just state to your midwife next time how you are being made to feel and she’ll probably explain why they appeared.

@Custardslices I missed one appointment dear. I think it takes a lot more than that for ss to give it a time of day. I've I missed countless or multiple then sure. Stop over dramatising or is stressing heavily pregnant women your thing

@Ceecee2422 I'm ill because it's winter, and a lot of crap is going around. My partner caught it too

Did they not suggest a GTT instead? Just talk to your midwife next time you have to see her, they are quite often condescending so I don’t think it’s just your age

@Throughthebluebells I am tired now. Over 100 responses will do that to you. Sorry if I don't come across great but this snippet of me is not true to who I am as a person and you shouldn't really judge a whole picture based of a piece

Seriously. The amateur sleuths on here

You know. Sometimes the OP posts actual facts and recounts what actually happens.

I know there's been quite a few deleted threads lately, but troll hunting is still against the rules

You can do all this without being patronising to a grown adult.

OP I think you were genuinely unlucky and just happened to have a couple of women who like bossing people about and making people feeling small turn up.

They won’t all be like that but there are always people in caring roles that aren’t very caring at all.

It will be more upsetting for you because you get this a lot and they caught you unawares but I would be annoyed and upset too. It’s too much like being “policed” whereas it should feel like you have your community looking out for you and the baby.

The way they spoke to you is unacceptable, however I would also be wanting to visit you to monitor you and the baby. Diabetic patients are able to carry on monitoring their glucose with flu/ covid/ pregnancy etc so the fact you haven’t been and you missed an appointment is a red flag - and so it should be.

That red flag will escalate if you disengage - people are so quick to criticise when a health visitor/ midwife/ social worker misses something that causes harm to a baby or a child - but also quick to criticise when they are trying to do their job!!

They don’t know you are safe - they don’t know you are being looked after!

I've read the OP twice and can't see where she's lied and ghosted healthcare workers. Can you quote where she did?

Why did you let them in? It’s fine for them to knock on, obviously it would be unreasonable for them to force their way in but if you invite them in that’s on you.

They have a duty of care. We are so lucky to have the NHS here. GD cannot be left until a time when you’re ready to test. We have a great healthcare service, utilise it