To not go to the races for my friends birthday?

[Bumpnwalk]

I was added to a WhatsApp group the other day, created by my friend. She has added about 15 people into it and it’s to discuss the plans for her birthday. She has said that she is organising a day at the races and has told us the cost etc and has asked if we can let her know asap who can make it.

She isn’t my best friend, but is still a friend of mine that I have known for quite a while and I was looking forward to spending her birthday with her. My heart sank because I absolutely do not want to attend the races. Straight away I thought, well I can’t go. But then I thought well maybe I can do it for her, for her birthday, so that I get to celebrate it with her. However, I know for a fact that I will not enjoy the day. I don’t want to put my money into something that I don’t agree with and am morally against. The thought of getting all dressed up and having to watch it makes me feel very uncomfortable. My boyfriend has asked me in the past if I would want to go and I told him I will never attend.

I have been vegan for 8 years and work with animals so I am hoping she will understand. If this was your birthday event, would you be upset/offended/pissed off if one of your friends didn’t attend for this reason? I haven’t replied to the WhatsApp yet but will need to soon as she sent it a few days ago.

@Sunseaandsand1 good post. I was thinking myself that this is a good opportunity to explain just WHY you are opposed to horse racing. Be an out and proud vegan, no need to hide your moral values as if its something to be ashamed about. A chance to educate your friend, in a non judgy way, obviously. You never know she might even change her mind about it and do something else! What a win that would be!

I know, vegans won't stop telling me! 🎣

@RedToothBrush that is such old hat patter. People don't believe that anymore. The horses that don't win end up as dog meat. The ones that do win end up as dog meat once they get too old to win.

The horses run becasue they are prey animals and so are conditioned to - once one sets off they all do.
They do it through fear not joy. I have ridden horses that run because they want to, its very different
And thats before you even get into the treatment of horses who aren't good enough or are too old.

The relevance is, there are rules already in place to stop the abuse of racing horses and as you eluded too, he chose to ignore them and was rightly punished.

Are you stating this was a unique one off event or would you like me to show more incidents of abuse towards horses involved in commercial racing?

https://www.racingpost.com/news/international/jockey-receives-hefty-suspension-after-whipping-rival-horse-on-the-head-ac2g42z4L0h5/

Presumably she knows you are a vegan. Just tell her it’s the same thing.

There's no need to lie because you're not doing anything wrong.

Just say you can't make it in the group chat then, if/when she approaches you about it, be honest. At the end of the day, you've turned down invites to the races from your partner before for the same reason.

If she gets arsey she's being a really shitty friend, I think. Nobody should have to go against their morals and values for someone's birthday.

You can do whatever you like. 👍

I’m leaving the thread now as this was really not what the OP was asking and I don’t want to derail this thread anymore.

OP has already made the point they don’t agree with horse racing and just wanted to know how to deal with their friend.

I like it, have done for years. You don’t and don’t agree with it and I can obviously understand why some people feel that way.

Has she picked a date? If so, just say you have something else booked already. If not, lie low (or be vaguely keen) and wait for her to pick a date based on others' replies, then say you have something else booked already.

Thanks everyone for commenting. I have read all of the comments and decided to just respond to the group to say I can’t make it but hope they have a great day. I’ll see if she messages me

Meet them afterwards for dinner?

And if she does press you, just say racing isn’t for me but I can meet you afterwards for drinks and/or dinner.

Good idea.

And if she presses you further just say that you don't want to put a damper on her birthday by going to the races, but you would love to join them afterwards.

I’d be grateful a friend alerted me to the fact that many people find the sport abhorrent. It might help her to reflect on why this is.

I would tell her you can’t go for ethical reasons - that’s why you’re vegan.

Some people have no idea of the harm they are supporting attending these events. Better to raise awareness if asked about it.

It’s seven times too many.

i expect you agree, unless you’d be happy to let me come and do it to your pet, or to you?

I'd only give a reason if she directly asks

I wouldn’t go either, but wouldn’t say why. Not that it doesn’t matter, it wouldn’t feel productive to get into a discussion about it. I’d offer to meet her for a birthday coffee and cake instead, as a means of changing the subject and having a way to celebrate with her you’ll actually look forward to.
edited to add you know her best, if you think she’d suddenly think “oh! I didn’t realise!” Then great!

What on earth are you going on about?!

I'd simply hate to go to the races with someone who had a perma cat bum face about it and sucked all the fun out of it because of their moralising.

OP should just not go. For everyone's sake.

I'm "going on about" Your tired old argument that the horses get treated like royalty blah blah." I'm pointing out that this might happen to the successful ones. For a limited time. Didn't think it was that hard to understand. It's sad that you consider betting on animals fun and that anyone opposed to it is moralising...

Just tell her you disagree with horse racing. Don't make out like you think people who do it or watch it or bet on it are bad people, it's just you've come to the conclusion it's not something you want to support.

Does she have a problem with you only eating vegan food if you eat together? If not, she probably won't be upset you don't want to go racing provided you don't adopt a "holier than thou" attitude when you tell her.

Horse racing isn't really cruel. Horses that don't want to race, don't. They can't be forced into it. Sure some of them die but https://www.horsedeathwatch.com/ suggests there hasn't been a fatality in over 3 weeks (Annaharvey Lad (IRE) at Southwell on 16th Dec appears to be the most recent). Considering the number of meetings, races and runners since then, the fatality rate is pretty low. I can't find British stats but in the US it's reported as 1.23 fatalities per 1000 starts, so very low. Of course they don't have jump racing in America, but then their conditions for flat race horses are worse than in Britain.

Your friend must have a pretty high opinion of herself if she expects 15 people to spend a whole day and good whack of money celebrating her birthday!
Just say thanks, but no thanks and don't give it another thought.

@Dotjones one unnecessary death of an innocent animal for human gain and entertainment is too many. If it was something which involved pet dogs being killed in the numbers you quoted, would you be as blasé about it?

This is just not true - my understanding is that horses trained and entered to race in Britain are excluded from both the human and animal food chain under the rules of racing. So no, racehorses do not end up as dog-meat, whether they are winners of losers. Putting a horse down costs money, as well as the difficult logistics of disposal etc. Race horses are expensive (and often much loved) so there would really be little point in putting a healthy horse to sleep just because it was no longer racing. Most horses that retire from racing (or from race training) go on to have a great life and often have very successful careers as ridden horses in other disciplines, or enjoy being expensive, beautiful lawnmowers.

No - dont lie - just be honest!!!