To not go to the races for my friends birthday?

[Bumpnwalk]

I was added to a WhatsApp group the other day, created by my friend. She has added about 15 people into it and it’s to discuss the plans for her birthday. She has said that she is organising a day at the races and has told us the cost etc and has asked if we can let her know asap who can make it.

She isn’t my best friend, but is still a friend of mine that I have known for quite a while and I was looking forward to spending her birthday with her. My heart sank because I absolutely do not want to attend the races. Straight away I thought, well I can’t go. But then I thought well maybe I can do it for her, for her birthday, so that I get to celebrate it with her. However, I know for a fact that I will not enjoy the day. I don’t want to put my money into something that I don’t agree with and am morally against. The thought of getting all dressed up and having to watch it makes me feel very uncomfortable. My boyfriend has asked me in the past if I would want to go and I told him I will never attend.

I have been vegan for 8 years and work with animals so I am hoping she will understand. If this was your birthday event, would you be upset/offended/pissed off if one of your friends didn’t attend for this reason? I haven’t replied to the WhatsApp yet but will need to soon as she sent it a few days ago.

I agree with @Wildwalksinjanuary .
I wouldn't be too bothered about losing a friend who

1. Has asked me to go to the races I would expect them to know my feelings and if they didn't they're not that much of a friend.
2. One who enjoys that sort of thing as I wouldn't really have that much in common with them.

I'm not judging OP that is just my opinion. I don't think you have to say if you don't want to lose her friendship but if you're not bothered I'd say I really don't like the horse racing industry. I hate gambling too so double reason for me.

I've had a similar experience when my work night out was a night out at the dog racing. This is completely not for me due to morals and I wasn't about to make an excuse to make all my (all male at the time) team at work feel better. Its something expected of women far too often imo. Just be honest and say its not for you but you can meet up for lunch or a drink another time for her birthday.

I entirely understand and agree. I've been vegan for decades and I hate horse racing, so I'd feel the same. It's perfectly ok to just tell her you can't make it if you're worried she might be offended by telling her you have ethical issues with this.

I have been brought up following horseracing and even worked at a racecourse, but I am aware many of my friends disagree with horseracing. We are still friends, but I wouldn't dream of asking them to come to the races when I know their values.

Don’t go if you don’t agree with it, I declined an invite to dog racing for the same reason.
if she asks just say you don’t like it.
She’ll probably not be happy as people always are when you decline an invite for moral reasons … think they think you are making them look bad. No way I’d put my money towards something I was against.

Just keep telling yourself that 🙄

Some kind of minor, routine medical procedure, like a colonoscopy perhaps? 😅

I would just say unfortunately you can't attend but can you take her out for - afternoon tea / cocktails / whatever you both enjoy - another day.

I loooove the races. However I respect not everyone does, that’s ok. I have friends who don’t like it for the same reasons as yourselves. Zero issues between us.

say in the group you aren’t able to join but hope everyone has an amazing day.

presumably she knows your vegan etc, so private message her and give the reason.

Get over yourself and go and join your friend in celebrating her birthday.

The races are great fun, usually with a great gourp of people and a great party atmophere, and a really good excuse to wear outlandish hats! plus the food is usually great, and theres plentiful booze. So, pull your head out of your arse ethics..... and go to your friends birthday.

Nasty post! As evidenced by many on this thread, not everyone wants to spend their time in such an environment, surrounded by noisy, braying people, gambling and drinking, no matter how 'great' the group of people, the 'party atmosphere', the fun, the food or how plentiful the 'booze' is! Let alone the moral objections many have.

Horses for courses eh?

What a selfish attitude.

What a daft post. Why would anyone spend their presumably limited time and money on attending a party they know they won't enjoy, whether it involves stock car racing, zorbing, horse racing, poncing around in a ridiculous hat or any other activity? The party can go ahead without any particular individual being present.

what is a selfish attitude is letting something you dont like, prevent you from celebrating yoyur friends birthday!
If you are a friend then you put aside your own discomfort and celebrate with them.
As someone with at times - major- social anxiety, you just deal with it.

This is pretty ridiculous.

So basically, your "friend" bullies you in to attending things?

Some friend 😒 Major Main Character Syndrome going on.

@ClosetBasketCase do you know it's possible to have different opinions that mean more than simple likes and dislikes?
The OP cannot attend an event where animals are mistreated to 'please' her friend. She can meet her another day/time away from a race track.

Not a big deal. Just say sorry I can't attend. I hope you have a lovely birthday

You clearly don't get the concept of having a moral objection to something. It's against the OP's personal moral code. It's not just a case of "something you don't like". You sound about 13