To not go to the races for my friends birthday?

[Bumpnwalk]

I was added to a WhatsApp group the other day, created by my friend. She has added about 15 people into it and it’s to discuss the plans for her birthday. She has said that she is organising a day at the races and has told us the cost etc and has asked if we can let her know asap who can make it.

She isn’t my best friend, but is still a friend of mine that I have known for quite a while and I was looking forward to spending her birthday with her. My heart sank because I absolutely do not want to attend the races. Straight away I thought, well I can’t go. But then I thought well maybe I can do it for her, for her birthday, so that I get to celebrate it with her. However, I know for a fact that I will not enjoy the day. I don’t want to put my money into something that I don’t agree with and am morally against. The thought of getting all dressed up and having to watch it makes me feel very uncomfortable. My boyfriend has asked me in the past if I would want to go and I told him I will never attend.

I have been vegan for 8 years and work with animals so I am hoping she will understand. If this was your birthday event, would you be upset/offended/pissed off if one of your friends didn’t attend for this reason? I haven’t replied to the WhatsApp yet but will need to soon as she sent it a few days ago.

I hope by now you have declined the invite.

I certainly wouldn’t like to be whipped the way the jockeys whip the horses during the race!

Im not a fan of the races so I wouldn't go

It’s not about interrogating friends or being intense! It’s just part of normal social conventions in many circles to explain why you can’t make it to your mates birthday /engagement party/ baby shower etc. So in her social circle, as it is in mine, it’s rude not to explain.

I’m sure this is the way OP and her friend have always communicated , so it will look strange if she suddenly doesn’t explain.

She may even wonder if something is wrong with OP, like I did when a friend did that.
The one time I can remember a friend declining a meet-up without explaining why, when I probed further it turned out they didn’t have the money but hadn’t wanted to say it in case it looked like they were hinting I pay.

I’m glad I did ask because i knew she wasn’t rude and this wasn’t her usual way of communicating. So I was then able to offer to cover their cost and they were genuinely happy and so was I.

I’m not massively against racing but wouldn’t want to see 2 year olds running, not any National Hunt racing over whopping great fences and ditches.

The dressing up and being in heels all day would make me decline.

I too hate the way the jockeys whip the horses @Rollse 🥲

The races aren't barbaric in the slightest, the horses get treated like royalty and are bred to race

I would be honest, but in a respectful way. 'Hi friend, I would love to do something with you for your birthday but cannot attend a horse racing meeting due to my belief, and hope you can understand that. I hope we can arrange to do something else special for your birthday and can make a time to spend time to celebrate together.'

If she is likely to ask, just be honest. You don't agree with it morally and I'm sure she knows you're vegan and should understand.

This, not many horses die taking part in show jumping or dressage, many horse die horse racing.

I have been to the races (flat racing) but many years ago. My ex husband was really into it but over the years I have seen/heard about so many deaths, I can’t even watch it in the tv. Horse die every day horse racing (we only hear about a few), also many of the stables involved are also involved in fox hunting.

OP, just tell her you won’t be going because it’s not something you support or agree with.

Who cares for rules around animal abuse when there's money involved.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/horse-racing/jockey-mark-zahra-whip-fine-31245450

The same way animals are bred for food…..which OP also doesn’t agree with. Everyone has a right to an opinion.

"as a vegan"

They don't make you eat the horses you know.

shes Invited 15 people, not just you, I think it’s fair to say she won’t be too devestatesd if one or two people can’t make it. Just decline politely, it’s an invite not a summons.

I'd be honest with her, I'd say that although you'd love to spend her birthday with her, you are unable to attend the races because of your veganism.

There's no point in lying about having something else on, as what if she does the races AGAIN next year!! Just tell her the truth, and if she mocks you or eye rolls or anything, you'll see what kind of friend she is to you.

It probably hasn't crossed her mind that being vegan is about more than what you put in your mouth.

Oh goodness, veganism isn't just about what you eat!!

Just tell her it’s not your thing and don’t go. Don’t tell her you object on moral grounds as that would make you a bit of a dick .

The risk of them breaking their legs and having to be shot is far higher.

You do know a lot of the movement you see is the whip being waved around, they dont always make contact. Race whips all have sensors in to track how frequent and how hard the horses are hit. They're also pretty bendy.

Having worked on race yards I'd say the horse are kept much better than your average happy hacker cob. All the yards I've been on have treated the horses well, they've all had turnout and enjoyed the work.

God no! I like a day at the races and have grown up around racing, but I wholly respect other people's choice not to partake and fully understand the moral argument against it. I'm sure your friend will understand.

Not really sure what the relevance is?

This is not an everyday occurrence, jockeys are not allowed to this.

He was subsequently fined and suspended.

Please please don't go. Horses are such beautiful creatures. We don't deserve them. Racing is barbaric.

I don't think our objection to racing is about horses being whipped.

In WhatsApp you just say you can’t come. If she goes to a side-channel and asks for a reason, then you can tell her you don’t attend the races on principle, but you would love to meet up for <alternate activity> and suggest a date.

Don't worry OP, I'm sure your friend will be fine with you not going, if the alternative is you going and giving the dissaproving look / comments all day.