To think your 30s are the most knackering decade?

[TheyNicknamedHerTheBolter]

I'm 37 so am very happy to be told I'm wrong and that actually it gets worse.

I've just been chatting to a colleague who is 22 and lives at home. She went abroad with her friend for Xmas and told me how desperate she had been to get away and that the break or sleeping in, eating and drinking all day and resting on the beach did her the world of good. Now; that's lovely and I'm genuinely glad she enjoyed it but it did make me smile when she suggested I did the same next year.
My break would include taking 3 DC (one with autism) and a DH. There wouldn't be much sleeping on the beach.

Now I'm thinking about the juggling act of this life phase, kids, houses to run, full time employment, the mental load etc etc etc. I'm KNACKERED all of the time.

I know as my kids grow up (currently 4, 9 and 14) it may get even harder, but I do hope as I get older I can work a little less and have a bit more me time, until the needs of caring for parents kicks in, at least?

So please tell me, wise mumsnetters, is this the hardest slog or does it get more exhausting? Which decade have you found the hardest?

Sorry I think it gets harder OP.

Then factor in menopause, older teen/ young adult issues and ageing parents.

Sorry 40s for me - perimenopause, stroppy teenagers, daily grind.

loving my 50s though

It's lifestyle choices, not age. I'm childfree and life is peaceful and I have no obligations and about 2 appointments a year. I actively chose this, as I would not enjoy anything else.

Yeah I don’t think you can judge this when you’re only 38! There are decades beyond it, you know. I would say that it depends on the person, but I’d imagine that as a general rule the most exhausting decades are those in old age.

Anything before the menopause is a breeze

Nope, wish I could tell you otherwise though. Elderly parents with health problems, menopause, and teenage kids combine to make the 40s/50s a hell that only Satan's hairy red arse farting direct into your face could come close to.

sorry.

You wait

I raise you my 40s…

Elderly parents and PIL, peri-menopause, teenagers

I agree. And even people with multiple children are still allowed to go on holidays with a mate and sleep on the beach. My aunt has three kids, two with ASD and we are planning a trip just the two of us in March. It's your choice, OP, to take your entire family on holiday, it's not a requirement.

Mine definitely feel it and im only just in them at 31, just lots of health issues and cancer

My 30s were definitely more tiring than my 20s, but only because I actually had to adult. If I’d been parenting and getting up at 6am in my 20s, I would have been completely exhausted then. I’m afraid it hasn’t gotten better. For me, that’s because of illness (I have a chronic illness and also cancer) and work burnout, so my 40s have been much more challenging. But I definitely think if not for work and being ill, I’d actually feel a bit better now because I live a much healthier lifestyle overall now.

No. 40s. My bones and spirit are glue

Ha, I hadn’t even read the responses before I posted mine

I'm in 40s and did find my 30s with two non sleeping babies/toddlers more exhausting. I used to have a permanent headache after nights of being woken every 1-2 hours, which went on for years at a time. Yes years.

Teens, I was a stress head, very conscientious and worried about school.

Twenties, I had an extended student phase, crappy jobs, no responsibilities, fantastic social life, houseshared in a cheap area so had a reasonable disposable income that went on pubs, clubs and holidays.

Thirties, I started to focus more career-wise, more responsibilities, kids at 35 & 38.

Forties, I'm a single mum of 2, caring for parents in their 70s, juggling work, family and home. Perimenopausal, gained a huge amount of weight. No social life, no spare cash, buckets of responsibility on all fronts. Definitely hardest so far!

Depends what age you have your kids really. I 50 with a 9 and 14 year old and in perimenopause. So I'm most knackered....now 😬

Hmmm, in my case I think you are right OP. In my 30’s I got married, moved countries (twice), moved jobs, bought first home and had 4 babies back to back. I’m now early 40s and suddenly have breathing space again and have started properly travelling again but now with a crew of primary aged kids. Every year has gotten easier since rock bottom when baby 4 was born.

Parents and in-law parents are all still independent and well though. So that will inevitably change. And as teens problems may emerge but we’re doing everything now to avoid that with teaching the kids independence, accountability and resilience where possible. They’re going great so far🤞🏻

40's are like your 30's but add in peri/menopause - fun times!

I think it's probably better for your mental health if I don't respond I'm afraid.

Agree with pps. 40s is the toughest yet. Perimenopause , supporting teen through college/uni , ageing parents that need me more than ever. I've got lots of other serious pressures too , but I'm losing a lot of sleep due the above reasons. My 30s were much easier to navigate as I slept better and bounced back much quicker after physical set backs in general.

I've been a parent since I was 20 and coped really well with the sleepless nights and daily grind. Work and kids felt so easy back then. I wish I appreciated it at the time.

I’m in my late 30s, have two DC under 10 (including a small toddler) and juggling work / life definitely feels hard. To be honest I do think it’s to do with having kids!! If I look at my life in the round I’m doing pretty well but having two small dependants does make life exhausting. You are constantly juggling things and rarely putting yourself first. The mental load has felt incredibly heavy sometimes. I look back at my 20s and wonder what on earth I did with all that free time!

It's due to life events and choices re children, and health, and the support you have around you rather than age surely?
I have 2 young kids, husband that works away during the week, caring for a terminally ill parent, recently diagnosed with an inflammatory form of arthritis... I'd be tired with all of that in my 20s, 30s or 40s 🤣

30s... tired with 4 young kids but enough energy to get by.
40s.. four teens, one of whom was a nightmare... the mental exhaustion was something else.
50s.. getting a bit of life back, and oh, look, first Grandchild so I go part time to look after him early mornings, full days, late nights. And menopause. And parent starting to cause concern, and eldest child has a horrible divorce that we have to finance to keep her safe, and the terrible emotional toll it took on her, and as her Mum, me.
Nope 30s was a breeze.

Plus after 40 your body starts to creak. Unless you are very lucky things start to ache, teeth go downhill, joints start to inexplicably hurt. I'm reasonably slim and fit, in an active job, walk a dog, dig my allotment... and some days wake up wondering what the HELL happened?!

On the plus side I'm more ME than I have ever been. My flying fucks have all flown

Oh I see everyone has just said what i would have said anyway.

Couple menopause 40s/50s with a difficult teenager; and you would be begging to be back in your thirties with under 10s.

On every 'shall I have a baby at 40' threads I'm literally screaming 'it's not the baby at 40 that's the problem, it's the teenager at menopause' and the op never takes a blind bit of notice.

And I do agree with the poster above - solo/with friends holidays are available if you want to.