To think your 30s are the most knackering decade?

[TheyNicknamedHerTheBolter]

I'm 37 so am very happy to be told I'm wrong and that actually it gets worse.

I've just been chatting to a colleague who is 22 and lives at home. She went abroad with her friend for Xmas and told me how desperate she had been to get away and that the break or sleeping in, eating and drinking all day and resting on the beach did her the world of good. Now; that's lovely and I'm genuinely glad she enjoyed it but it did make me smile when she suggested I did the same next year.
My break would include taking 3 DC (one with autism) and a DH. There wouldn't be much sleeping on the beach.

Now I'm thinking about the juggling act of this life phase, kids, houses to run, full time employment, the mental load etc etc etc. I'm KNACKERED all of the time.

I know as my kids grow up (currently 4, 9 and 14) it may get even harder, but I do hope as I get older I can work a little less and have a bit more me time, until the needs of caring for parents kicks in, at least?

So please tell me, wise mumsnetters, is this the hardest slog or does it get more exhausting? Which decade have you found the hardest?

That is a wonderful post, thank you 🙏🏻 I suspected that was what would happen.

50s is a chance to keep yourself fit and well for old age if you can summon the necessary energy to do it! it is vital. Working with younger people can be invigorating intellectually, and I wonder if learning new skills also helps.

Maybe we stop taking good health and longevity for granted at this point, enhancing life experiences and perspective - dare I say it, wisdom too.

I would say due to bereavements, serious illness and other challenges I feel mentally much stronger than I did - much more capable and resilient. I have lost the easy confidence of youth that is prevalent in the 20s and 30s for a hard dose of realism and understanding. Compassion came soon after.

This thread smacks of parents saying positive things about their young children and miserable people weighing in with 'just you wait til X, X and X' – something more often than not heavily criticised.

I agree. It’s not particularly kind to smack people down by telling them that their life is bound to get worse. What a horrible thing to wish upon someone.

It’s reality not smacking people down. A reminder to make the most of things. It’s hardly breaking news that the menopause combined with teens and elderly parents is sometimes exhausting for most people. This is not a forum of toxic positivity but real life experiences! Sorry 🤷‍♀️

Yep I was knackered from 1st baby at 31 and then all through my thirties and into my 40s. I’m 43 now and enjoying a “slightly less exhausted” hiatus as kids are 11 and 8. Just waiting for peri to hit to fuck me up again.

just wait for the 40s !!!

🥴🤪🫡😥😵‍💫

Agree with the posts about being 60 plus. It is definitely the decade when it all seems that little more precarious and you realise how very precious life is and how much you value the health you're clinging on to. It can be tiring, with both grandchildren and very elderly parents to care for, plus work for many of us as state pensions don't kick in until 67, but for me at least, there's a definite feeling of appreciating that we haven't yet kicked the bucket!

I agree. I had a charmed life before I was hit with serious health issues in my 30s. It makes you appreciate things s lot more, and be more empathetic. Saying "It'll never happen to me" is ok, but i think probably people need to realistically think they could have some health problems at some point (unless you are my DM and seemingly get to late 70s with excellent genes and no serious issues at all!)

I agree. I wish I had known we were in the golden period of our earning potential late 30s/early 40s too. Saving much more money. The world is your oyster in many ways and it’s a sweet spot of having enough authority and expertise to make a difference, and still have some confidence that comes from being younger. It doesn’t last forever, and snuffs out overnight with any serious health issues.

I hope you are back on your feet now. I miss the energy I had when younger it felt limitless even if I was tired with very young dc. Good health makes such a difference

Thank you. Absolutely, health is wealth 🙏 I totally agree.

My health won't ever be the same as it was unfortunately 😕 I had a head injury and post concussion syndrome before being injured by psychotropic drugs that gave me a permanent neurological involuntary movement disorder called tardive dyskinesia 😢 If I'd known up to age 34 that it would go all terribly health'-wise after, I'd have been a lot more productive and proactive etc when it came to my career. I felt limitless too.

Nothing will make up for it now- not even a million quid- but it's not all bad. I have 3 beautiful DC and am very grateful for them.

Hope you are having a better time too.

Sorry no, the harder bit is when you have teens AND elderly relatives to take care of.

Other than that baby/toddler years. Bloody hated that.

You were very young to deal with a serious health issue like that. It sounds like you have adapted to life as it is now, and have many wonderful things in your life to enjoy. I am sorry the challenges came early for you, it can be lonely sometimes if others are completely healthy and can’t understand what it is like.

I have got to the point of being glad for any life that is relatively pain free and that’s good enough! The day is beautiful and we are all here to see it, that’s all we have any way. The moment we are in right now. Good luck and I hope the years ahead are much easier for you 🙏🏻

I don't think the decade matters. It's the stage of life you are at and in particular the age of your children, whether you are working or not and the age and health of your parents.

My 30s were fine. I had my children at 36 and 38. I worked part time after the first was born and then after the second stayed at home until she was 2. All very easy.

In my 40s I was having to juggle young children, work and especially in my late 40s, 3 sets of elderly parents/parents in law - all of whom lived at least 2.5 hours a way. (My parents were in their 30s when they had me and my parents in law were slightly older old when they had me

In your thirties you are unlikely to have to be worrying about the generation above.

With your kids ages it's tricky to tell. We had a period when the kids could play together, liked being with us, no nursery costs etc. About 10 years
But their mid/ late teens are rotten ( finally coming out of it) and elderly parents can be difficult
Eg we can go out and make plans but have to think of my dad...

Thank you, yes, i was extremely fit before and healthy, with no reason to worry. Admittedly, I'd been born 3 months prematurely and was a "fighter" from birth so maybe that explains my stoicism lol 😆

Others don't truly understand at all, I agree. I actually have had times when I genuinely hate my body - I literally lost control of it with the antipsychotic that injured me, and various parts of me have involuntary movements (tongue, mouth, face, etc plus limbs sometimes too). It's in remission now but at times, I've felt very "freak-like" and often screamed silently "why me?!" (Which i know doesn't help but makes me feel a bit better lol).

Perimenopause is actually now making me feel awful but I'm scared to try HRT in case it exacerbates my movement disorder symptoms, but i may give in after 5 years of Perimenopause symptoms being hellish so far... 😅

Anyway, life is precious, in spite of things. We are lucky to.even be born, I was lucky to survive birth. There by the grace of God go us all.

Thank you for your kind words they mean a lot 😊 ❤️

Every decade has its challenges . So many variables,age of children,their personalities, income,relationships, health etc .
Many posters mentioned menopause which for me personally wasn’t a problem.
There are different problems as you get into 50s/ 60s ,worrying about adult children,more aches and pains,elderly relatives etc

Ive actually loved my 30s! I got to a more senior role so money hasn't been an issue, bought lovely house, had fantastic kids. There were some tired bits when kids were tiny but most of that was when i was on mat leave & i loved being off work with the kids.

I can see 40s being hard though. I think i'll find teenagers harder with exam worries etc, I'm already struggling a lot with weight gain so i think perimenopause will be shit.

Hi op had my son at 29 was hard after episiotomy so yes 30s tiring. Now Im feeling jaded my mam 80s and quite needy. Im 51. Sometimes I think no its just more stress now. My kids grown now though. Aging parents a big one in our age group

Nothing really prepared me for the exhaustion of late teens going out combined with the menopausal wake ups. It is an actually far worse than the newborn stage at times. I am glad they are not stuck on screens 247 but goodness it’s exhausting supporting their social development, and I don’t have teens taking drugs, drinking dangerously or getting into trouble but I still worry so much when they are out! It’s a nightmare 😮‍💨🥱

50s for me. Menopause etc. Kids leaving home made it a bit easier. Still reasonably healthy, thankfully.

You and your younger friend are just two individuals. Not everyone lives life at the same pace. There are plenty of people in their twenties dealing with kids and working likewise there's plenty in their 30s and 40s living child free and constantly on holiday

Mmm I’m 45 and I’m sorry I also think it gets harder. But then you have more children than me and one with additional needs so who knows? It’s all relative really. My daughter is 10 and I work full time but that’s not really it although I do suspect parenting a teen will be a slog. Wait till they want to stay up later than you do and you’re lying awake waiting for them to come in and constantly worrying what they are getting up to. I’m dreading than. Even 10 year old hormones are starting to kick in. But really the biggest thing is worrying about ageing parents. Neither of mine is in great health. I think a lot of women in their 40’s and 50’s are parenting demanding teens as well as having a caring role for elderly parents and holding down a job.
But I’m not really into ‘oh my life is so much harder than yours’ because as I said it’s all relative and everyone’s struggles are uniquely their own no matter what age they are.

For me 38to 43 I seemed to be exhausted all the time. Constantly dashing, three kids, full time work with travel, husband working away. Then as the children became much more able to help me (once the youngest was in junior school) it was much more manageable and I started to enjoy life again. Don’t get me wrong, I loved having young children but some days I was so tired.
I found my 40s good, 50s fantastic and 60s are, so far, phenomenal!
I had no issues with peri menopause, late menopause at 60 was a breeze. I do seem to be more fortunate than most ladies, but also because I have a very busy life with people I need to care for I do invest in myself. I eat a very healthy diet, walk, swim, weight train and relax. My fortune maybe due to my lifestyle or maybe genetics.
I hope you find things improve, trust me, it can! Good luck through the tired stage!

For women. Not the majority of men

Sorry OP, 40s definitely more draining