To think your 30s are the most knackering decade?

[TheyNicknamedHerTheBolter]

I'm 37 so am very happy to be told I'm wrong and that actually it gets worse.

I've just been chatting to a colleague who is 22 and lives at home. She went abroad with her friend for Xmas and told me how desperate she had been to get away and that the break or sleeping in, eating and drinking all day and resting on the beach did her the world of good. Now; that's lovely and I'm genuinely glad she enjoyed it but it did make me smile when she suggested I did the same next year.
My break would include taking 3 DC (one with autism) and a DH. There wouldn't be much sleeping on the beach.

Now I'm thinking about the juggling act of this life phase, kids, houses to run, full time employment, the mental load etc etc etc. I'm KNACKERED all of the time.

I know as my kids grow up (currently 4, 9 and 14) it may get even harder, but I do hope as I get older I can work a little less and have a bit more me time, until the needs of caring for parents kicks in, at least?

So please tell me, wise mumsnetters, is this the hardest slog or does it get more exhausting? Which decade have you found the hardest?

It’s different for everyone. For many women it will be insomnia or waking up at 3am and then being unable to get back to sleep. For others it will be fatigue or joint pain. For me it is depression and anxiety- I would wake up in the mornings in immediate panic- awful awful sense of doom like the world was about to end. I also get angry a whole lot more than I used to. Not to the point of hurting anyone or anything but it’s an unpleasant emotion to live with- both for me and my family. HRT has helped a lot! And of course some women get minimal symptoms or none at all 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think my 40s were harder. Toddler and teens, would not recommend!

I'm in my 50s and it definitely gets worse 😂

I think 50s ....ageing parents/death of parent, all our children leaving home,perimenopause, grandparent duties ( I love them but it knackers me out) I'm working 4 days a week but am absolutely ready for retirement now but can't afford it.

The biggest change for me has been in the last 10 years tbh and I'd love to have as much energy as I had in my early 40s now.

For me it was 50s with the classic juggling of elderly parents, teenager and work whilst menopausal.

Surely it depends on what going on in your life.

I think having young kids, doing elder care or any caring at any age and own health play a huge role in how tried you get and what job/career you have. DH early years in current career were bloody hard then eased off considerably with periods intense periods now.

Everything for me about perimenopause seems taxing about it unfortunately (lucky me..!) 😔 😬😳😂 I seem to be someone whose PMT symptoms ramp up something rotten, migraines keep going from bad to worse, and I get new issues like gingivitis and awful sore and bleeding gums which is something I'd never had before perimenopause (and definitely indicates the protection that oestrogen and hormones give, and how oestrogen is present in some parts of the body that I never even considered - less of it makes my gums more sensitive to plaque, it seems 😬😫) .

I just think some poor sods get dealt a bad hand when it comes to menopause but i guess it could be said about anything. If you are absolutely lucky with no symptoms whatsoever, ENJOY! 😂😳

It depends on circumstances and life experience OP, and also someones resilience and coping skills. I think it’s a bit belittling to younger generations to basically say ‘you don’t know what tired is - wait till you get to your thirties’ if they say they need a break. No one knows anyone’s individual circumstances. Plus something to take into consideration is that you have less life experience in your 20s than in your 30s, so they might not have developed the skills to deal with things yet so smaller life events may be more stressful to them as it’s the first time they’ve had to deal with anything like that.

I'm in my early 40s.

My 30s were brilliant. I had young kids and an exciting career, and whilst it was hectic, I had the energy to supplement it.

I am increasingly aware that I am looking down the barrel of ageing parents, kids who are starting exams, and increasing work stress and pressures. Friends a few years older than me are also starting to develop life changing health conditions. I am still upbeat and have energy (not hit peri menopause yet), but I have a feeling I will need to buckle up for this decade.

Everyone mentions perimenopause and I agree but also as someone with endometriosis its not half as bad as my 20's/30's dealing with constant pain, multiple surgeries, pregnancy losses.

My hot flashes are bad and have made me vomit but still not as bad as when my endometriosis was unbearable.

Definitely gets worse in your 40s. I feel my health detoriated around peri menopause and I had way less energy than my 30s. I now look back and wondered how I achieved what I did. I think in your 40s you have also parented for many years and the mental load with teens is considerable.

I think it depends on your circumstances…. How old are your kids, do they require extra help, do parents need help, when do you start perimenopause, work, health…

Generally, the most relaxed people seem to be the ones who have retired early, have no financial or health issues, kids can look after themselves, partner and parents are well…

I think it depends on your life stage rather than your age e.g. when/if you have children! My mum who had 4 young children in her late twenties/ early thirties said she can remember being permanently exhausted at that age, and it was the hardest time for her. But it got better. I’m similar age to you with young children so yes exhausted. I hope it does get better!

Yes, I suppose this sort of resonates with me too. We had DC1 in our mid twenties, we are in our early 30s now and recently had our third baby. I don't particularly feel any more tired now than when we just had the one DC tbh. Also we are more financially comfortable and more secure now so that's taken away some of the stressors from that period. Don't get me wrong we aren't a high earning family at all and both of us work part time but when we had DC1 we were in a very precarious position and had to start claiming top up benefits.

I actually can anticipate things getting more difficult/tiring and less time for ourselves in say another decade when my DPs hit their 70s and may well start requiring some support from us, but we still have kids at home that also require a lot from us.

30s I was tired with small kids, work and lack of sleep

40s bloody menopause makes all my energy is zapped, teenage children to wrangle and elderly parents to cope with

OP, get yourself over on my Taylor Swift usernames thread, that'll make you feel young again 😆

For me, my 20's were the most tiring so far! My children are 13,12,10 and 9 so most of the slog was done in my 20s. I am 35 now.

I think it’s just circumstance dependent really isn’t it?

I didn’t have DC till 40, and I’m pretty shattered balancing that, house stuff and work now but I also changed my career once DC was born and what I do now is still challenging at times but nothing like as physically and mentally draining as what I was doing before. Plus I work from home now, which helps with the balance.

I was caring for (and then losing and grieving) a much loved parent in my 30s which was indeed pretty knackering.

PIL are older but don’t require much in the way of extra care or support yet, DH helps them with some stuff but the load is fairly light still - I don’t intend doing any more hands on caring for his parents as they age, though I will absolutely support DH to do so. I just feel I’ve done my share on that front, and I have a young DC to care for.

I feel less compulsion to keep up an active social life, or to do things I don’t particularly enjoy, than I did in my 30s so in that sense it’s less tiring now too. I still do the things I genuinely like.

Late 20's and 30's for me, when children were babies and toddlers. I found they got easier as they got older and less dependent, but I wasn't the kind of parent who became a taxi service. I was a working single parent from when children were very little. Only had one parent to look after for a while, and she died quite quickly when she became ill. All depends on circumstances OP.

Ah don't worry - you'll hit 40 get perimenopause and the brain fog and will just forget everything you need to do.

Also OP, I had no perimenopause or menopause symptoms so you might be lucky and be the same.

I forgot about my sore gums..

Oh dear child.

30's were exhausting from lack of sleep with young kids but I think you start feeling your age in your 40's and career stress, parents, peri, teenagers, relationships definitely take a combined toll on you. I used to be grateful for a spare hour to go to the gym now i don't have the energy for that let alone the time. But on the plus side older kids mean I have had a couple of weekends away with friends and even one with DH. And so perhaps the best description for 30s is relentless. 40s might be more tiring but there is a hint of things to come.

In my 60’s and feeling knackered lol 😂

My 30’s were easy. 🙄