To think your 30s are the most knackering decade?

[TheyNicknamedHerTheBolter]

I'm 37 so am very happy to be told I'm wrong and that actually it gets worse.

I've just been chatting to a colleague who is 22 and lives at home. She went abroad with her friend for Xmas and told me how desperate she had been to get away and that the break or sleeping in, eating and drinking all day and resting on the beach did her the world of good. Now; that's lovely and I'm genuinely glad she enjoyed it but it did make me smile when she suggested I did the same next year.
My break would include taking 3 DC (one with autism) and a DH. There wouldn't be much sleeping on the beach.

Now I'm thinking about the juggling act of this life phase, kids, houses to run, full time employment, the mental load etc etc etc. I'm KNACKERED all of the time.

I know as my kids grow up (currently 4, 9 and 14) it may get even harder, but I do hope as I get older I can work a little less and have a bit more me time, until the needs of caring for parents kicks in, at least?

So please tell me, wise mumsnetters, is this the hardest slog or does it get more exhausting? Which decade have you found the hardest?

My 30s have been good to me, so I'm wondering if it'll be my 40s that hit harder! My 20s were harder than this by far; I couldn't wait for them to be over by the time I reached 29. Felt like a never ending drag of stuff.

20s - loss of remaining parent, studying, establishing career, buying a house, having first baby which was a shock to the system. Got through that by the skin of my teeth and having a strong and equal marriage.

30s - settled and progressed to senior management in my career, second baby was much less of a shock and I handled it okay. There was a very traumatic incident early on, but that was a freak accident so I'm discounting that. Can't say it didn't have an impact, but we're all okay. Definitely not a regular part of just being in my 30s. Mortgage free, moving full time to Norway in a couple of years (which is exciting rather than scary). Kids are happy and healthy, same for me and DH.

On the whole, I'm surprised so far. Doesn't mean there's no room for things to go wrong, I'm only halfway through (35) and getting early peri symptoms as it runs in my family. So Christ knows. I'm just going to enjoy it while I can, and hope for the best!

For me...
Just so so tired - by about 5pm every day I'm absolutely done in. And that's when my teenager comes to life.
My hormones are all over the place, I go from 0-60 in seconds, hate someone one day, love them the next. So I can't even trust myself to think.

40s are more knackering. Perimenopause, health problems, and parents with health problems/ dementia.

In my 40s I've lost my dad, mum has cancer, have been through some tough times with DDs and the pandemic. However, nothing for me compares with my 30s and having small children while trying to do a professional job, becoming depressed, fat, and burnt out and having several cancer scares, thought I was having a heart attack, and developing endometriosis. I'm 49 now and have had no symptoms for ten years now, even coming into menopause, and I feel so much healthier and have so much more energy. It was nearly all caused by work stress. I feel so much more confident and resilient these days.

No oooo
40's was horrific - DH cancer for 2 years then widowed, 2 teen children + SEN & everything that entailed & got through that for peri-menopause to hit.
50's I'll let you know as only just got there 😬😬 but hopefully only a few more years of working & then I will just have my caring responsibilities for my child but I might also have caring responsibilities for my parents & my LH's parents so who knows

Brace yourself is all I'm going to say.

I’m late 40’s with 2 teens, life’s a breeze now compared to my 30’s and holidays are proper holidays. It definitely is easier, although it does get a lot more expensive and you will spend a lot of time playing taxi!

Ohhhh I'm so glad I asked.
Just off to brace myself for the next 50 years 🙈

So sorry to hear so many people are finding things hard ❤️

@Bettergetthebunker irregular and unpredictable periods (crime scene or no show for months) , erratic mood , brain fog , dry mouth , weight gain , feeling weak and achy certain weeks of the month , being unable to sleep even though physically and mentally exhausted etc. The worst symptom of all is the anxiety , I feel like an unpredictable teenager but with all of the responsibilities of a grown up.

I think it depends how old you were when you had kids and same for your parents. If you had your first child at 30 and your parents did too then hit 45 and the combination of a 15 year old, potentially a 12-13 year old too and aging parents in their mid-70's (ok, some might be very independent but others will need increasing amounts of support), and peri-menopause, plus being stuck in that "I'm sick of working but still a long way from retirement" era is definitely worse!! 10 years ago I had no worries about my parents, now one of them is a serious concern due to ill health which also makes me worry about the other one due to the strain of caring for them.

I found my 30s/early 40s harder than my 20s because I had young children. But I also worked part time and had support from my parents/ILs (and of course, DH) and it was OK really. Certainly not unmanageable.

Fast forward to now - two teen children - full time work - having to be an active carer (as in practical bum wiping and hair washing as well as emotional/practical support and help with finances, phone calls day and night) to parents and in laws and dealing with loss - menopausal -long term health conditions - no support outside of DH. I'm at breaking point with exhaustion tbh.

Honestly, my 30s were a breeze compared to this.

If it helps, I did have a good (albeit short) window when my children were upper primary/early secondary age, I still worked part time, I was still healthy and my parents and ILs didn't need much support.

I guess give it another 5 or 10 years and I'll have grown up children and most likely the caring needs of the older generation will be gone (sadly) and I might have a few more easy years? Although according to most on Mumsnet, I'll then need to juggle my full time job with providing unlimited childcare and doing chores and running errands for my then grown up children should they choose to have children of their own.

30s. Small children. Full time job in a place with huge internal regime change s and in the years when all the specs changed and all the work with them.

Mid 40s. Kids are teens and pretty much sort themselves. They help out more than they did as small children, obviously. Peri on the horizon, judging by periods, but nothing major yet. 40s have been the easiest so far, but could all go tits up.

Going against the grain here! My 30's was absolutely knackering and I have been loving my 40's (going to be 47 this year).

I'm the healthiest and fittest I've ever been, losing 5 stones during my 40's. I feel more confident at work and can focus more as I no longer have to do the school runs. Previously this meant taking a 'break' at 2.30pm and then logging on again 8pm (work is very flexible).

Yes parents are older and there are challenges but lucky to have siblings to share the load.

I have 2 girls aged 17 and 14 and honestly I love being with them! They are so much fun and bring so much humour to my days.

Not gloating here at all but just full of gratitude.

When I had small children I thought it was hard

When they got older AND I had elderly parents .....I realised how naive I'd been

40's for me, had my first child and started perimenopause and this decade is kicking my arse. I always think how much easier having kids would have been in my 30s

Hmmm not sure. Bit of a mixed bag for me.

Actual tiredness- probably when I had a baby and toddler when I was in my early 30s. I was so fecking tired cause I just didn't get enough sleep for years. And then my parents got ill and died and I felt even more tired. I'm in my late 40s now. I'm not particularly tired cause I can get as much sleep as I want. My parents are already gone so I don't have to look after elderly parents (although I do have ILs who are currently in reasonably good health). I have older teens so I spend a lot of time worrying, but as teens go they are pretty easy and lovely.

But health wise, the depletion of estrogen is really doing a number on me. My body feels great but my teeth are shot to shit and my mental health is poor. I am not loving my 40s at all. 😕

Depends on circumstance.
I'm 42 with 2 teenagers. My mum doesn't need any assistance yet. I love having teenagers. I don't have any known health issues yet and I'm not in Peri.
My 30's were really hard due to shift work and young children which was a massive struggle. I had no support, very little money and the children's dad is abusive.
It was my circumstances that made my 30's hard not my age.
It's still hard now as I have an intense job but the kids are a joy (they always were but it was incredibly stressful managing childcare around shifts). Now I just get home when I get home and as long as the teens are fed they are happy.
Just luck of the draw that I happen to have easy teens though.

What has made a difference for me is getting a lot fitter again in the last two years. I think, discounting obvious symptoms from low oestrogen, a lot of getting old/menopause stuff is actually lack of fitness, strength and flexibility. It's use it or lose it on that front. I still have weight to lose but am nowhere near my heaviest in 2016/2017, and think I'll lose the rest before I turn 50 this year. I'm not taking HRT or the pill at the moment as I want to know whether my periods have actually stopped before considering HRT, and am surprised how well I feel. Healthy eating and exercise helps so much. I've been doing yoga now for six or seven years and it has helped my mental resilience so much. Whatever is going on, I'm able to have peace of mind. Doesn't mean I'm zen all the time or never get angry, but it really helps.

I’m 37 and thinking the same as you OP and slightly alarmed by all the replies!

my kids are 9 and 12. I only have one parent and she is only 54 so I’m thinking dealing with elderly parents is hopefully a good while away! (Although DHs are late 60s). So I’ve been thinking my 40s will be a breeze compared to my 30s- no babies, toddlers, kids can walk themselves to and home from school, kids arrange own social life, kids lie in in the morning etc. forgot about peri though

I am in my 4's and 30's with young kids were way worse!

No, late 40s/ early 50s is worse. Teens/ young adults plus elderly needy parents, plus peri/ meno.

Enjoy your balmy 30s!

Yikes I think 40s are way worse.

Teenagers, perimenopause, harder work more responsibility aging parents and financial pressures to "save" all of a sudden you switch from survival of the "now" to the shit I haven't saved enough for retirement, that happens about 47.

I'm 50 in a few months and can finally see a glimmer of hope. If I can dodge any major health issues I will embrace my 50s, I feel privileged to be this old tbh!

I think all decades are pretty exhausting tbh! In your 20s, uni is okay because you get long holidays, but once you leave you're working long hours to establish yourself in your career and you may possibly start having DC. 30s you're juggling work with having babies, sleepless nights, childhood illnesses, etc. 40s is more of the same, but your DPs are probably now starting to get elderly and need more help and support. 50s you may well still be raising kids, dealing with teens, elderly parents, working and you're starting to feel knackered and burnt out from working for 30 years. I don't really know many people in their 60s, so maybe that's when it gets a bit easier? Probably not though if you're still working FT. I guess your kids should've left home by then, at least!

Tells us again when you’ve been through all the other decades

I’m not sure about this working a little less. Now my children are teenagers I’m working harder than I have ever done to provide for them, also stuff like pay more in to my pension and looking at how I’m going to ever pay my mortgage off. In my 30s I one mobile phone bill to pay for, now I pay three mobile phone bills 😬

On the upside my children are more independent and my career is in the best place it’s ever been.