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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?

265 replies

DeliciousDonuts · 08/01/2025 14:27

For context, we are both 23 years old, and this is my first ever serious relationship. I will be honest, I am a bit naive when it comes to romantic relationships, I’ve never really had the chance to date much and I don’t know what a “good” partner/guy looks like? If that makes any sense? My Dad is a pile of dirt who cheats like no tomorrow, and the few friends I’ve got, have gotten unlucky with men of our age so far.

I’ll just cut straight to the chase, my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon that he sleeps with every night that I am not there. Its like one of those serpent dragons that you’d see in Chinese or Japanese folklore. He hugs it, works on it to add details, hand washes it etc.

I’m just really struggling to understand why a 23-year old guy would need this? Its not like this stuffed animal is a childhood toy either, he literally builds a new one every year just “for the fun of it”.

It makes even less sense, because he just seems so… “normal” otherwise? He’s not coping with trauma, his family is so loving, he’s emotionally intelligent, very confident in his own skin (to the point of openly discussing the damn thing with his friends on occasion.)

Am I just… overthinking things here? Trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t anything wrong at all? My gut tells me there is something wrong about this situation, but I’d really appreciate some other perspectives on this.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he's been an amazing first boyfriend (especially looks wise, he’s like an asian Robert Pattinson.) But I cannot ignore my feelings about his stuffed animal, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s adamant about having one for the foreseeable future.

As I said before, I’m not very experienced in dating or men, and would appreciate any perspectives you can all give on the matter. Am I being reasonable in considering breaking up? Is it a bit of a mixed bag? Perhaps not?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
7
Idontjetwashthefucker · 08/01/2025 22:49

OP hasn't been back then...weird.

PS how do you build a soft toy?

Onelifeonly · 08/01/2025 22:56

You don't sound like a real person OP, but maybe because this is a wind up. If you loved him as you say you do, you'd think it was a cute idiosyncrasy. If he took it with him everywhere, I could understand your reservations but to have in bed at home??

TheoriginalMrsDarcy · 08/01/2025 22:59

I'd rather he slept with a stuffed dragon than cheating on me with a real person.

Other than sleeping with the stuffed dragon, he seems to have lots of other excellent qualities. No chance would my husband get up at that time to take me to work. He's say drive yourself or take a taxi.

If he's got no other unusual qualities, he could be a keeper. Trust me, the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

vodkaredbullgirl · 08/01/2025 23:29
Ariana Grande Singing GIF by The Voice

The OP dump and run dump and run 😆

Original poster
DeliciousDonuts · 09/01/2025 00:18

Hi all! Thank you for your honest opinions about the matter. Sorry I didn't get back to you all sooner, I've never posted on Mumsnet before, and didn't know it was this active. I genuinely didn't expect more than like 10-15 replies at best, but goodness over 200 now!?

I've read all of your comments thus far, and now I just feel incredibly horrible about myself. I really thought the consensus would be in my favour, as I really think the stuffed animal is a childish thing that a grown adult shouldn't have. I'd be lying to you all if I said otherwise, this is just how I feel.

The fact that the results of the poll are 90%??? Is really rattling my cage. I didn't expect almost everyone to call me out for being inconsiderate/unreasonable. I really, really thought everyone was going to agree with me on this.

Don't ask me why I thought this... I really couldn't give you a good answer other than just men shouldn't. I know that's probably going to get me flamed, I know it's not the best reason, but I am trying to be as honest as I can be here.

A common question appears to be the size of it, it's not a thick stuffed animal, it's just long. Like a snake. It wraps around him in bed. The head usually rests next to his, while the body of it just encircles his frame head to toe (he's 5'11 for reference.)

I'm sorry if most of this post comes across as a vent (it kinda is...) I cannot express how ashamed I feel getting this metaphorical kick in the butt from 90% of you. Thanks all for giving me a bit of a reality check, it's going to be hard for me to just suddenly ignore or accept the stuffed animal, but ill try.

OP posts:
TunipTheVegimal24 · 09/01/2025 00:35

You don't need to feel upset OP - you haven't done anything unkind or upsetting! You've just asked a question. Nothing wrong with that, and if you're unsure about something then actually it's better to sound it out, rather than potentially ignore something.

Also, even if 90% of people would be fine with the dragon (myself included), it's still perfectly fine if you aren't. You don't have to stay with him if this gives you the ick, just because others would, if you did decide not to. Don't be hard on yourself x

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/01/2025 00:42

Well done for coming back @DeliciousDonuts

So he only sleeps with it when you aren't there ?

Solution

Move in together

As quite frankly he sounds perfect

Thegoatliesdownonbroadway · 09/01/2025 00:42

I have got a toy rat, who I call Ratmaninov

SnowFrogJelly · 09/01/2025 00:55

🤭

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/01/2025 01:01

TunipTheVegimal24 · 09/01/2025 00:35

You don't need to feel upset OP - you haven't done anything unkind or upsetting! You've just asked a question. Nothing wrong with that, and if you're unsure about something then actually it's better to sound it out, rather than potentially ignore something.

Also, even if 90% of people would be fine with the dragon (myself included), it's still perfectly fine if you aren't. You don't have to stay with him if this gives you the ick, just because others would, if you did decide not to. Don't be hard on yourself x

This OP.

It's all good. You can do whatever.

But do look at the 'men shouldn't' thing. Often the things we are told should be attractive in men, are not pro-social and fun to be around one term!

JustSawJohnny · 09/01/2025 01:01

DeliciousDonuts · 09/01/2025 00:18

Hi all! Thank you for your honest opinions about the matter. Sorry I didn't get back to you all sooner, I've never posted on Mumsnet before, and didn't know it was this active. I genuinely didn't expect more than like 10-15 replies at best, but goodness over 200 now!?

I've read all of your comments thus far, and now I just feel incredibly horrible about myself. I really thought the consensus would be in my favour, as I really think the stuffed animal is a childish thing that a grown adult shouldn't have. I'd be lying to you all if I said otherwise, this is just how I feel.

The fact that the results of the poll are 90%??? Is really rattling my cage. I didn't expect almost everyone to call me out for being inconsiderate/unreasonable. I really, really thought everyone was going to agree with me on this.

Don't ask me why I thought this... I really couldn't give you a good answer other than just men shouldn't. I know that's probably going to get me flamed, I know it's not the best reason, but I am trying to be as honest as I can be here.

A common question appears to be the size of it, it's not a thick stuffed animal, it's just long. Like a snake. It wraps around him in bed. The head usually rests next to his, while the body of it just encircles his frame head to toe (he's 5'11 for reference.)

I'm sorry if most of this post comes across as a vent (it kinda is...) I cannot express how ashamed I feel getting this metaphorical kick in the butt from 90% of you. Thanks all for giving me a bit of a reality check, it's going to be hard for me to just suddenly ignore or accept the stuffed animal, but ill try.

Don't beat yourself up. Mumsnet is fantastic for head wobbles but nobody wants you to feel bad.

It's good that you are hearing the message, not being defensive and accepting that you got it wrong. A lot of people who are in decades long relationships can't , or won't, do that.

A little conversation and compromise might help you to get past this, I think. It's OK to be honest that the snake thing creeps you out. He probably secretly hates the fact that you chew your hair or pick your nails or talk too much when you're tired or something. It's good to get that stuff out or it can fester.

bridgetreilly · 09/01/2025 01:06

I think he sounds adorable.

TheyCantBurnUsAll · 09/01/2025 01:33

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/01/2025 14:43

You can dump someone for any reason at all. You are allowed in all circumstances. People, particularly women are told to give a reason. Nope. The reason can be, 'I don't like your face' if you want. Two people start a relationship, one person leaves. You don't need the other person to agree you're allowed.

However, He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Good luck if you think most men are emotionally intelligent, confident and will get up at 4.30am to drive you to work when they don't have to. He sounds like a gem. He may not be the gem for you, and that's OK, but his dragon is fine.

^ this.

You can leave a relationship for whatever reason and not have to justify it.

Personally if that was the only thing about an otherwise good man I would get over it. You said yourself your friends have had bad experiences. There are a lot of shit men out there!

But there are other good men out there who don't sleep with massive dragons maybe he's just not right for you

NattyTurtle59 · 09/01/2025 03:20

I'm 65 and I sleep with a (small) Barney, and have done so for around 18 years. It belonged to my last dog and has the top of his head missing (chewed off by said dog). Honestly OP, there are a lot worse things your partner could be doing, and he actually sounds lovely.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/01/2025 03:25

I want the dragon.....

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/01/2025 03:27

Is there any chance he is autistic and its a sensory thing to have this wrapped around him, making him feel more secure? Like how hugs can calm because of the pressure.
He may of course just find it comfortable.

Busbygirl · 09/01/2025 03:30

Yawn.Total fiction. Photo?

DontCryForMeArgentuna · 09/01/2025 03:36

No thanks.

Tryinghardtobefair · 09/01/2025 03:37

You're not wrong. You can't help how you feel about this.

But if this is your first serious relationship, you should check out the relationships sub or just search for AIBUs about husband's. It'll help give you some perspective of now some men behave and show you that a cuddly dragon is really unproblematic in the scheme of things

AmusedGoose · 09/01/2025 04:42

80 % rule. If a relationship is 80% good its good enough. Having said that you are young so maybe you should end it and find someone else.

Youngheartsalittletogetherness · 09/01/2025 04:46

PercyFone · 08/01/2025 14:32

Are you sure it's a 20ft dragon?

That sounds rather extreme...

That's the length of a room 🤣🤣🦖

ThinWomansBrain · 09/01/2025 04:54

well if he is spending time at home enhancing the dragon or making a new one, he won't be off cheating,,,

the dragon might think otherwise

KimberleyClark · 09/01/2025 05:48

Break up with him - you are looking for reasons to dump him. You refer to him as ‘been an amazing first boyfriend’ - you make it sound like he’s your training wheels boyfriend before the real deal comes along.

A starter boyfriend! 😆

Let’s hear it for men with unusual but innocuous and harmless hobbies.

Threewheeler1 · 09/01/2025 06:44

Thegoatliesdownonbroadway · 09/01/2025 00:42

I have got a toy rat, who I call Ratmaninov

I like it.

(also, nice user name - if it's what I think it is and a play on one of my favourite albums ever 😁)

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 09/01/2025 06:49

Me and my husband both sleep with a teddy/stuffed toy. Probably unusual but we like it so why not