AIBU – For wanting to break up with my 23 year old partner because he sleeps with a stuffed animal?

[DeliciousDonuts]

For context, we are both 23 years old, and this is my first ever serious relationship. I will be honest, I am a bit naive when it comes to romantic relationships, I’ve never really had the chance to date much and I don’t know what a “good” partner/guy looks like? If that makes any sense? My Dad is a pile of dirt who cheats like no tomorrow, and the few friends I’ve got, have gotten unlucky with men of our age so far.

I’ll just cut straight to the chase, my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon that he sleeps with every night that I am not there. Its like one of those serpent dragons that you’d see in Chinese or Japanese folklore. He hugs it, works on it to add details, hand washes it etc.

I’m just really struggling to understand why a 23-year old guy would need this? Its not like this stuffed animal is a childhood toy either, he literally builds a new one every year just “for the fun of it”.

It makes even less sense, because he just seems so… “normal” otherwise? He’s not coping with trauma, his family is so loving, he’s emotionally intelligent, very confident in his own skin (to the point of openly discussing the damn thing with his friends on occasion.)

Am I just… overthinking things here? Trying to find something wrong with him when there isn’t anything wrong at all? My gut tells me there is something wrong about this situation, but I’d really appreciate some other perspectives on this.

I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though. He drives me to work at 5-6am most days even though he starts at 9am. Prioritises spending time with me above his friends, wants to play and watch games/shows that I like (even though I know he hates them), listens to me, holds hands etc. Things I’d expect most men to do regardless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do love him, he's been an amazing first boyfriend (especially looks wise, he’s like an asian Robert Pattinson.) But I cannot ignore my feelings about his stuffed animal, I would be lying if I said it didn’t bother me at all. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but he’s adamant about having one for the foreseeable future.

As I said before, I’m not very experienced in dating or men, and would appreciate any perspectives you can all give on the matter. Am I being reasonable in considering breaking up? Is it a bit of a mixed bag? Perhaps not?

If my partner had a 20ft dragon, he would also have a 20ft dragon with a wide range of crocheted hats, slippers, personalised t shirts etc. If you don't want him OP, chuck him back for someone else.

Personally, I rather like him for it.

Ha ha, my special teddy was found by DH early on.
Now, he’s quite fond of him too & will have a cuddle.

I mean, everyone has their quirks. If that is literally the worst thing about him you are doing OK. Wouldn’t be a deal breaker for me unless you were being asked to formally address it and he talked to it as if it were human. Then maybe he needed a bit of help. Otherwise I suggest just gradually pushing the thing out the bed and eventually out the window?

the question is if you have him the ultimatum, you or the stuffed toy, which would he pick?!

I can't believe people think this is real. Flags everywhere.

What brought you to Mumsnet to discuss this, as a 23 year old presumably with mates of a similar age, when you’ve not posted before?

asking for a friend.

Of course it's not real 😆

I hate posters who give us a tantalising picture of something that could be interesting but then refuse to back it up. This poster has been asked several times for a photo but she doesn’t post one. To my mind, she is just a time waster, who is now sitting there laughing at us all for our gullability. I wish she would grow up!

Break up with him - you are looking for reasons to dump him. You refer to him as ‘been an amazing first boyfriend’ - you make it sound like he’s your training wheels boyfriend before the real deal comes along.

From what you’ve said he is confident, kind, from a loving family and emotionally intelligent.
You have a terrible father and your friends have had terrible relationships. Being with someone like your boyfriend is likely triggering all sorts in your subconscious so you don’t feel comfortable around him, and are looking for a reason to nit pick and move on.

And you are entitled to do that. Despite his good qualities he clearly isn’t someone you are madly in love with. You list out what he does for you and consider it ‘what men should do regardless’. No mention of what you bring to the table. And if you think what he does for you is the basic level you can expect from men in general - yes you are very naive, sadly.

But that’s no reason to stay with someone. Break up. Look at what issues are coming up for you and find someone you love quirks and all.

😆

I'm 62 and I have a blue rabbit that Father Christmas brought me when I was eight.

I wondered that too.

DON'T RUIN THIS FOR US.

my current boyfriend has this massive 15 (20?) foot long stuffed dragon

1. Do you actually understand how long 15 feet is? Or 20 feet? That is about 4.5 to 6 metres. A normal UK bed is about 190cm long - ie. less than two metres or 2m at most. You are describing something that is about 3 times longer than a normal bed. You are describing something that is longer than two men who are 6 feet tall lying end to end.
2. Not be be imperialist, but if you are 23 why are you referring to length in feet rather than metres?

If that’s your only issue with him then you’re doing quite well!

I smell some merde de taureau.

I don't think a 23 year old uses feet as a measurement.

This must be a mistake. I can't believe it's over three times longer than a 6ft man!

He sounds creative and quirky, and it's good he has a hobby. I like those qualities, so it wouldn't put me off him.

I suppose there's an outside chance he might have some sort of dragon fetish, but even if he does, there are worse things.

The measurement in feet is actually the least suspicious part of the story, in my view - most people measure human height in feet and the only reference OP has for length is her boyfriend cuddling it.

However, that leaves a lot of questions about the practicalities of storing both the current bed dragon (who is surely longer than the average UK bedroom is wide), and the previous years of discarded dragons.

Actually, that rings a bell.

I'm sure I saw the chap at an airport some time ago - with a dragon or something.

I think that I've got a photo somewhere...

YES! found it.

"I do want to point out that he’s not without redeeming qualities though"

"Dear Mumsnet, should I bin off my girlfriend?

Despite me being kind and attentive, she is prone to (extreme) exaggeration and does not seem to know the difference between cm, metres and feet.

I do want to point out that she is not without redeeming qualities though, but I am concerned that her utter unfamiliarity with the metric system is a red 🚩."

You can break up with someone for literally any reason you like, so you're not being unreasonable. Personally that would not give me the ick - he sounds like a legend, actually. He's kind and loving to you, and is comfortable with who he is.

Nothing wrong with a hug pillow, whatever it looks like.

He doesn't even use it when you're there.

All a bit controlling from you to want to have a say in how he sleeps in your absence, really.

The bloke literally gets up hours earlier than necessary every day purely for your benefit and here you are whining about something so ridiculous and considering dumping him?!

I take it you're just a perfect catch?

Honestly I don't see the issue

He sleep with it when you aren't there

So assuming doesn't when you stay

Also how does he build a new one ?

Is it made out of tights stuffed with pillows ?

What happens to the old one/s?