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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed by neighbours behaviour

178 replies

Sadaboutneighbours · 07/01/2025 19:32

So might get flamed but hear me out! Name changed as potentially outing.

We have lived next door to a couple for 8 years. They have two children aged 12 and 2 and are in their late 40s (just trying to create a picture here!) We've never had any problems with them whatsoever. Not friends but regular polite chats over the fence etc and would always say hello on a morning.

They sometimes take parcels in for us (not usually a regular thing as our stated preference is to leave in a safe place). In the lead up to Christmas they had taken a couple for us (obviously we were ordering more than usual at this point) and my partner apologised for this and said 'you're like a sorting office for us I'm really sorry!' The guy was like 'absolutely no problem at all don't worry about it!'

So, then a week or so before Christmas Amazon left a parcel of ours at their house one morning. We knocked on their door a couple of times in the afternoon (it was an emergency order of something I needed that night) and even though they were in they didn't answer. I tried one last time at 7.30pm and they didn't answer so I left it there for the night.

The next day the guy came round with our parcel. He banged on our door and my partner answered. The guy said in a really aggressive way 'when you came round last night you woke up our poorly two year old so can you please take us off your preference list'. My partner apologised but by that point he'd already turned his back and was storming off!

Unfortunately despite us changing our preferences Amazon tried to deliver a package to them afew days later (even though we were in!) and they refused it which is fair enough BUT he has not spoken to us since!!!!! No hello on a morning, doesn't even look up etc.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

So, AIBU for being sad that it's come to this after 8 years of having no problems, it all of a sudden feels like we've got a big problem over something that I feel is an innocent mistake!?!? I've no problem with them not accepting parcels for us but to ignore us like this seems ridiculous!

And what would you do moving forward!?

Thanks hive mind x

OP posts:
TucanPlay · 07/01/2025 19:37

Present and an apology, tell them you have changed preferences with Amazon, hope we can put this behind us as we have always valued you as neighbours. Kill them with kindness and don't let it get to you if it doesn't work! You have done your best.
You weren't to know the little one was poorly but I'd probably have taken the hint if they were in but didn't answer rather than go back again.

TucanPlay · 07/01/2025 19:38

Maybe don't order the present to be delivered though...

LizzoBennett · 07/01/2025 19:41

I think your neighbour was probably snappy and exhausted after a difficult night with a poorly child and it made them overreact. They are probably a bit embarrassed but stubborn and have decided to stick to their guns as it was annoying to take in your parcels. As you weren't friends anyway, it is unlikely to feel like a loss to them. I wouldn't have knocked at 7.30pm if I knew the person had a 2 year old. It's not their problem that you had an urgent parcel delivered to them.

NimmyB · 07/01/2025 19:41

How many parcels on average a year have they taken in for you?

It can be really infuriating when you're constantly interrupted by deliveries that are not yours, and I don't even have kids.

If your car was skidding all over the place and you needed pushing into the road then it sounds like it was too dangerous to be driving.

Comedycook · 07/01/2025 19:41

I wouldn't buy them a present!

Wait a while then drop a note through the door saying you are sorry for waking their child, obviously you wouldn't have knocked if you'd known. Reassure them that your preferences are set to leave parcels elsewhere and tell them you are fine for them to refuse them if any slip through the net.

Then forget about it

NimmyB · 07/01/2025 19:42

And yes, not great to be repeatedly knocking after 7pm if you know they have a child young enough to be in bed by that time.

LaDeeDaDeeDa · 07/01/2025 19:42

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OurDreamLife · 07/01/2025 19:43

Have your Amazon delivered to an Amazon drop box of you know you won’t be home.

Original poster
Sadaboutneighbours · 07/01/2025 19:44

Thanks everyone who has commented-lots of helpful thoughts.

@NimmyB literally they must have taken in 5 parcels for us in 2024 and it was just that 3 of them were in December x

OP posts:
Original poster
Sadaboutneighbours · 07/01/2025 19:46

@NimmyB I knocked for the parcel 3 times. I think once at 3, once at around 5 then at 7.30 x

OP posts:
BenditlikeBridget · 07/01/2025 20:03

They sound a bit overdramatic, but so do you tbh, with the six year old who’s terrified of snow.

I’d leave a bottle of wine and a note on their doorstep. Always better to be on good terms with neighbours.

ThatMrsM · 07/01/2025 20:03

I would write a note apologizing for waking up his child. Knocking 3 times over a few hours is too much, especially at 7.30 when you would expect a 2 year old to be going to bed. Obviously I don't agree with him speaking aggressively but also don't blame him for being really annoyed with you.

AffIt · 07/01/2025 20:07

Knocking three times in one day is excessive, especially if you knew they were in: presumably they had a reason for not answering the first two times (as you've duly found out, a sick child).

As per PPs' suggestions, a bottle of wine or similar on the doorstep with a sincere apology is a good first step.

DaftyLass · 07/01/2025 20:11

The parcel thing is separate from the driveway thing, I'd think
He probably saw your dp helping you and didn't think you need a third person involved

Bottomofthecrispbag · 07/01/2025 20:14

He probably feels like you’re relying on them too much to help and he doesn’t want the expectation on his shoulders.
I once had a neighbour knock at 10pm for a parcel and woke my children, that was the start of the anger.
Pop a note through apologise and wish the toddler better then move on.
If they hold a grudge over it then they’re the idiots.

macap · 07/01/2025 20:14

If they don't want people knocking for a package then they should not have accepted it.

You can refuse.

BrightSnail · 07/01/2025 20:17

I think if I knocked once and they didn't answer even though they were in I would assume something far more important was afoot and leave it till the next day to knock again.

To get yet another attempted delivery for you even after asking you not to use them as a delivery point must have made them feel like you were taking the merry piss. I know it wasn't deliberate, but they don't know that. If I were in neighbour's position, knowing only what he knows, I wouldn't be going out of my way to help you either.

I don't think you have a right to be 'disappointed by his behaviour', but I also think it would be a shame for the fall out to be permanent. I don't think there needs to be any grovelling, but a little card through the door by way of apology might be nice. Of course, if that's not enough for them then what can you do? At least then you'll know you've been the bigger party.

Floranan · 07/01/2025 20:17

If I’ve learnt anything in the last 60 years, it’s simply that you don’t know what goes on in other peoples lives. He had a poorly 2 year old, for all you know his wife had just snapped at him or the other child was playing up a number of things, and he took it out one you.

I would buy a bottle of wine and some sweets or something for the children- go round, apologise for the inconvenience and reiterate how grateful you are for taking things in for you.

its best to nip these things in the bud. Don’t let it fester

JC03745 · 07/01/2025 20:22

It might only be 5 parcels in the year, but for all your know, they might have found this inconvenient and annoying, but have put up with it to be neighbourly. It sounds like this was the last straw OP.

I WFH, and as soon as I log off, the bra comes off, I shower and get into comfy clothes. Especially in Dec when its dark at 4pm- I don't expect someone to repeatedly be ringing my door bell at night! If you had an emergency delivery- why wasn't it delivered to your work or friend if it was so important?

I've taken in parcels for neighbours and usually end up taking it to them when I know they are home. I hate having to wait, fully dressed to see if/when they will show up at the door! I've got other things to do!

he didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel Why don't you have your own shovel??? Why should he help or lend you his shovel when he was clearing his own car? What business is it of yours that he cleared his car of ice? he works from home so not sure why WTF!

I assume you are capable adults- although the skidding all over the road, screaming 6yr old, knocking 3x in the 1 day and wondering why your neighbour should be de-icing his own car makes me wonder if you are un-hinged?

Eastie77Returns · 07/01/2025 20:25

Not the point of the thread but why was your 6 year old crying?

LaDeeDaDeeDa · 07/01/2025 20:26

Sadaboutneighbours · 07/01/2025 19:44

Thanks everyone who has commented-lots of helpful thoughts.

@NimmyB literally they must have taken in 5 parcels for us in 2024 and it was just that 3 of them were in December x

That's five parcels too many.

They should have refused.

SquawkerTexasRanger · 07/01/2025 20:27

If I had a sick two year old and my neighbour that knows the age of my child was hammering on my door at what’s likely to be their bedtime I would be raging too

MiraculousLadybug · 07/01/2025 20:27

It sounds from what your partner said last time like you both know you're taking the piss with the parcels and still somehow getting parcels delivered to them.
If you're not going to be in, get it delivered to an Amazon locker or a Post Office or similar. Knocking at 7:30 when you know they have a 2 year old is very misjudged. It's blindingly obvious they'll be doing bedtime or the toddler will have just gone down to sleep. This just sounds like the last in a long line of straws.

LaDeeDaDeeDa · 07/01/2025 20:28

Sadaboutneighbours · 07/01/2025 19:46

@NimmyB I knocked for the parcel 3 times. I think once at 3, once at around 5 then at 7.30 x

After the first knock you should have quietly posted a note through the door rather than returning twice more to knock.

If it was obvious they were in but not answering then it was clear they didn't want to be disturbed.

cansu · 07/01/2025 20:32

They sound hard work. How long does it take to open the door? Or to pop round? I would ignore them - he sounds ridiculous.