To be disappointed by neighbours behaviour

[Sadaboutneighbours]

So might get flamed but hear me out! Name changed as potentially outing.

We have lived next door to a couple for 8 years. They have two children aged 12 and 2 and are in their late 40s (just trying to create a picture here!) We've never had any problems with them whatsoever. Not friends but regular polite chats over the fence etc and would always say hello on a morning.

They sometimes take parcels in for us (not usually a regular thing as our stated preference is to leave in a safe place). In the lead up to Christmas they had taken a couple for us (obviously we were ordering more than usual at this point) and my partner apologised for this and said 'you're like a sorting office for us I'm really sorry!' The guy was like 'absolutely no problem at all don't worry about it!'

So, then a week or so before Christmas Amazon left a parcel of ours at their house one morning. We knocked on their door a couple of times in the afternoon (it was an emergency order of something I needed that night) and even though they were in they didn't answer. I tried one last time at 7.30pm and they didn't answer so I left it there for the night.

The next day the guy came round with our parcel. He banged on our door and my partner answered. The guy said in a really aggressive way 'when you came round last night you woke up our poorly two year old so can you please take us off your preference list'. My partner apologised but by that point he'd already turned his back and was storming off!

Unfortunately despite us changing our preferences Amazon tried to deliver a package to them afew days later (even though we were in!) and they refused it which is fair enough BUT he has not spoken to us since!!!!! No hello on a morning, doesn't even look up etc.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

So, AIBU for being sad that it's come to this after 8 years of having no problems, it all of a sudden feels like we've got a big problem over something that I feel is an innocent mistake!?!? I've no problem with them not accepting parcels for us but to ignore us like this seems ridiculous!

And what would you do moving forward!?

Thanks hive mind x

I think 7.30 in the evening is still early tbh and I don't think you were wrong for knocking (as long as it wasn't banging). 2 year olds go to bed early but life in general is still carrying on then. Children might still be playing outside, people could be having barbeques, dogs barking, young teens could be calling each other on the street etc. His own phone might ring! I think it's wrong of him to blame you for his toddler waking up and also his anger about that (or whatever else it is he's angry about because I doubt it's the parcel issue).

I am wondering why your 6 year old was crying and frightened when you were trying to get off the drive? Did they feel you were not competent to drive? I know it was icy etc but a driver has to be competent and make their passengers feel comfortable, especially if they are children. Understandable you may have needed a bit of help from your husband but there should be no reason for another man to step in and help because you should be competent. Your comment that you don't know why he was clearing his car of ice when he works from home, isn't that really his business? Maybe you felt he just came out to watch you struggling, but you don't know for sure and he has every right to be on his drive and scraping ice at any time he wants. He might have had to go out that morning.

Not having a go here. It might also be possible he's not a nice person and as soon as your partner made the comment that it's as if they are a sorting office, he took that as an insult and wants to assert dominance (instead of realising your partner was trying to be nice). He might not be very good at being assertive so instead of telling your partner at the time that he'd rather it didn't happen too often, he just said it's ok, but then stewed on it. You got that. Maybe he thought your partner was taking the p*ss when he said that, though from what you said it doesn't sound like he was.

I wouldn't do anything now. I thought I'd agree with the others about sending a note, but you and your partner haven't really been nasty in any way so I'd let him come to you (and if he does I'd still keep a distance going forward). You and your partner may be the type of people that will do anything for others and so think they will do the same, but not everyone is like that or wants to. Some take pleasure in watching other people's discomfort! Not saying he does but you don't know, it wouldn't have took much to open the door. Just let it be a lesson. Get your own shovel and be independent of him, it's on him to do the work to recover this situation. There may be much deeper problems going on if he misread your partner's comment and the anger about the toddler waking up. Why has he got a shovel? I'd watch him lol (joking)

Hope he just refuses to accept the parcels from now on. Easier all round. This really is beginning to sound like a lot of hard work just to do someone a favour.

"I don't really understand this. Me and DH managed to raise our kids while still being able to answer the door if they were sick or in bed. It would have taken seconds to give OP her parcel."

@rightinthedavinamccalls

This. I find it bizarre that anyone on this thread is siding with the neighbour or saying that someone shouldn't expect a door knock at 7.30. 7.30 is a perfectly normal time to knock at someone's door, 2 year old or not.

The OP has not done anything wrong here. The neighbour is being weird and unneighbourly.

I think it’s a complete overreaction from him, and knocking on the door at 7:30 is hardly a mortal crime. I’m surprised so many seem to think it is so late! But regardless, I agree with the suggestion of a gift and apology card because it’s so much better to have good relations with him.

I had a situation with an elderly neighbour several years ago. I ordered parcels and always did so on the understanding that it would be at a date and time that either I would be in or my husband would be in. My neighbour took a couple of parcels in which I was grateful for but didn't expect her to do - it was just typical that the couriers botched up arrangements. But the courier guy was rather unprofessional and said to me on my doorstep that the woman had ran me down saying 'she never wished me a happy christmas so I'm not accepting it!'. I never responded to what she said, fair enough i thought if she doesn't want to help, just don't need the little outburst. However, he was in the wrong saying that to me as that was stirring things up and it was unprofessional. The irony was she continued to suck up to my husband (after that remark!) by putting notes to him in our letterbox and he was always helping her out yet she ran me down out the partnership!
Weird.

Evri save this parcel for me
I can't use Kev anymore
It's getting late, is it rude to knock?
Feels shite knockin' on Kevin’s door
Knock knock knocking on Kevin’s door etc

730 is late to be knocking for a parcel in a house with a 2 year old.

Neighbour relationships are important, good relationships make the difference between a pleasant life at home and unpleasant - don't let this escalate.

Drop a card in or catch the neighbours when they aren't busy, apologise and explain your side (the urgency). It might not just be the parcels annoying them could be more.

It isn't a normal time to knock at all, children will be being or just been put to bed. Not all are easy sleepers knocking disturbs children.

At 7.30 in my house we would normally be showering and getting into pjs. I don't want to be bothered by neighbours knocking on my door.

I get up super early and am generally winding down, doing skincare, in dressing gown, etc at 7:30pm.

Would definitely not be impressed by someone interrupting me at that hour, especially in winter. Midsummer, maybe.

Really, people who aren't reliably home need to figure out another way to receive parcels. Not bother the neighbours. Not our problem.

Before we moved house my WFH desk looked out over the drive so the delivery people could see I was there - so I took in parcels for the whole cul-de-sac. One neighbour we had things almost daily. I used to send the kids out delivering them all in the early evening - they’d watch out of the window for people coming home from work to catch them. I hate knocking on people’s doors because you never know what you’re interrupting, so this worked for me.

I suspect it’s nothing to do with the parcels though. The neighbour was having a bad day because of sick child, he then snapped at you, went back home, whinged to his wife about you, so she told him off for it which made him even grumpier.

The de-icing thing, he just didn’t even notice you there, he was daydreaming and distracted doing his own car. If he doesn’t normally go out, he was just thinking about the fact it’s the one day he has to go out and the weather is like this! Most people are thinking about themselves most of the time, not thinking about you.

Just be cheery and normal to them, and hopefully it’ll go back to being normal soon.

I'd just ignore them to be honest. They sound a bit psycho and intense. Don't ever accept any parcels for them. They seem very het up about something minor. It's not as if you were regularly pumping out Swedish thrash metal music full bore during the evenings to wake up the little cherub.

I once got some expensive electronics delivered to us by mistake. The address must have autocompleted to ours as they were in a similarly named street. Anyway, I tracked down their phone number, phoned them, told them I had their stuff and made arrangements for them to come and collect it from our unlocked garage where I had moved it to keep it out of the rain. They weren't even my neighbour!

If I had 2 poorly young children and a neighbour kept knocking on my door for a parcel, waking them up i’d be pissed off too.

I also can’t see how you having trouble with ice on the road would be your neighbours problem. We’ve lived at ours for 30 years and never expected a neighbour to offer us a shovel 😂

This

Maybe they were totally fucking knackered due to dealing with an ill 2 year old and resting when they could and the last thing they wanted to deal with was a neighbour
Most of us have been there

Put a card through: ‘Just a note to apologise for all the interruptions due to the constant deliveries before Christmas and also for waking up your little one. We really appreciate it was a massive inconvenience for you & have taken you off the list so hopefully you won’t be disturbed anymore.’ All the best for 2025!’

She knocked….where did you get ‘hammering’ from? Everything is so dramatic on here!

I would’ve quickly nipped round with the parcel if I didn’t want my neighbour knocking my door due to all the excuses given above eg ‘flu season’

My neighbours and I all take in each other's parcels and text each other if there is a parcel to be collected.

I don't want my neighbours having ny phone number.

Eh I’m fully aware it happens to loads of people. I was explaining to you that it’s annoying and inconsiderate, in response to your comment that you “don’t understaaaaand” 🙄

This. I think the offers of wine etc are ott.

It does sound like he overreacted, however I can totally see how he’s arrived at this stage.

Christmas stress , poorly kids - it’s just extra jobs he didn’t need .

I don’t work Fridays , and I find that Amazon and everi always manage to knock a few times on that day to take things in for the street .

I try not to mind , but honestly I just want to rest and dose on Friday, so I can get through the next round of work.

then I have had people moan that I didn’t take the parcel to them when they got home , or complain because I had gone out and my teenager ignored the door or one very memorable time my husband gave the wrong parcel to the wrong neighbour, and rather coming to ask what had happened, they wrote In the covid facebook message group that we were “trying to pull a fast one” ( I didn’t point out that they were the one who took a parcel with someone else’s name on)

it’s not always great fun being the streets sorting office!

go apologise with a box of hero’s I’m sure it will be smoothed over .

YANBU - massive negative overreaction on your neighbour’s part

This! They sound like arseholes tbh OP.

We also have a safe space, which the delivery people sometimes ignore and deliver to our neighbour’s instead. Also, sometimes you can’t even state a safe space.

As pp said, apologise with a card/flowers.

our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

Does this mean he has helped to shovel snow from your drive before? Why didn’t you guys buy a shovel?

I think there is a pattern here of you and DP relying on the neighbour too much.