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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed by neighbours behaviour

178 replies

Sadaboutneighbours · 07/01/2025 19:32

So might get flamed but hear me out! Name changed as potentially outing.

We have lived next door to a couple for 8 years. They have two children aged 12 and 2 and are in their late 40s (just trying to create a picture here!) We've never had any problems with them whatsoever. Not friends but regular polite chats over the fence etc and would always say hello on a morning.

They sometimes take parcels in for us (not usually a regular thing as our stated preference is to leave in a safe place). In the lead up to Christmas they had taken a couple for us (obviously we were ordering more than usual at this point) and my partner apologised for this and said 'you're like a sorting office for us I'm really sorry!' The guy was like 'absolutely no problem at all don't worry about it!'

So, then a week or so before Christmas Amazon left a parcel of ours at their house one morning. We knocked on their door a couple of times in the afternoon (it was an emergency order of something I needed that night) and even though they were in they didn't answer. I tried one last time at 7.30pm and they didn't answer so I left it there for the night.

The next day the guy came round with our parcel. He banged on our door and my partner answered. The guy said in a really aggressive way 'when you came round last night you woke up our poorly two year old so can you please take us off your preference list'. My partner apologised but by that point he'd already turned his back and was storming off!

Unfortunately despite us changing our preferences Amazon tried to deliver a package to them afew days later (even though we were in!) and they refused it which is fair enough BUT he has not spoken to us since!!!!! No hello on a morning, doesn't even look up etc.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

So, AIBU for being sad that it's come to this after 8 years of having no problems, it all of a sudden feels like we've got a big problem over something that I feel is an innocent mistake!?!? I've no problem with them not accepting parcels for us but to ignore us like this seems ridiculous!

And what would you do moving forward!?

Thanks hive mind x

OP posts:
LadySnoresMuchly · 07/01/2025 20:37

I can't see how they have done anything wrong really. Apart from being cross when he came over with the parcel.

They didn't answer the door at 7.30 or offer you a shovel. Presumably he was going to use his own shovel after the casual deicing.

How was he supposed to know your child was crying in the car?

I'd change to an Amazon locker for a while, just in case.

SnoopysHoose · 07/01/2025 20:37

Put a note on your door saying 'do not leave at no.5'
then speak to neighbours and apologise, it's not difficult to figure this out.

Jabbabong · 07/01/2025 20:39

Sadaboutneighbours · 07/01/2025 19:46

@NimmyB I knocked for the parcel 3 times. I think once at 3, once at around 5 then at 7.30 x

7:30pm is too late to be knocking if they have a 2 year old. If they do not answer the door after the second knock at 5pm then you wait until the next day. They are not obliged to answer the door to you and evidently they were dealing with more important things.

If I had just got a poorly toddler to sleep I would have been mightily pissed off with you as well.

TunaTheSilverTabbyCat · 07/01/2025 20:40

If they had a poorly 2 year old they were probably napping with the child, knocking 3 times is excessive, knock once then put a note through the letterbox with your phone number, apologising that it was delivered to them and ask if they wouldn't mind messaging you when it was convenient to knock as it's much needed item

Questioning why he didn't help you is mind boggling. Why should he? If the road was that treacherous before you've even started on your journey then you shouldn't be driving at all
He's got every right to de-ice his car whether he works from home or not

Glad you're not my neighbour

SometimesCalmPerson · 07/01/2025 20:41

If you knew they were in but not answering the door, and you know it’s the middle of flu season, it doesn’t take a lot to realise they probably have a good reason for not answering the door. First time was an innocent mistake, the second and third time was inconsiderate and showing you care more about your parcel than anything they might have going on.

So if you didn’t care about what was going on for them, why should they care if you have to drive in the snow.

ThejoyofNC · 07/01/2025 20:44

We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving

Why the hell were you trying to drive if your car was skidding all over the place?

And I'd be bloody pissed off with you too if you knocked on my door 3 times in one afternoon.

MonkeyVsBunny · 07/01/2025 20:45

I sincerely wish the biggest problem in my life was this.

AlpacaMittens · 07/01/2025 20:47

@LaDeeDaDeeDa
"The sign is in a prominent position and we have only had one or two (foreigners) who were didn't follow instructions!"

Us pesky foreigners are very bad when it comes to following instructions, please forgive us.

Londonrach1 · 07/01/2025 20:49

Wine, chocolate and apology.

MonkeyVsBunny · 07/01/2025 20:50

Londonrach1 · 07/01/2025 20:49

Wine, chocolate and apology.

Beer, fight, never speak for 20 years

rightinthedavinamccalls · 07/01/2025 20:51

SquawkerTexasRanger · 07/01/2025 20:27

If I had a sick two year old and my neighbour that knows the age of my child was hammering on my door at what’s likely to be their bedtime I would be raging too

I don't really understand this. Me and DH managed to raise our kids while still being able to answer the door if they were sick or in bed. It would have taken seconds to give OP her parcel.

rightinthedavinamccalls · 07/01/2025 20:53

ThejoyofNC · 07/01/2025 20:44

We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving

Why the hell were you trying to drive if your car was skidding all over the place?

And I'd be bloody pissed off with you too if you knocked on my door 3 times in one afternoon.

If they had answered the door OP wouldn't have had to knock 3 times. What is it with Mumsnetters not answering the door? It's weird.

AlpacaMittens · 07/01/2025 20:53

It sounds like they hoped that after the "you're our sorting office ha ha" comment they wouldn't get any more of your parcels... Yet, surprise! And then you knocked repeatedly. Getting a parcel collected by a neighbour means you'll get the parcel when it's convenient for them - not whenever it suits you. They're not actually a sorting office. I know Amazon are pretty horrible for reading delivery instructions, you really need to try and tell them several times that they are NOT to deliver next door.

I wouldn't get them a present but I'd post a card through their door explaining that you never actually directed couriers to deliver at theirs, and that please feel free to refuse parcels in future and will be absolutely no hard feelings. Then give them a cheery "hello!" when you see them and let it go - they might be too stubborn but that's not your problem.

SquawkerTexasRanger · 07/01/2025 20:53

rightinthedavinamccalls · 07/01/2025 20:51

I don't really understand this. Me and DH managed to raise our kids while still being able to answer the door if they were sick or in bed. It would have taken seconds to give OP her parcel.

Show quote history

My neighbour knew I had a one year old and a two year old and rang my doorbell at 8 o’clock one night when I had just got them both to sleep. The doorbell woke them both and I had to resettle them. It’s annoying and inconsiderate. Is it that difficult to understand?

amicisimma · 07/01/2025 20:59

Not the point of the thread, but why was your engine revving?

If the clutch was engaged you'd just be making the wheels spin more and the skidding worse. If the clutch was disengaged you'd just be making a noise for nothing.

JanglingJack · 07/01/2025 21:01

You never know what is going on in someone else's life. It sounds like the parcel, and 3 times knocking, were the knocks to end all knocks.

Everyone has a limit. Neither of you have done wrong in essence (I say this as someone that always takes in next doors teen stuff, but recently had op on toe) - YABU - poorly child/limited disability/stress - whatever does not mean you are the happy, smiley parcel acceptee, neither are you the happy smiling (in pain through grimaced teeth) the same person to come to the door and say here it is! No problem! (Grrr fuckers, get it sent to the shops, I'm not your fucking parcel dickhead because you know I'm not at work. I'm not at work because I can't fucking walk, you'd know that if you were a good neighbour. Wanky.)

Something like that anyway, I suspect.

MagentaRavioli · 07/01/2025 21:02

Just apologise, try to mend things and move on. Bearing grudges and allowing stuff like this to fester helps no one.

SanFranBear · 07/01/2025 21:03

People are very odd, and I don't mean you, OP.

I'm not seeing what the massive deal around taking in a few parcels or knocking a whole three times to collect... I will admit not sure why you're cross at him for de-icing his car 😁 but the other things - that's just neighbour stuff, isn't it? I don't like one of my neighbours but we're pleasant enough as we have to live next to each other and I take in their parcels, just as they take in mine...

MN really does feel like a very strange place at times!

Applepoop · 07/01/2025 21:05

I’d just ignore them.

They sound a bit pathetic. If they knew they had a sleeping ill kid and they also knew they had a parcel of yours, they could have put 2 and 2 together and realised that you’ll probably be coming for it. So they should have pre-empted that by either sticking a note on the door saying “please don’t ring bell - child is ill and sleeping” or brought the fucking parcel round before you came knocking. 7:30pm wasn’t unreasonable to knock anyway.

scotstars · 07/01/2025 21:06

I would get parcels delivered to a locker or collection point. I do this now unless it's a named day delivery that I know will be in for as was fed up trying to retrieve parcels from neighbours or the bin!

Londonrach1 · 07/01/2025 21:21

MonkeyVsBunny · 07/01/2025 20:50

Beer, fight, never speak for 20 years

Show quote history

Lol. Probably...but worth the other route first....

NiftyKoala · 07/01/2025 21:23

LizzoBennett · 07/01/2025 19:41

I think your neighbour was probably snappy and exhausted after a difficult night with a poorly child and it made them overreact. They are probably a bit embarrassed but stubborn and have decided to stick to their guns as it was annoying to take in your parcels. As you weren't friends anyway, it is unlikely to feel like a loss to them. I wouldn't have knocked at 7.30pm if I knew the person had a 2 year old. It's not their problem that you had an urgent parcel delivered to them.

I agree with this. Honesty I'd hate having a neighbor like this. You were not friends and it seems you over estimated how much help they'd want to give you.

watchuswreckthemic · 07/01/2025 21:29

Emergency order of something you needed that night but you hadn't organised to be in? Then it's not an emergency and doesn't make it an emergency for them either.
Annoying I agree but hopefully the responses on this thread help you realise

  • you don't know what is going on with peoples lives
  • you seem to expect people to help you but have never mentioned how you do the same
I'd genuinely try and build bridges
FoxtonFoxton · 07/01/2025 21:31

For the sake of neighbourly peace, I'd bung a card and chocolates on the doorstep, make sure my parcel instructions were clear with a note on my own door, and leave him to get over his strop. You don't need to be best mates, but it's good to be peaceful, even just for future potential sale purposes. Sounds like he had a bad day with a sick child and it was just his breaking point. I'm sure he'll get over it eventually.

comedycentral · 07/01/2025 21:36

Kill them with kindness (chocolate and card) and sort out a lock box for next to the house. We've got one with a padlock - Royal Mail, Amazon etc always just pop it in there and we collect from the side of the house.

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