To be disappointed by neighbours behaviour

[Sadaboutneighbours]

So might get flamed but hear me out! Name changed as potentially outing.

We have lived next door to a couple for 8 years. They have two children aged 12 and 2 and are in their late 40s (just trying to create a picture here!) We've never had any problems with them whatsoever. Not friends but regular polite chats over the fence etc and would always say hello on a morning.

They sometimes take parcels in for us (not usually a regular thing as our stated preference is to leave in a safe place). In the lead up to Christmas they had taken a couple for us (obviously we were ordering more than usual at this point) and my partner apologised for this and said 'you're like a sorting office for us I'm really sorry!' The guy was like 'absolutely no problem at all don't worry about it!'

So, then a week or so before Christmas Amazon left a parcel of ours at their house one morning. We knocked on their door a couple of times in the afternoon (it was an emergency order of something I needed that night) and even though they were in they didn't answer. I tried one last time at 7.30pm and they didn't answer so I left it there for the night.

The next day the guy came round with our parcel. He banged on our door and my partner answered. The guy said in a really aggressive way 'when you came round last night you woke up our poorly two year old so can you please take us off your preference list'. My partner apologised but by that point he'd already turned his back and was storming off!

Unfortunately despite us changing our preferences Amazon tried to deliver a package to them afew days later (even though we were in!) and they refused it which is fair enough BUT he has not spoken to us since!!!!! No hello on a morning, doesn't even look up etc.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

So, AIBU for being sad that it's come to this after 8 years of having no problems, it all of a sudden feels like we've got a big problem over something that I feel is an innocent mistake!?!? I've no problem with them not accepting parcels for us but to ignore us like this seems ridiculous!

And what would you do moving forward!?

Thanks hive mind x

Wow I hope you stopped in taking parcels for the ‘pulling a fast one’ neighbour.

Actually I would just stop altogether.

If it was clear they were in, but not answering their door, you shouldn’t have knocked three times. That would have been intensely annoying. It wasn’t their problem you needed whatever it was that night.

And as for not helping you on your drive - again, not their problem. Your partner was helping you. That should have been sufficient.

If I were your neighbour reading this, I’d comment that I’m not your services provider re parcels or running your car.

The paragraph about the snow makes you sound ridiculous not him.

Why are you so needy for a friendly neighbour, you pissed him off and now he doesn't want to talk to you. Just get on with your lives without them in it

I've seen it all now - don't knock someone's door as they might be doing their skin-care. FFS.

I am as anti-social as they come but have no issue taking in parcels and having them collected and I think the neighbour sounds really rude. I can't imagine carrying on sulking and ignoring someone over this - how awkward and unpleasant.

As for everyone saying you don't know what's going in their life, the same goes the other way. Neighbour doesn't know what's going on for OP and therefore it's best all round to just carry on neighbourly relations giving everyone involved one less thing to worry about.

Why would you knock at 7:30pm when you know they have a 2 year old?! And when you'd already knocked twice and they weren't answering the door?

The car thing is insane, why would you need a third adult in that situation?

Apologies, double post.

A few years ago we stopped taking in a neighbours parcels as they were practically daily and my youngest child was beginning to stay home alone and we didn't want him opening the front door. Sorry but you are unreasonable and entitled. Get parcels delivered on days when you are in!

I agree with this (except for the last bit).

He was snappy and irritated. Overreacted. But ultimately, doesn't much care as you are of no import to them. Has doubled down.

I think 7.30 is fine to knock, 2 year old or not.

I don't think it's fine to knock after 7pm if you know people have very young children.

Note of apology and move on.

I think you sound dramatic over the snow situation.

I take in parcels for a neighbour occasionally and he does the same for me. Maybe 4/5 times a year.

I think the problem was 3 times in December started to feel like a piss take. All you can do is apologise and stress it shouldn’t happen again, if it does then they shouldn’t accept delivery as it’s a mistake.

In the event that they might not answer the door to you I would consider writing a short note apologising for the whole mix-up but more importantly, ask about the 2 yr old and say you. didn't realise they were poorly.
You could include a small gift, perhaps a gift card for a local garden centre so they can all enjoy it.

How about having your parcels delivered to a pick-up point rather than delivered to home? No risk of it being left outside (as often happens here) and no troubling the neighbours.

Finally, do reverse your car onto the drive..........it is much easier and a lot safer to drive forwards into the road than to reverse out.

Did you ask to borrow his spade? Sounds to me like you were both busy doing snow-related car business so there's no reason he'd break off his to help with yours unasked, esp when your DH is already helping you. Could've seemed patronising. Plus he might still be frosty with you over the parcel business if it's not been smoothed over with an explanation that Amazon got it wrong etc. Being so disappointed over the snow situation, which was really your own issue nothing to do with him, feels like you trying to even up his guilt with yours over the parcel so you won't feel so bad and can make it a him problem. Bottom line is he's been no trouble for 8 years until you, in your DH's words, started treating them like a sorting office (and continued to, getting 'emergency' delivers for that evening but not being in for the delivery, so I'd apologise and try to smooth over the parcel thing and move on, not bring this snow drama into it. Sounds like you shouldn't have been driving if it was so unsafe, and need to buy a spade. But not via Amazon.

It's super annoying when you are working from home when delivery drivers rings your doorbell for parcels that aren't even yours. You shouldn't have set their house up as an alternative delivery point in the first place. You also shouldn't have gone around and knocked 3 times within the space of 4 hours, at that point they had already been disturbed enough and didn't need you chasing your parcel on top of it.

Regarding the car, don't drive if you don't have control of the car. It's super dangerous and if you can't get to where you are going on foot then don't go.

M neighbour has a 2 year old and sometimes ges parcels for us I always text before I ring door in the evening as I don’t want to wake your child as I remember this driving me mad when my kids were small . Lesson learned for you .

Let the dust settle. Don't say anything about what happened because then you're making it 'a thing'.

Time will help improve the situation.

Anyone that thinks it's ok to knock on the door of a family that have small children at 7.30pm has likely done one of the three options below:

• Forgotten what it is like to get a toddler to sleep

• Does not appreciate how difficult it is to get some toddlers to sleep because their children were good sleepers

• Are child-free or just plain mean/inconsiderate

Put it this way, the toddler may take another 30 minutes to re-settle after being woken again. If this is the case then OP has essentially cut half an hour of their likely exhausted neighbour's evening. It's very easy to say 'that's life' but you may not have experienced the internal rage that comes over you when an unknowing delivery person knocks on your door and wakes your child, let alone someone that is aware. I'm not excusing the fact that the neighbour lost it. I've never taken it that far but I get it.

I know; how much snow was there? I have revved my small Ford and sailed through fairly deep snow in our driveway without needing to be "dug out."

Or clear it before trying to move the car.

So they took approximately 3 packages for you during Xmas time, all fine, then they told you they'll take no more for apparent reasons, but after that, Amazon tried to deliver to their door few more times anyway - from their perspective it seems like you don't really care what they told you and just cheekily carry on.
Not very neighbourly in their opinion, that's why the cold distance.

(I know you gave them different instructions, but you need to tell this to your neighbours as well).

Definitely apologise, send some flowers, chocolate- good neighbourhood relationship is important.

I wouldn’t go as far to give a card and flowers etc that others are suggesting, I think that’s a bit much if it’s really just about the 5 packages. And they haven’t exactly covered themselves in glory either.

Unfortunately despite us changing our preferences Amazon tried to deliver a package to them afew days later (even though we were in!) and they refused it which is fair enough BUT he has not spoken to us since!!!!! No hello on a morning, doesn't even look up etc.

But what I don’t understand is why you didn’t immediately go over and explain when this happened? That’s what I’d do! Just a short “sorry about that, Amazon didn’t follow instructions, if it happens again of course please let me know and I’ll continue to remind Amazon and of course don’t take in any further parcels for us”

If he hadn’t gone in a mood it sounds like you would have just happily carried on as you were with him and not apologised or acknowledged that the Amazon driver had ignored your instructions. It’s that classic case of people will conveniently not notice what they’ve done to offend you, but they’ll notice your reaction.

I think they could’ve handled this better , starting from not accepting the parcel to begin with (since they were so limited in the times you could come collect it) but so could you.

If you lent some folk a fiver they'd ask you to iron it, wouldn't they? Imagine expecting someone to take in your parcel AND hand-deliver it to you as well. Cheeky sods. Some people seem to forget that if someone does you a favour you're not really in a strong position to dictate the terms . . .

I agree. Some people on here are so rigid and set themselves up for nothing but stress with their strict 'routines'. I just can't imagine a knock at the door would cause my life to unravel the way it does for some people.

Well people like you and the OPs neighbour should opt out of being decent neighbours and don't take parcels in. I would suggest that taking the parcel to the neighbour would solve all the hysteria from a knock on the door early evening. I await the cries of "why should I have to blah blah blah..." God help you folks when the kids get older and you can't control everything.

I think every single parent has been there, myself included. I still managed to answer the door to a visitor/neighbour. What on earth is the hysteria about?

Not the point of the thread but when I lived in London and didn’t know any of my neighbours I used to use Amazon lockers.

I WFH now so I don’t use them anymore but I found them so useful.

I’d pick one near my local train station then just stop by and collect it on my way home after work.

You really should have changed your settings ages ago. Amazon just leave all our parcels on the doorstep. Strict instructions not to go to neighbours.

All you can do is apologise.