To be disappointed by neighbours behaviour

[Sadaboutneighbours]

So might get flamed but hear me out! Name changed as potentially outing.

We have lived next door to a couple for 8 years. They have two children aged 12 and 2 and are in their late 40s (just trying to create a picture here!) We've never had any problems with them whatsoever. Not friends but regular polite chats over the fence etc and would always say hello on a morning.

They sometimes take parcels in for us (not usually a regular thing as our stated preference is to leave in a safe place). In the lead up to Christmas they had taken a couple for us (obviously we were ordering more than usual at this point) and my partner apologised for this and said 'you're like a sorting office for us I'm really sorry!' The guy was like 'absolutely no problem at all don't worry about it!'

So, then a week or so before Christmas Amazon left a parcel of ours at their house one morning. We knocked on their door a couple of times in the afternoon (it was an emergency order of something I needed that night) and even though they were in they didn't answer. I tried one last time at 7.30pm and they didn't answer so I left it there for the night.

The next day the guy came round with our parcel. He banged on our door and my partner answered. The guy said in a really aggressive way 'when you came round last night you woke up our poorly two year old so can you please take us off your preference list'. My partner apologised but by that point he'd already turned his back and was storming off!

Unfortunately despite us changing our preferences Amazon tried to deliver a package to them afew days later (even though we were in!) and they refused it which is fair enough BUT he has not spoken to us since!!!!! No hello on a morning, doesn't even look up etc.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

So, AIBU for being sad that it's come to this after 8 years of having no problems, it all of a sudden feels like we've got a big problem over something that I feel is an innocent mistake!?!? I've no problem with them not accepting parcels for us but to ignore us like this seems ridiculous!

And what would you do moving forward!?

Thanks hive mind x

Um, dealing with the child being sick maybe? Not too hard to imagine.

Nobody has asked how many parcels OP has taken in for their snotty neighbour.

We've had issues with taking neighbours parcels. You must simply apologise and show them proof if necessary you changed the preference for 'secure place'.

Tell them how you value their neighbourly friendship and definitely don't want to fall out over such things. Maybe even a bottle or some flowers?

The fact their kid was sick was just bad timing. So you'd hope he'd simmer down.

I'd do it face to face if possible. It's definitely not something to go to war over.

Bless you & yours. I don't feel you're being unreasonable. They've previously always informed you that it's no problem, so what else would you presume. We've had numerous neighbours knocking even past 9pm for parcels we've took in for them. You're not a medium or psychic so how were you meant to know their 2 year old was unwell. Completely different if they'd previously informed you of this. Yes I would most surely give them an apology present & card, even though I don't think you were out of order. Some seem to think you knocked at 10pm instead of 7.30... You just weren't to know their child was unwell & I would explain it was an emergency parcel you needed that evening, just to clear your side of the street, so to speak. Remind them what lovely Compassionate warmhearted neighbous you are. You would have done the same for them💚💛Hope they can be human enough to forgive a completely unintended upset - I wish You&Yours the utmost very best & hope they can begin treating you with the respect & understanding you deserve again

Entitled is the key word here. If you knock on a neighbours door, they don't answer (but you know they're in) then there is surely a reason they dont want to answer the door- then you go back and knock and again, and then again at 7.30 it's quite intimidating tbh

They just dump my deliveries on the doorstep. Sometimes they don't even bother going up to the door, the stand in the alley next to the house and throw it over the fence.

LOL at people working from home not needing to de-ice their cars. Still got to take my son to nursery, run errands, drive myself to the station for days that I am in the office.

I would get a card, a bottle of wine, write something sincere in it and leave it at thier door to apologise. Then it’s up them.

Bring round a box of chocolates and a bottle of wine and just front it out and apologise. Do it when you are certain they are in. Or better yet have it ready to hand over if you see them outside. If you go to
their door Have a letter ready in case they ignore or can’t answer, saying

‘So sorry for waking your son the other night. We did ask that parcels not go to you but they ignored us. Please accept the gift outside’. They will surely hear the letterbox rattling. Leave the gift on their doorstep.

If that doesn’t smooth things over then they are just dicks.

Threads like this never go well! MN is full of people who are in their PJ’s by 5pm and never open the door to anyone who hasn’t been invited!
I take in parcels for my neighbours often and usually pop them round when I can see they are home. Surely just opening the door and giving you the parcel would have been the sensible option, even with a sick child. Not sure what the de-icing and your over sensitive 6 year old has to do with anything though 😀

I take in parcels for some neighbours but not others, it depends on their track record of collecting them from me! I have a key for my neighbour so I just put hers in her hallway and she does the same for us. Another set of neighbours have just been added to the 'no' list for not collecting and not answering when I knocked even though I knew they were in. It took me 3 attempts to get them to answer.

I know I'm probably a nuisance in the eyes of MN posters but if I've taken in a parcel I want it collected ASAP!

Is this an English thing, Amazon dropping off parcels at the stay at home neighbours house? I work from home some days and would loathe that, in fact I would refuse to do it. I may be home but I am working and don't want constant interruptions. In the US they just leave our parcels outside or you collect them from a Dropbox.

I’d leave a ‘Sorry’ card, bunch of flowers and bottle of wine on their doorstep.
In the card I’d tell them that preferences have been changed, and to refuse any future deliveries. And I’d express sincere apologies about waking their poorly child.

Good luck. Good neighbours are worth their weight in gold. It’s worth trying to fix this.

Knocking 3 times is a bit much, especially as you knew they were in, so a reason why they couldn't come to the door.

It would be one of those one in a million chances where they were in the middle of something each time.

They'd have had one of those days and your parcel tipped them over.

I'd leave things to settle then speak face to face, starting with an apology.

You're in the wrong, I have a ten month old baby, when he was sick it was horrific. I'd not slept for days he wouldn't stop crying, if I'd finally got him off to sleep and someone woke him I'd be fuming it sounds like they were constantly taking in parcels for you and you pushed it to far, you should have never allowed it to continue to happen

Where we lived previously ,a certain neighbour really began to take advantage!
I didn’t mind at first taking parcels in for them , but then it got ridiculous, my dog barking at the door , I would answer and the parcel wasn’t for me .
They weren’t working , but they liked being out and about all the time and travelling / socialising/ doing sports .
Final straw was when I got a WhatsApp message from them saying they’d a package on its way but they were off for a long weekend with friends so they’d told the delivery driver to leave it with us .
I began to refuse to take in any more parcels for them .
Where we live now there are young families and a lot of working from home .
I WhatsApp neighbours if I have taken a parcel in for them or if the Evri driver has mistakenly given it to me .
Then we arrange a convenient time for me to drop off or they pick up , I don't want to disturb children who are being settled to bed / daytime napping

I think she was just trying to convey how angry the male neighbour was, when he could clearly see, she was struggling & her child was upset... Surely a warmhearted, Compassionate Soul would offer if there was anything at all he could do to help? Original Commenter mentioned this incident because obviously it conveys how he's holding onto resentments... God help those so pompous in judgement of this Mother, should there estimation of a suitable time to knock, for an Emergency Item, be off course 🙏 She clearly meant no upset to anyone or she wouldn't be bothered, taking the time to speak it through & request feedback here... 🙏

Yes Completely Concur With You
If her sincere apology doesn't work, how high & Mighty & unforgiving
They don't know when they might inaccurately estimate a situation, in years to come - This male neighbour might well be reliant on a different neighbour, handing him, an Emergency Item, he will have no choice but to rely on someone else taking in for him
He does sound very pious & judgemental
It's not like this Mum was knocking for the fun of it, at 10pm!

She wasn’t alone though. What could the neighbour have done that OP’s husband couldn’t have?

Why didn't they open the door on your first knock! And I think it's unlikely a knock on the door woke the child!! Think there's more to his attitude!

Yes. Our neighbours refuses to have a sign identifying his house, his businesses, or his lets, and for years, confused delivery drivers would leave their packages for us…bakery deliveries, business stuff, garden furniture, etc, etc…4-5x a week. I finally said, look, please have a sign, use delivery apps, we cannot schlep over packages to you all the time. Nope, they weren’t having it. I said, OK, not taking any more packages then. There gets to be a limit. People take the piss.

OP, you need to apologise in person for waking their kid up, and try to defrost the situation.

Yup.

I don’t think you should have knocked 3x in one day, it was more that than taking your parcel. It’s not clear if at the time you knew they were in but if you did, should have taken the hint and gone back the next day.

Why was it so urgent?

I can understand why they don’t want to take another parcel.

I don’t think you should have expected help with the car, your DH was already there.

Let the dust settle a bit and perhaps leave goodwill gesture to apologise and explain your default is the safe place so it shouldn’t have gone to them and it was an item you urgently needed (if they would see it as something that couldn’t wait until the morning - what was it?)

Get a parcel box outside your place
they are available on Amazon
tbh it would of driven me nuts to
apologise and gift them something

I think they are ridicules i am happy to take in parcels for my neighbours it doesn't bother me at all. Took in about 10 large boxes in one go once as neighbour has a family member with many health issues and has regular medical deliveries they took up most of the lounge. It was fine. It doesn't cost anything to do someone a favour.