To be disappointed by neighbours behaviour

[Sadaboutneighbours]

So might get flamed but hear me out! Name changed as potentially outing.

We have lived next door to a couple for 8 years. They have two children aged 12 and 2 and are in their late 40s (just trying to create a picture here!) We've never had any problems with them whatsoever. Not friends but regular polite chats over the fence etc and would always say hello on a morning.

They sometimes take parcels in for us (not usually a regular thing as our stated preference is to leave in a safe place). In the lead up to Christmas they had taken a couple for us (obviously we were ordering more than usual at this point) and my partner apologised for this and said 'you're like a sorting office for us I'm really sorry!' The guy was like 'absolutely no problem at all don't worry about it!'

So, then a week or so before Christmas Amazon left a parcel of ours at their house one morning. We knocked on their door a couple of times in the afternoon (it was an emergency order of something I needed that night) and even though they were in they didn't answer. I tried one last time at 7.30pm and they didn't answer so I left it there for the night.

The next day the guy came round with our parcel. He banged on our door and my partner answered. The guy said in a really aggressive way 'when you came round last night you woke up our poorly two year old so can you please take us off your preference list'. My partner apologised but by that point he'd already turned his back and was storming off!

Unfortunately despite us changing our preferences Amazon tried to deliver a package to them afew days later (even though we were in!) and they refused it which is fair enough BUT he has not spoken to us since!!!!! No hello on a morning, doesn't even look up etc.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

So, AIBU for being sad that it's come to this after 8 years of having no problems, it all of a sudden feels like we've got a big problem over something that I feel is an innocent mistake!?!? I've no problem with them not accepting parcels for us but to ignore us like this seems ridiculous!

And what would you do moving forward!?

Thanks hive mind x

Agree. And to add I don’t buy that they had a sick child so unwell they couldent answer the door all day to chuck a parcel out. It will be to do with something else that they can’t just talk to you about like civil people..

We take parcels in for both sets of neighbours all the time - its a nightmare when you have to go to the sorting office to collect an undelivered parcel - and both sets know there is always someone home at ours (as do the delivery guys). It takes less than a minute to collect it from the delivery guy, put it in the hallway and then pass it on when the neighbour rings to collect. We had next doors daughter turn up this evening to collect her tiktok parcel whilst we were having dinner, answered the door, passed the parcel and returned to dinner. Its a sad state of times when a neighbourly act is done with anger.

I get the feeling that's precisely what they'll be doing from now on.

The parcel issue is totally separate to the bit below. Seriously, please learn how to drive safely in snow and ice as you have demonstrated you are a fucking dangerous driver who could kill somebody. Your engine should not be revving like that. Secondly, if you cannot drive safely then DO NOT HAVE YOUR CHILD IN THE CAR. He could have waited at your front door until you were safely in position if it was only slippery on the drive. This just proves how mad YOU are and that your neighbour is the sane one by safely keeping his distance.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

I wouldn't have taken in any of your parcels. Neighbours stuff drives me nuts. You shouldn't rely on neighbours, if you aren't very close friends you are actually imposing on them.

It sounds like you pissed off your neighbours, they overreacted a bit, you took umbrage at this and have leapt on the non-existent incident this morning as a way to make it their fault.

Why would your neighbour have come out to help you with his shovel? Why were you questioning the fact that he was de-icing his car? It’s his bloody car! Your own husband was helping you; you didn’t need the intervention of your neighbour.

Just accept that you’ve annoyed them, they’ll probably get over it and you’ll all move on. They really don’t care about you that much.

Pah. I would ignore him. Fuck him. Your DH gave him a little power as a joke, and it's gone to his head. Don't give the prick the satisfaction of your grovelling.

Do make a sign for delivery drivers though.

If you ever want or need to sell your home you don't want to have to pretend everything is fine with the neighbours.
Pop a card in the door, "sorry about the Amazon parcels, hope X is well. Best wishes for the New Year". Smile and be polite. He may sulk a bit but ride it out.

Are you sure it was only 5 parcels a year? The comment about sorting office makes me think you might be underestimating it.

If he's the one in the road that delivery drivers get to know is WFH I bet he gets lumbered with everybody's crap.

If you ever want or need to sell your home you don't want to have to pretend everything is fine with the neighbours.

It’s hardly a full-on dispute you’d have to declare to solicitors 🙄

I admit, from your description, I wouldn't have wanted to come anywhere near your unsafe driving. The parcel thing sounds a bit of a storm in a teacup.

Sometimes when someone snaps like that it takes a while for the shame to clam down enough to consider apologising or the equivalent in saying hi again or friendly gestures. You never know why they didn't answer the door, it might be sensitive/embarrassing. I would say 8 years is good going as a lot of people have difficult neighbours. Agree with a lot of comments here, kill them with kindness (when appropriate) etc but I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. We can all hit a low like this man so please be kind.

This is a good point. I WFH for the most part and I find this happens to me too. I can see how he might have had a titful, especially since the neighbours seem to think it's some joke. If he's got any sense he'll stop making himself so available for them.

I'm reminded of the most recent Christmas Outnumbered where their hallway wound up full of the neighbour's shit off Amazon. Solution? Chuck it over the fence. No good deed and all that.

The difference between a favour and taking advantage of someone is often down to frequency.

They may feel that they did not mind the odd one or two times because it's a favour and it's neighbourly but any more and you're taking advantage of their presence and their kind nature without taking into consideration how feasible or put out this leaves them.

You should apologise when the heightened emotions have died down but you should also take every precaution like the drop off boxes or collect at local store options possible if you don't know for certain that someone will be in.

If they were all so Ill they surely wouldn’t have taken the parcel in?

Maybe they are sick of your behaviour otherwise, and this was the final straw?

Revving and engine for no reason,
crying is year old, “5 parcels” and the sorting office comment, perhaps they don’t view you as kindly as they once did? Maybe they are sick of feeing like a sorting office for more people on the road? Could be lots of additional irritations. Or not.

Do you think that never happened to anyone else? I also had people ringing my doorbell when I had small children in bed and it woke them up. It's life. I wouldn't dream of ignoring a neighbour at my door.

Yeah 2 grown adults and one of them couldn't take a minute to pop the parcel into OP. All this bullshit about sleeping/sick children etc. is quite bizarre.

I give people 3 chances. I assume someone was having a bad day the first time and let it go.

Not really, maybe they had other stuff going on.

When he's working from home he probably gets tired of delivery men knocking for you and other neighbours' deliveries

Yeah and the thing is by them ignoring the door they made things worse for their “sick sleeping child”. OP wouldn’t have came back if they had just answered it the first time or popped around with it.

They shouldn’t have taken it in if they were being so rigid about when OP can pick it up. I get that they may not have thought it through when they accepted the package, but that’s on them. They should’ve just taken it as a lesson and then told Op they won’t be taking in any more of her parcels due to their kids or whatever reason they have.

I don’t agree that he should necessarily have got involved with your skidding car though. Sounds like a potentially tricky situation plus he was busy with his own car and your husband was there.

If they were unable to give OP her parcel then they shouldn't have accepted it. If I don't want to faff about holding parcels and what not I simply say sorry I am going out shortly so won't be in for them to collect.

Don't take in someone's parcel to be "neighbourly" and then ignore them when they come to get it.

Makes zero sense.

Hang on. "Foreigners"?! Why do you think that's okay to say? We're not in backwards times now! That's not okay, give your bloody head a wobble. That's absolutely vile!