To be disappointed by neighbours behaviour

[Sadaboutneighbours]

So might get flamed but hear me out! Name changed as potentially outing.

We have lived next door to a couple for 8 years. They have two children aged 12 and 2 and are in their late 40s (just trying to create a picture here!) We've never had any problems with them whatsoever. Not friends but regular polite chats over the fence etc and would always say hello on a morning.

They sometimes take parcels in for us (not usually a regular thing as our stated preference is to leave in a safe place). In the lead up to Christmas they had taken a couple for us (obviously we were ordering more than usual at this point) and my partner apologised for this and said 'you're like a sorting office for us I'm really sorry!' The guy was like 'absolutely no problem at all don't worry about it!'

So, then a week or so before Christmas Amazon left a parcel of ours at their house one morning. We knocked on their door a couple of times in the afternoon (it was an emergency order of something I needed that night) and even though they were in they didn't answer. I tried one last time at 7.30pm and they didn't answer so I left it there for the night.

The next day the guy came round with our parcel. He banged on our door and my partner answered. The guy said in a really aggressive way 'when you came round last night you woke up our poorly two year old so can you please take us off your preference list'. My partner apologised but by that point he'd already turned his back and was storming off!

Unfortunately despite us changing our preferences Amazon tried to deliver a package to them afew days later (even though we were in!) and they refused it which is fair enough BUT he has not spoken to us since!!!!! No hello on a morning, doesn't even look up etc.

So this morning, I was really really struggling to reverse off the drive. Partner was having to dig me out with a sweeping brush and push my car in to the street. We had a scared crying six year old in the back. I was skidding all over the place and my engine was revving all whilst our neighbour was casually de-icing his car (he works from home so not sure why) and didn't offer to help or offer to lend us his shovel which for me shows just how mad he is!

So, AIBU for being sad that it's come to this after 8 years of having no problems, it all of a sudden feels like we've got a big problem over something that I feel is an innocent mistake!?!? I've no problem with them not accepting parcels for us but to ignore us like this seems ridiculous!

And what would you do moving forward!?

Thanks hive mind x

I agree Op should’ve apologised but I will say in fairness that generally speaking not all couriers follow instructions.

I have it on my Amazon account for them not to dump it in the front lobby in my flat building where anyone can take it, but more often than not that exactly what they do despite the fact I’m rarely not in when I’m expecting a delivery - since I WFH.

I have flagged this so many times but even now only a few of them follow the instructions to deliver it to me in my apartment on the 2nd floor (there’s a lift).

When I lived in London it was the opposite, 90% of my parcels were delivered to my (5th floor) apartment. It just depends on the local couriers you get.

It's not hysteria, it's prioritising yourself if you've literally been up all night with an ill child
If it was a dire emergency then yes, but an Amazon parcel, which was probably left until the last minute to order isn't
They were probably napping, nice and warm and comfortable, catching up on some sleep
Ring once then put a note through the door
Too many entitled people in this world unfortunately

Entitled? The neighbour had their parcel😂As has been said, all the hysteria and exhaustion (oh come off it) could have been solved by taking the parcel to OP. They brought this on themselves. Honest to god, this generation seem to think they're the only ones who ever raised kids.

Why should they though? The last thing I'd be thinking about, if I was dealing with an ill child and probably not feeling that great myself is delivering someone's parcel
It was probably the straw that broke the camels back given the time of year, stress etc
But each to their own 🤷‍♀️

When we are not in amazon deliver to whoever opens their door. We don't have any preferences.

For future reference, revving the car engine wont get you out of the snow, in fact it makes things worse. Try second gear if your car is manual and gentle press the accelerator. It should help as the car wont then get grip and fly forward / backwards potentially hitting someone or some thing.

Here you are OP!

That's OTT and a bit desperate to please...

I find responses like this, and the one earlier in the thread that was basically “If the neighbour had just answered the door, there wouldn’t be a problem”, bizarre. Why should the neighbour have to jump to it just because OP missed a delivery?!

So they were busy and didn’t answer the door - so what? That’s life! And yes, it IS bloody entitled to assume everything stops for you. You say “The neighbours had their parcel 😂” as if they’d stolen it, rather than doing them a favour by taking it in. Yes, it does sound a bit like they overreacted to OP’s knocking, but it’s a mystery to me how it’s somehow become the neighbour at fault for the whole situation.

As predicted upthread "why should...wah wah". If people are going to make the decision to take in a parcel, then refuse to open their door to the parcel owner/ refuse to take the parcel to their neighbour, you can't then cry and tantrum that you can't cope with it. Bloody hell. The drama and hysteria is ridiculous. There's just no need.

Parcel deliveries drive me round the bend. We have our preferred place as behind the flower pots if not in as they are hidden. The drivers ignore this and deliver to my neighbour. Always the same one as they know someone is always home there. They have even gone straight there when I was home but my car was in the garage. They saw an empty drive and made an assumption I wasn't home. I had contacted Amazon and Evri to complain and achieved nothing. My neighbours are lovely and know I have tried to sort it. Your neighbour sounds like he is frustrated and fed up of taking the parcels. I would apologise amd explain that you have updated the delivery company.

It sounds like you're getting hysterical and dramatic over people's differing opinions on the subject

You do realise that not everyone has to agree with your point of view don't you?

I’d just grey rock them and crack on. You haven’t done anything particularly wrong. I’m going to assume he’s having some personal problems and give them some space. Don’t worry about it.

Sounds like the OP needs to learn to drive in snow as well. Rather overly dramatic.

Ah. When your neighbour said "no problem at all", what he really meant was most likely "yes, it's annoying, please stop" especially after your husband acknowledged the inconvenience. I come from a culture where people are much more direct, so living in England, I’ve had to adapt to this coded language where politeness often means saying the opposite of what’s felt, to avoid embarrassment for either party.

The long term answer is to stop having Amazon deliveries to the house unless you can absolutely guarantee you'll be at home.
If I'm not 100% sure I'll be in/available, I get mine delivered to a nearby supermarket. I'm in a very average sized town and there are at least 4 alternative options within a mile of me.

Order them a gift package from Amazon with an apology inside.

This is like the script from Outnumbered Boxing Day Special - I was not impressed with Sue and Pete and their attitude to taking the parcels in and I'm not impressed with your neighbour.

Being a neighbour does involve helping out, even if it's a bit inconvenient. My elderly father took in multiple parcels for the two women who lived next door over the years and never got cross. They moved out and didn't even say goodbye to him, which hurt him terribly. Anyway, thing is, some people are not interested in good relations. Imo you did nothing wrong but I would get all my parcels delivered to the nearby drop off point in future to avoid any hassle. And obviously don't take his.

But IS anyone crying or saying they can’t cope? Or getting hysterical? Not as far as I can see. OP herself confirmed that the neighbour said “when you came round last night you woke up our poorly two year old so can you please take us off your preference list”. Okay, she claims he said it in an “aggressive manner”, but it’s hardly crying, claiming he can’t cope or getting hysterical. In fact his only crime seems to be de-icing his own car instead of stopping what he was doing to run to OP’s aid.

As far as I can tell, the only “Waahh waahh” is coming from the OP, who is going into full drama mode and claiming she’s disappointed with her neighbour (who she hardly knows) because he didn’t drop everything to make her feel better.

OP have you ever taken in parcels for them? Or done any other favours?

It's also possible other neighbours have had their parcels taken in by them too. Maybe it's not just you but others too. Entirely feasible that on each of the 3 occasions you knocked they were dealing with wet bedsheets, sick, poop, crying from their sick child and probably also taking a pop at each other in the middle of it all. Just very unfortunate timing. All you can do is send a graciously worded card of apology and empathy and tell them to refuse any of your parcels in the future.

"But IS anyone crying or saying they can’t cope? Or getting hysterical?"

I could be wrong but I think when posters have mentioned hysteria, they mean it as a broad term, not to describe an individual's behaviour. No one has said the neighbouring man was being hysterical.

I have never heard of or known anyone to be precious about someone knocking on their door after 7pm because they have tots. I had three myself and certainly didn't expect people not to knock on my door after 7pm.
Similarly, I have never felt or been made to feel that I was committing a faux pas by knocking on someone else's door after 7pm. It has never been an issue.

Not knocking on someone's door after 7pm because they have wee ones as a matter of course, isn't a thing.
That's what the hysteria refers to.
Super precious.

I think?

Why does having a sick child prevent you from opening the door? For one thing surely it’s the best way to stop the knocking! They sound insane.

Well I’m English and if someone said no problem at all I’d assume they meant no problem at all.

Ignore them! If they’re willing to destroy 7 years of good neighbourly relations over one little mistake (one which you weren’t even aware you were making because you’re not fucking psychic!), then they’re not the type of people you want to be speaking to anyway! So it’s no great loss to you.

Also, a 2yr old in their late 40s? That’s selfish as fuck. That child is going to have a lonely, boring upbringing (& adulthood when the rest of their family & extended family are all dead) like I did having older parents and mine weren’t even that old! They sound really odd people and I’d be glad to not have to interact with them.