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AIBU?

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Original poster

To know how much to tell my daughters

167 replies

Happyface246 · 05/01/2025 20:08

Dd1 has gone to uni and has her first boyfriend. I think I need to have a chat with her to see if she is using contraception. My husband says that I should let her know that I got pregnant at 22 (it ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks) so that she can see that an unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone which I’m pretty sure she is already aware off! My mum and I didn’t have a close relationship and didn’t really talk about these kinds of things. I’m going to have ‘the talk’ with her but unsure as to how much I include. Any advice welcome x

OP posts:
DorothyStorm · 05/01/2025 20:10

How much to include?! She is an adult! I hope you w spoke to her about relationships before now!

CFOfTheHighestOrder · 05/01/2025 20:10

i think she’ll already know about contraception, I wouldn’t say anything if I was you!

MumChp · 05/01/2025 20:11

No way I would share that information unless I wanted to.

Do the talk if you need to but doesn't she know about these things if she is at university?

Offer to pay contraception and carry on.

Octavia64 · 05/01/2025 20:11

You are about 6 years too late.

Circumferences · 05/01/2025 20:11

I would think by now you would have already chatted to her about this?
Did she tell you when she got her first period? That was the time to talk about contraception.

MidnightPatrol · 05/01/2025 20:12

OP I don’t mean this harshly but… do you think you might be a little late to the party on this?

This will purely be a great source of amusement for her girlfriends, if you go ahead.

jhar · 05/01/2025 20:12

OP, I mean this in the kindest possible way, but I suspect you are far far too late for that.

That chat should have happened around the time periods started.

You have taken your lead from your mum, sadly.

She's now an adult. No idea how you would even start that one.

Perhaps a mum and daughter day where you talk about your relationship with your mum and how you would like to do better.

SouthLondonMum22 · 05/01/2025 20:12

She’s at university. A talk should’ve come a long time ago. If you’ve already had talks about contraception, she doesn’t need another one.

CheshireCats · 05/01/2025 20:12

She is an adult. At her age you do not need to have a chat about contraception. Nor do you need to tell her about your unplanned pregnancy.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 05/01/2025 20:12

You don’t need to have any conversation with her. She is an adult.

She’s likely needed contraception a long time before this.

bryceQ · 05/01/2025 20:12

I mean... Wouldn't she know about this already? Can't you just asked if she needs any advice or if she feels informed?

Baileysatchristmas · 05/01/2025 20:12

It's a bit late to be having the contraception chat now.

Thatcastlethere · 05/01/2025 20:13

Yabu to have not had this conversation before now... 22 is very late to be having this discussion! My 9yo knows what contraception is!! Safe sex needs to be drummed into kids as soon as they are old enough to understand it. You've really taken a gamble here imo!!

TankFlyBossWalkJamNittyGrittyIAmFromAMidSizeCity · 05/01/2025 20:13

You should have had these chats well before now, probably around 13/14.

You don't really need to bring up a traumatic miscarriage to make a point, that's a lot of emotional stress to put on a teen who's whole life has recently changed.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 05/01/2025 20:13

I would have hoped you’d have talked about sex and contraception a long time ago. Do make her aware that emergency contraception is not always reliable and it’s useful to track her periods.

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 05/01/2025 20:13

At her age I think it highly unlikely that she would want to know about your own situation and subsequent miscarriage OP. I also think that if she wants birth control advice then she'll ask. I'd just have a chat in general and maybe in a jokey way say something like 'now, we don't have to have THE chat about keeping your legs shut, do we love?' She'll likely laugh her head off, and say 'No Mum, I know what's what and have since I was 12'. At least, that's what my daughter would have said, but if yours has had a very sheltered life, then maybe just ask if she needs any advice about birth control, and see what she says.

twistyizzy · 05/01/2025 20:13

Wow, I had the talk with DD at 11 yrs old! I think you've missed the boat. She will have been taught basics at school

MaggieBsBoat · 05/01/2025 20:14

That. Ship. Has. Sailed.
Not sure why you are thinking of this now. She’s an adult and having sex. If she doesn’t realise that sex can end in pregnancy- it’s not just you and her schools that have failed her, it’s her own common sense. And I say that as someone who had their first at 21.

FoxInTheForest · 05/01/2025 20:14

Just ask in passing if the contraception she's on is agreeing with her, with a chat about your experience with different types.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 05/01/2025 20:15

If she's at uni then she's at least 18...why have you not already had the safe sex conversation???

Monstermashermashedthemonster · 05/01/2025 20:16

I think it's a bit late to be having this conversation with your dd.

KrisAkabusi · 05/01/2025 20:18

Are you suggesting you've never had 'the talk' with her before now? This can't be real. You should have done this about 8 years ago.

BusyCaz · 05/01/2025 20:18

I'm assuming this wouldn't be the first conversation regarding contraception??

PromoJoJo · 05/01/2025 20:18

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at the poster's request.

Ponderingwindow · 05/01/2025 20:19

Um, I talk to my teenager about contraception constantly and she isn’t remotely interested in starting a relationship. She knows all the options, how I feel about physical and more importantly emotional readiness, and the importance of having a plan even if she isn’t planning on having sex.

There are condoms and the morning after pill in my medicine cabinet just in case. I put them there when she got her period and I make sure they are never expired. I also make sure she has time at least once a year with her GP without me in the room to ask any questions she wants to ask just in case she wants to ask about birth control without me present.

get talking NOW