To know how much to tell my daughters

[Happyface246]

Dd1 has gone to uni and has her first boyfriend. I think I need to have a chat with her to see if she is using contraception. My husband says that I should let her know that I got pregnant at 22 (it ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks) so that she can see that an unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone which I’m pretty sure she is already aware off! My mum and I didn’t have a close relationship and didn’t really talk about these kinds of things. I’m going to have ‘the talk’ with her but unsure as to how much I include. Any advice welcome x

she's gone to University and you're only planning to tell her now? Horse bolted etc. At least it'll provide a good laugh for her mates and her when out having the odd drink

You've missed the boat, by several years.

Unless she has SEN you are too late to the party. Even if she hasn’t previously been sexually active she’ll be fine well informed by now.

You have left this very late indeed!

My son is 16.5 and has been with his girlfriend officially since September, but unofficially since May. Have had several conversations with him about contraception/consent/respect/myths about getting pregnant etc.

I certainly don’t get everything right in this parenting lark but I think we need to have age appropriate conversations in a timely manner with our kids. Lots of people shy away from it because it’s embarrassing for them. I do understand that perhaps if you have had poor parenting/lack of guidance from your own parents it can be hard to know about when to have the conversations

blimey you have a child going of to uni.. so at the very least 18? yet you feel you need to have 'the chat'.

i think its fair to say its the first bf you are aware of, and i think its fair to say she is already aware of what sex is and what contraception is for.

i absolutely do not think you need to tell her about your unplanned pregnancy and miscarriage, what relevance does it have? most young people today are well aware of whats commonly known as 'plan B'

You could be like me and insist on telling the new boyfriend over the phone before you've even met him that DD is from a long line of incredibly fertile women, and he should be very careful.

Just have a general chat about contraception - it's unlikely she won't be using any, but it's good to suggest belt and braces. Better late than never.

Rather than being ‘the talk’ can’t it just be something normal brought up in conversation? I can casually discuss this sort of thing with my mum and other relatives as an adult.

OP, FWIW I have a daughter at uni, and one a bit younger, and they have known for a long time that I first got pregnant while still at school. I think having that in the open contributed to the sense of openness and AMA, but I don't think it will directly influence their own choices. Our youth was long ago and far away to them, and I certainly don't think you owe your dd the knowledge of your unplanned pregnancy at this stage.

My guess is that she has all the information she needs, but people's choices about risky behaviours are influenced by much more than knowledge.

She’s 22? I was a mum of two by then. I’m fairly sure she knows the ins and outs of the birds and the bees. I really expected you to be asking about a young teen

I sent my daughter off to uni with a full first aid kit, various useful items and a big box of condoms. Just have a supportive conversation with her.

I had a boyfriend at Uni. It annoyed me greatly that having both been brought up in Christian households people assumed we were having sex.

University is full of dire warnings about the need for contraception. When I went you could get free condoms! I'm not sure it's a conversation to have with your adult DD other than asking if she's being careful. "Careful" includes not having sex yet so is the politest thing I can think of!

I think that ship has sailed! If she dies not know about contraception by now she never will!

My Dad had a "quiet word" with me on the subject (at the instigation of my mum!!) on the day before my wedding. I fell about laughing!

My mum had the chat much earlier. I don't know why you would have waited till she moved for uni to have this chat rather than when she lived under your own roof?

Depending on the type of relationship you have and her personality I would just ask how she's getting on with contraception and what type she uses. Maybe chime in with what worked for you and just keep the doors of communication open so she knows she can come to you at any time.

If she has managed to make it to 22 without becoming pregnant I imagine she knows full well how to prevent pregnancy.

The time for that conversation was years ago. Bit pointless now.

I wouldn't have 'The Talk' with her but casually drop it into conversation when asking if she's met anyone at Uni & say 'well if it gets serious I hope you're careful & use contraception' Remind her that you'll always support her & that you'll be there for any awkward conversations she may need to have with you.

Contraception is free in the UK.