To know how much to tell my daughters

[Happyface246]

Dd1 has gone to uni and has her first boyfriend. I think I need to have a chat with her to see if she is using contraception. My husband says that I should let her know that I got pregnant at 22 (it ended in a miscarriage at 12 weeks) so that she can see that an unplanned pregnancy can happen to anyone which I’m pretty sure she is already aware off! My mum and I didn’t have a close relationship and didn’t really talk about these kinds of things. I’m going to have ‘the talk’ with her but unsure as to how much I include. Any advice welcome x

That’s your history and your story to tell if you want to. You shouldn’t be under pressure from anyone else. Children generally don’t listen to their parents’ cautionary tales, anyway.

Just buy her a packet of condom's and just give her a wink. No need for an awkward spoon fed conversation at her age I don't think.

I agree with PPs that are saying you're a bit late in the day for this.

Young women today are way more clued up on sex and relationships that I remember being. There is so much information that is really accessible now. She's at uni so is now an adult so I'd trust her to know how to keep herself safe with a new bf. Keep lines of communication open of course.

The problem with this is you don’t know what you don’t know. Your daughter might say she already knows it all, but what if she doesn’t. You should have the chat with your teens in their early teens even if they think they know more than you do, just so you can be sure they’ve definitely had the right messaging.

Gosh.

Bit late and also a very weird take from your husband.

This.

It’s odd you’re only thinking about this now tbh

Quick OP, shut the stable door, the horse has bolted!

She's old enough to hear it but I don't think she actually has to in order to have a serious conversation about it unless you think she is likely to be careless about it without intervention.

My DC went to uni in Sept. I sent a box of condoms.

No conversation but making it as simple as possible for them to make good choices.

The contraception chat happened years ago.

I think that ship may have sailed OP. She is an adult now and can make her own decisions, including those relating to contraception. This will likely really embarrass her!

I think it doesn’t hurt mentioning again? Like do you need me to help you start researching into what contraception could be best and having responsible sexual life; etc and how an unplanned pregnancy could be a problem. But I would not being your own experiences.

That was a conversation at 14/15.

Having the chat now seems little too late for DD1 but it’s definitely time to have the chat with any younger DDs. With regards to your early pregnancy and miscarriage, it’s up to you whether or not you want to share this information. Remember that contraception isn’t just about protecting against pregnancy, it should also be to prevent STIs.

No, you don't need to start talking about your experience of miscarriage.

Your husband can stay out of it. It's not his information to be pushing you to share as a cautionary tale.

I’m sure she will know all she needs to know at her age and does not require a ‘talk’. It’s lot different today.

You don't need to tell her about your own experience if you don't want to. Makes no odds to her knowing the risks of unprotected sex which I'm sure she already does. You can tell her she can always come to you if she has any kind of issue and you won't judge, but again you don't need to talk about yourself if you don't want to. My mum never shared anything like that with me and it never occurred to me that she would or should have.

Goodness this is definitely a conversation that should have taken place in early teens.

By 22 your DD has likely been sexually active for a number of years. Hopefully she's been aware of other resources for contraceptive support and sexual health advice

She might quite fairly so , even planning a pregnancy

It's not up to your DH what you tell your daughter about your past. He's being weird.

I hope she went to a school with good sex ed!

She didn’t say her daughter is 22, did she? She said she has just gone to university; I think it doesn’t hurt having an informal conversation with her OP.

Like have you started thinking if contraception and sending her link to different options.

now, we don't have to have THE chat about keeping your legs shut, do we love

Wtf is this advice

Hopefully she already knows about contraception. You have left it very late to have this conversation. I also wouldn't be telling her about your pregnancy and miscarriage, she doesn't need to know.

If there is good reason to believe she doesn't know about sex and contraception you need to talk to her asap. But you're probably too late.

It might be late but it's not too late to remind her about keeping safe whilst at university. I'd build it into a general safety conversation about drinks & spiking, keeping safe on nights out, alcohol safety & consent.

My friend's dd had her drink spiked during a night out whilst at university & sexually assaulted. So it's not too late to have a conversation about general safety & awareness in a new city & contraception can be mentioned as well.

If you want to have a useful conversation with her, talk to her about the unrealistic expectations porn consumption puts on both men and women.
Choking / fisting / anal etc