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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Are we being unreasonable to think she's being unreasonable

275 replies

jadeycakes666 · 04/01/2025 20:03

I am back from a late lunch with long standing friends. One of whom has recently split with husband of 19 years. She cheated on him with one of his friends. Her and husbands friend are not together and she and her husband tried for a while after she told him what had happened.

August last gone she messaged us all to say she had taken his keys and told him to get out as she couldn't stand him being so miserable. We were all slightly taken aback by the attitude seeing as she's the one who broke his heart but it's not our relationship so hey ho. We all have known her husband since they started dating and she asked that we all blank him from our lives.

When he left he stayed in hotels for a while and she told him he wasn't seeing the kids (3 of them) in a hotel until he had a stable home. He found one and she told us all she wasn't letting them go round as he didn't have enough furniture bar a sofa TV and beds for them.

She has told us herself that he has left her the house, the car and all furniture and electronics that he purchased in the house. They also had a joint account with around 22k in which she gleefully told us she had emptied and told him so and he has said no worries keep it for the kids. He also pays her £800 a month CM and sends the kids £50 Weekley for any treats etc they might ask of her so it doesn't dip into maintenance.

At Christmas she very smugly told us she was making him drop his kids presents two weeks early as she didn't see why he should be seeing them over Christmas as she was doing all the work with them, we asked how he was supposed to when she kept rejecting him asking to have them. She got annoyed.

Anyway today she has asked us all for lunch and told us she has served divorce papers and will be going for full spousal maintenance so he has no chance of getting himself on his feet and meeting anyone as he'll have to pay this on top of his voluntary maintenence. She found this really funny. She told us she's better off herself now as UC are paying a fair chunk of her housing fees.

Everyone kind of made a face and another friend sat back and told her she was being extremely insane considering the circumstances.

She stormed off after we settled the bill and has gone home and removed herself from the group chat.

OP posts:
Cadburyscreamegg · 04/01/2025 20:06

Fucking hell....
There are NO WORDS is there?!
I couldn't be friends with such a money grabbing cow...

Maboscelar · 04/01/2025 20:07

YANBU but YABU to remain friends with such a horrible woman. Be friends with her ex instead.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 04/01/2025 20:08

Is spousal maintenance a thing?

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 04/01/2025 20:08

Hope he gets a good solicitor, she's nasty!

Rowen32 · 04/01/2025 20:09

It breaks my heart people can be so cruel. Please check in with her husband.

jadeycakes666 · 04/01/2025 20:10

Rowen32 · 04/01/2025 20:09

It breaks my heart people can be so cruel. Please check in with her husband.

My husband does. They have been for a few drinks and other friends husbands all speak to him regulaly as well x

OP posts:
FrannyScraps · 04/01/2025 20:11

I don't think you can get UC with £22k in savings.

Flipslop · 04/01/2025 20:13

Wow! Why do you any inclination to keep a friendship with this piece of shit, that’s so abusive, not just of the husband but of the kids too the way she’s playing with them in her games. Absolute narcissist. Please reach out to the husband and support, I imagine she’s smashed his self worth so badly he cannot stand up for himself any longer

OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 20:13

You’re well rid of her and so is her husband. She sounds like a complete cunt.

Flipslop · 04/01/2025 20:13

FrannyScraps · 04/01/2025 20:11

I don't think you can get UC with £22k in savings.

Wrong post I think love?

JessiesJ99 · 04/01/2025 20:15

Idontjetwashthefucker · 04/01/2025 20:08

Is spousal maintenance a thing?

I didn't think so in UK - never heard of it. Maybe she means child maintenance 🤔

FrannyScraps · 04/01/2025 20:15

Flipslop · 04/01/2025 20:13

Wrong post I think love?

Err no it's not and don't call me love 🙄

OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 20:15

Flipslop · 04/01/2025 20:13

Wrong post I think love?

OP said the friend gets UC

You can’t have more than £6k without them reducing the amount. £16k and you’re not entitled.

Flipslop · 04/01/2025 20:16

OurDreamLife · 04/01/2025 20:15

OP said the friend gets UC

You can’t have more than £6k without them reducing the amount. £16k and you’re not entitled.

My bad! Was looking at another thread about UC earlier and thought she’d mixed them up.. but nope that’s me who did 😂

jadeycakes666 · 04/01/2025 20:16

FrannyScraps · 04/01/2025 20:11

I don't think you can get UC with £22k in savings.

I'm not sure she's declared it!

OP posts:
AyrnotAir · 04/01/2025 20:16

I'd of told her she was a fucking disgusting, spiteful, selfish, nasty cunt who doesn't deserve her children or him and she could go to hell as far as I was concerned. Good riddance to her. If she treats a husband she had children with and supposedly loved like that I can't imagine how she'd treat an ex friend.

JessiesJ99 · 04/01/2025 20:17

I mean she sounds like a complete b but come on....he really needs to step up now & fight for his kids. Why is he allowing this???

watchuswreckthemic · 04/01/2025 20:18

Definitely not a person I'd be friends with and I feel terribly sorry for her poor kids and ex.

moonmaker93 · 04/01/2025 20:19

Yeesh! She sounds awful. God forbid, but with s-cide rates higher for men, it does make me worry for him. I hope one of you or your partners can check in on him/make sure has a decent support network? Poor man.

Hayley1256 · 04/01/2025 20:20

Someone needs to be telling her STBEXH that he should go 5050, it's not going to do his kids any favours if he has no stability to offer them

Itisjustmyopinion · 04/01/2025 20:20

And she is the one that had the affair. She is a nasty piece of work

Hope her ex takes her to the absolute cleaners and if some of this intel happens to make his way to him when he meets up with the husbands well that’s not so great for her is it…

ChildrenOfTheQuorn · 04/01/2025 20:20

You sound a bit spineless, OP. Perhaps if you'd drawn attention to her behaviour earlier it wouldn’t have got to this point. Friendship isn't just sitting back, smiling, nodding along like the Churchill dog. Sometimes it's about honesty and encouraging friends to reflect on their actions.

thepariscrimefiles · 04/01/2025 20:20

JessiesJ99 · 04/01/2025 20:17

I mean she sounds like a complete b but come on....he really needs to step up now & fight for his kids. Why is he allowing this???

Exactly. If he went to court, the starting point for access to his children is normally 50:50. He needs a good solicitor. I'm not sure why she would be eligible for spousal maintenance.

arcticpandas · 04/01/2025 20:21

Spousal maintenance ? You're not in the UK? Because I've never heard about this before. In the US on the other hand...

Noflukeforthenuke · 04/01/2025 20:22

Spousal maintenance is a thing, but it’s quite rare.

its usually awarded if there is a huge disparity in earnings- he would need to be a very high earner I would think.

He needs to grow a back one and say no to her. He needs a solicitor that will get him fixed times with the kids.

if he wants 50/50 he can get it. She’d then be lucky to get CMS. He should also make sure the 22k joint savings goes towards her share of settlement

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