Are we being unreasonable to think she's being unreasonable

[jadeycakes666]

I am back from a late lunch with long standing friends. One of whom has recently split with husband of 19 years. She cheated on him with one of his friends. Her and husbands friend are not together and she and her husband tried for a while after she told him what had happened.

August last gone she messaged us all to say she had taken his keys and told him to get out as she couldn't stand him being so miserable. We were all slightly taken aback by the attitude seeing as she's the one who broke his heart but it's not our relationship so hey ho. We all have known her husband since they started dating and she asked that we all blank him from our lives.

When he left he stayed in hotels for a while and she told him he wasn't seeing the kids (3 of them) in a hotel until he had a stable home. He found one and she told us all she wasn't letting them go round as he didn't have enough furniture bar a sofa TV and beds for them.

She has told us herself that he has left her the house, the car and all furniture and electronics that he purchased in the house. They also had a joint account with around 22k in which she gleefully told us she had emptied and told him so and he has said no worries keep it for the kids. He also pays her £800 a month CM and sends the kids £50 Weekley for any treats etc they might ask of her so it doesn't dip into maintenance.

At Christmas she very smugly told us she was making him drop his kids presents two weeks early as she didn't see why he should be seeing them over Christmas as she was doing all the work with them, we asked how he was supposed to when she kept rejecting him asking to have them. She got annoyed.

Anyway today she has asked us all for lunch and told us she has served divorce papers and will be going for full spousal maintenance so he has no chance of getting himself on his feet and meeting anyone as he'll have to pay this on top of his voluntary maintenence. She found this really funny. She told us she's better off herself now as UC are paying a fair chunk of her housing fees.

Everyone kind of made a face and another friend sat back and told her she was being extremely insane considering the circumstances.

She stormed off after we settled the bill and has gone home and removed herself from the group chat.

Apparently as she never worked and was a sahm she qualifies

I couldn't be friends with her

We are in the UK. I'm only going off what she told me. Apparently she can qualify as she was a sahm

The husband needs to know this info and share it with his solicitor

Your friend is a cunt!
She cheated and now is making her ex's life a misery on purpose and the worst thing, using her kids as weapons against her ex.

Good to know. Sahm here, I'll throw out DH tomorrow 😅

This is spot on.

The only one likely to make out of this is her solicitor - let her get on with it. awful woman

Wow.

This woman must hate herself so much to be so utterly obnoxious

She's probably spent a lot of the 22k so might be able to get UC? Tbh I don't have a great deal of sympathy for him. I understand very few women get spousal allowance in the UK? If she's entitled to it he must be earning a lot of money I would think - and I'm not talking 100k. If this is the case why did he not get a solicitor from day 1 & fight this b for his kids sake??!

I must say it sounds like the husband is just lying down and taking it without standing up for himself.

This happened to ex-dp’s old boss. After she cheated He went for full custody, got to stay in the house. Kept the kids. His ex wife lives in a bedsit and works park time in the local garden centre for NMW, after being a SAHM in a big house bankrolled by her lovely husband.
It’s possible for him to win.

She sounds like a comic book villian.

Why are you friends with such a person? Did you need an interesting thread for aibu?

He doesn't earn that much. More 50k. I'm not sure she's correct but I'm only going off what she's told me.

I'd let her remove herself from the group. What a horrible lady and very sad fir the children. Unless he was somehow abusive or something else was going on , she's been extremely unreasonable. Poor children

You don't have a lot of sympathy for him because he earns a good wage?! The man was cheated on and lost his family unit as he knows it as a result.

Hopefully, she'll come unstuck. A very difficult position for you & dh to be in.

I think your friend is both a nasty piece of work and talking out her backside to be honest.
Spousal Maintenance is rare these days as there is the understanding that if fit enough to work then everyone if working age should be able to support themselves post divorce. It’s more common that the lower earner or one whose career has taken the hit by being a stay at home parent or working part time will get a bigger cut of shared assets but that’s it. Time to get back to work.
Also if she is claiming the UC as she says and has those savings then she is fraudulently claiming.
She had it sweet with the level of support he was providing for his children but she’s got greedy. Any solicitor advising her probably just sees her as a walking dollar sign in legal fees. Also going so big on financial claims she’s opening her own finances up to scrutiny. She will be ordered to produce all statements going back at least a year for every account and from what you’ve said I smell a big rat.

I'd consider this as the trash took itself out. What a nasty person.

She sounds like awful person.

Her husband needs to know you're all there to support him through this. He also needs to know his rights as this is grossly unfair.

I have no sympathy for a man who can afford a solicitor to fight for his kids but chooses not to.

Ditto
What a selfish, nasty, money grabbing woman
I really feel for her ex

Also had the ex husband just taken this lying down?
Has he contacted a solicitor? He must not really want to see his kids if he hasnt done anything.

She's actually disgusting.

You are both wrong and rude.

I feel so bad for the husband and the kids! What a vile individual she is.

Continue to support the husband and I wouldn't hesitate to report her to authorities if you feel she is being fraudulent.

Karma will get her in the end! I guess it has to an extent as she has lost all her friends.