Are we being unreasonable to think she's being unreasonable

[jadeycakes666]

I am back from a late lunch with long standing friends. One of whom has recently split with husband of 19 years. She cheated on him with one of his friends. Her and husbands friend are not together and she and her husband tried for a while after she told him what had happened.

August last gone she messaged us all to say she had taken his keys and told him to get out as she couldn't stand him being so miserable. We were all slightly taken aback by the attitude seeing as she's the one who broke his heart but it's not our relationship so hey ho. We all have known her husband since they started dating and she asked that we all blank him from our lives.

When he left he stayed in hotels for a while and she told him he wasn't seeing the kids (3 of them) in a hotel until he had a stable home. He found one and she told us all she wasn't letting them go round as he didn't have enough furniture bar a sofa TV and beds for them.

She has told us herself that he has left her the house, the car and all furniture and electronics that he purchased in the house. They also had a joint account with around 22k in which she gleefully told us she had emptied and told him so and he has said no worries keep it for the kids. He also pays her £800 a month CM and sends the kids £50 Weekley for any treats etc they might ask of her so it doesn't dip into maintenance.

At Christmas she very smugly told us she was making him drop his kids presents two weeks early as she didn't see why he should be seeing them over Christmas as she was doing all the work with them, we asked how he was supposed to when she kept rejecting him asking to have them. She got annoyed.

Anyway today she has asked us all for lunch and told us she has served divorce papers and will be going for full spousal maintenance so he has no chance of getting himself on his feet and meeting anyone as he'll have to pay this on top of his voluntary maintenence. She found this really funny. She told us she's better off herself now as UC are paying a fair chunk of her housing fees.

Everyone kind of made a face and another friend sat back and told her she was being extremely insane considering the circumstances.

She stormed off after we settled the bill and has gone home and removed herself from the group chat.

This sounds like parental alienation to me. She is telling lies about him to his children so they don't want to come to his home or spend any time with him. He really needs to take her to court.

She is playing with fire, parental alienation is a thing and child arrangement orders start with a premise of 50/50 contact. 'Mummy doesn't like daddy and thinks he's a nasty man' won't wash with a judge. Believe me, there's a LOT of very abusive exes who have substantial contact. Ducks in a row time and he needs to stop giving in to keep the peace, it hasn't worked and has actually made things worse for him.

She is a very nasty person.

I will never understand how you can spend years apparently loving someone and then be so cruel.

If you want to end things then do it in a way with as little damage to your ex (and kids) as possible.

She’s a selfish bitch and I hope that when she regrets this (which she will) and she has no friends because people have seen what she’s really like, that he doesn’t feel sorry for her and take her back.

I think you and your girl friends should make it a mission to find him a lovely gorgeous new girlfriend. He sounds like a wonderful man.

Hopefully she'll get the shock of her life when his solicitor informs hers that she has earning potential and needs to get a job to fund her own lifestyle. A friend of mine has an ex wife that tried to fleece him, she was taking 10k a month from his bank and he didn't even notice until his solicitor started delving into the finances. She got the shock of her life when he stopped it and only walked away with a small house and she was told to fund her own I come. You get back what you give out.

I’d be dropping her if she didn’t already remove herself from the group

far too often these days people take the stance when other do horrible, immoral actions that it isn’t their business nor their place to judge and just ignore their behaviour. So much so, it has become accepted behaviour to lie, cheat and steal with only the high value personal stealing bring frowned upon

good for the friend who spoke up. More people need to do this.

Then report her

She’s a cunt. Hope he gets back on his feet.

Who says he isn’t? It can take months for it to go to court, and during that time the mum could just refuse to let him see them. And even once a court order is in place, nothing really will happen to the mother if she still refuses him access.

I hope the Karma bus hits her big time.

i hope her poor husband isn’t going to let this nasty, selfish bitch walk all over him? She’s pure Evil and I hope her poor husband finds a good solicitor to put that bitch in her place.

Men can’t claim parental alienation on MN, apparently it doesn’t happen and it is only abusive men who claim it!

Personally I'd be reporting her to jobcentre for fraudulent UC claim, I'd also suggest to husband to document EVERYTHING he provided for the household, and when she's dipped into joint account t for her own gain. Also need to keep all proof of affair as that will definitely go against her on divorce. Make sure he has a financial order out in place with divorce that she can't claim on his future pension etc if he gets in a better financial situation. Also he needs to fight for kids in divorce...those poor kids will be twisted up something rotten by her

She won't get spousal maintenance on that salary.

And if she did they'd take it off her UC.

Sounds like you're right to cut ties with her though.

I couldn't be friends with someone like this, so I'd be more than happy that she'd fucked off from the group chat and, hopefully, out of my life completely.

Then report her. It won't affect any child maintenance she gets, that is always ignored when assessing someone for any kind of benefits.

Don't see why my taxes should go to supporting her when she is being an unreasonable money grabbing cow

Spousal maintenance can be awarded in the UK (don't know if that's the term that's used though). A family member of mine had to pay it to his ex-wife (of 36 years), but it stopped when she remarried/after 5 years or something. But he was very wealthy and she had given up her career to support him in his building up his very successful business.

I think fact he was wealthy was why it could be awarded

Someone on £50k per year isnt going to be able to keep 2 houses going so she really should be realistic

She broke the marriage up.

Now is alienating the children from him.

I'm glad she went home and came off all the groups; i couldn't be friends with somebody that vicious when it comes to the other parent and kids.

What a disgusting woman.

It is alienation.

Happens to men and women.

But yes in the media and such like is deemed as a toy abusive parents use.... I wish it was that simple.

Can go to court until the cows come home, people like this, they get away with it cos they brainwash the kids.....

And really. Why should any parent have to go through court to see their child?

Spousal maintenance is definitely a think for those saying it isn’t in the uk.
OP why the hell are you still friends with this woman! The YABU here is you remaining friends with someone like this!

I would be telling him everything, blocking her and never wanting to speak to her again. How she could use her own children that way is disgusting. I wouldn't want her as a friend ever again.

If I were you, I'd report her to UC. She's committing fraud by not declaring how much money she has (as someone else has said, you can't get UC at all if you have more than 16k) and they do take this very seriously! I would also cut her from your life. What a nasty woman! Her husband sounds like a saint

It’s a thing if the one paying it is very well off or an extremely high earner

Someone on £50k per year isn’t going to be able to sustain his exw and dc in one home and a home big enough for himself and his children staying over

I’d actually stay ‘friends’ so I could find out what’s she’s planning. Once the divorce is settled I’d drop her

spousal maintenance - my husbands friend ex wife went for it (she left him as she came out as gay) Kids were 6, 2 and 1. She was sham. He was mid earner. She got awarded nothing. He has chosen to pay maintenance even though custody is 50/50 for two and 100% for one. He wanted the kids to be ok. Two kids are over 18 and he has no requirement to pay for them, he’s kept the amount he pays at the same level as he chose to pay for the three kids. He’ll stop once the youngest (17 now) reaches 18. She was told to get a job by the judge

My DB partners ex husband (he had affair and left her for OW) went for spousal maintenance. He’d never worked, was a sahd, claimed he was too disabled to work, no qualifications. She’s a relatively high earner. She got over 50% assets and he also got told to get a job. He also got less than 50% of her pension. Basically as they’d been separated 6/7 years before they divorced and he’d not got a job despite having no childcare responsibilities (kids over 18 and lived full time with Mum) the judge took off 7 years of mortgage payments off his half the assets!!!!

i think maintenance is hard to get so I think your friend is in for a shock!!!!