Are we being unreasonable to think she's being unreasonable

[jadeycakes666]

I am back from a late lunch with long standing friends. One of whom has recently split with husband of 19 years. She cheated on him with one of his friends. Her and husbands friend are not together and she and her husband tried for a while after she told him what had happened.

August last gone she messaged us all to say she had taken his keys and told him to get out as she couldn't stand him being so miserable. We were all slightly taken aback by the attitude seeing as she's the one who broke his heart but it's not our relationship so hey ho. We all have known her husband since they started dating and she asked that we all blank him from our lives.

When he left he stayed in hotels for a while and she told him he wasn't seeing the kids (3 of them) in a hotel until he had a stable home. He found one and she told us all she wasn't letting them go round as he didn't have enough furniture bar a sofa TV and beds for them.

She has told us herself that he has left her the house, the car and all furniture and electronics that he purchased in the house. They also had a joint account with around 22k in which she gleefully told us she had emptied and told him so and he has said no worries keep it for the kids. He also pays her £800 a month CM and sends the kids £50 Weekley for any treats etc they might ask of her so it doesn't dip into maintenance.

At Christmas she very smugly told us she was making him drop his kids presents two weeks early as she didn't see why he should be seeing them over Christmas as she was doing all the work with them, we asked how he was supposed to when she kept rejecting him asking to have them. She got annoyed.

Anyway today she has asked us all for lunch and told us she has served divorce papers and will be going for full spousal maintenance so he has no chance of getting himself on his feet and meeting anyone as he'll have to pay this on top of his voluntary maintenence. She found this really funny. She told us she's better off herself now as UC are paying a fair chunk of her housing fees.

Everyone kind of made a face and another friend sat back and told her she was being extremely insane considering the circumstances.

She stormed off after we settled the bill and has gone home and removed herself from the group chat.

Why is the ex husband not challenging any of this?
Get a good solicitor and take it to court if necessary. They will examine everything. Yes it is costly to do this, but no more than what the poor man is paying now for no contact with his kids.

Tbf I was wondering the same.

Tbh I don't have a great deal of sympathy for him
His wife cheated on him, has weaponised their DC, and plans to take him to the cleaners. Is there no sympathy because he’s a man?

Yeah, OK. Well, it says something about you if you remain friends with this thundercunt.

There is no sympathy for him because he is not fighting for his children. We're lead to believe he is a high earner if she thinks she's gonna get spousal maintenance, so why did he not get a solicitor from day 1? I would say exactly the same if it was a woman. Imagine a man having an affair, and then he decides to kick the wife out the house, and she leaves???!!! Utterly ridiculous!

What a horrible bitch, I couldn’t be friends with her, team husband all the way, if I were him I would move back into the house

I hope she falls off a cliff. Can you imagine being raised by such a vile specimen?

I hope you're all encouraging him to drag her to court for access to his children. Presumably he's being a pushover as he's still reeling from the atrocious behaviour of your friend, but will soon locate his backbone?

Just, wow!

Encourage him to get a good solicitor and fight to see his children.

Be glad she has removed herself from your friendship group and, if she makes contact with any of you in the future, be honest if you don't agree with her behaviour.

Horrible woman. Cut her out and invite the husband to social things.

We don’t know the stage he’s at. He may have only just received the divorce notification and with Christmas & NY not been able to see a solicitor yet. Plus instructing them, any responses or letters all take time.
Until now it sounds like he’s just been trying to keep the peace for his children’s sake. This woman sounds volatile and abusive. A victim is a victim no matter their gender.

I seems to be that way unless he is planning something in the background which I really hope he is!

Block her, send her ex the screen shots of all her plans and details of a very ruthless divorce solicitor. Then advise him to go after her for half the joint account money and everything he's entitled to. The nasty cow deserves everything that's coming to her.

I am fairly certain that spousal maintenance is counted as income for UC so it won’t help her if she does get it.

For anyone suggesting we shouldn't have any sympathy for this man because he's not gone through the courts just yet, how do we know when he received the divorce papers? Also, perhaps he wants to avoid the courts for his children. He agreed to her keeping the £22k she drew out of one of their accounts "for the kids" so maybe that's his motive. Who knows. Either way, at the end of the day, the female friend is in the wrong here as the cheater (and someone who, by OPs own admission is very gleeful about the whole thing) and if she was my friend I'd be telling her so.

@jadeycakes666 she sounds deranged!

Menopausal mid life crisis??

I'd be contacting UC to let them know about the cash.

I'd also be siding with the husband and have nothing to do with her.

She’ll get a rude awakening in the divorce. She’ll be expected to work, both by the divorce settlement and by UC. She’s not going to walk into a job she deems befitting if she’s never worked. If he decides to seek access, pay at CMS rates and but his kids extras separately, she’ll be getting a lot less than £800 a month.

Ah I get you. In fairness to him on MN a high earner is on £40k and after rent and bills, £800 maintenance plus treat money, he might not have money for a red hot solicitor. You’d hope he’d have the backbone to stand up to the bitch but I imagine it’s been an emotionally abusive marriage so far and maybe she’s beaten it out of him.

She sounds absolutely vile. Spousal maintenance is a thing (occasionally) in the UK, but I only know one person who received it for a few years until her dc was 16 I think. It's on top of CM. Exact terms vary from agreement to agreement. She's a nasty piece of work from what you've said, and I hope people realise that and support her STBExH.

Jings what a horrible thing to do. I think supporting the husband is the best thing you can do, he needs the friendships by the sound of it and deserves that. I'm so glad your own husband is in touch with him.

If someone in your group is single and fancies him, they should fuck the ex husband. That would really boil this horrible woman's piss!

It says she sent him packing in August by taking his keys. I would have been looking into a solicitor immediately with her unreasonable behaviour and focusing the divorce on her having an affair. Sounds like he has been giving her a lot of money over the last few months and trying to be decent, but not getting anything in return.

Why did her husband leave the house? Is his name still on it?

Your friend sounds like an evil bitch.

He left the house as he didn't want his kids to be witness to any arguing, also he wanted them to remain in their home regardless.

She called us to lunch to say she is serving them so he hasn't had them yet. He has spoken to solicitors and she has refused mediation, so he is now waiting for the next steps with that- according to my husband anyway.

He should move back in and she move out, he hasn't done anything wrong.