To ask if you know anyone personally who got pregnant by lying about contraception?

[Pavemw]

Just that, really. I have an extremely close friend who confided in me at new year that her 11 year old dd wasn’t actually an accident. I have known her half my life and our kids are friends. She was with this man for a short time and the relationship did not last the pregnancy although he does see his dd and has been pretty good to my friend financially.

I can’t get my head around it. This is someone who I go to for advice. She’s always empathetic and kind. I can’t even believe she would have done it and I don’t know why it’s bothering me as much as it is. I don’t know her ex, haven’t seen him in many years. I almost feel she’s lied to me too, which I know is silly. She said she was late 30s, had been told her fertility wasn’t great and had had enough of being messed around by men, so when this next one seemed keen to commit she just went for it. I know she has been treated badly in the past and has always put her heart out there only to be messed about or strung along so I can almost feel how frustrated she would have been but… to do this? I can’t imagine it as I had my two in a happy marriage. Maybe I being horribly judgmental. I can’t reconcile this with who I thought she was all these years. Am I being dramatic?!

Not quite

a PP said:
So you could go through a whole pregnancy and hand the child over without a second thought?

And you replied
Women do everyday

Though I suspect pregnancy isn’t perhaps in your remit.

But you think women hand babies over every day without a second thought?

My brothers girlfriend. They ended up with 2 children as after the 1st he felt he should stay. They got married and now divorced.

She took drugs around the children and kept getting drunk. He didn’t get the children, she did. She calmed down luckily and children are 11 and 15

Can you read my posts again because you have totally misunderstood?? Can you perhaps also read the posts from the poster I have been responding to?!

I did NOT deny that children are abandoned every day! I said I didn't believe the majority of them were handed over lightly!!

Comprende?

My former SIL’s mother was adopted.

Her parents did not feel able to raise her in the UK at the time as it was too hard for a mixed couple.

So they gave her up. But then got back together with each other, had more children but never bothered to go back for my FSIL’s mother (weirdly.)

Yes, I know one. The man had always been absolutely clear that he didn't want children and his wife married him supposedly accepting that. She lied about taking the pill, got pregnant and he left her.

Yes, a friends ex wife. They had 2 boys and she convinced him to try one more time for a girl, promised it would be the last one. They had another little boy she was actually devastated and begged him for number 4. He said no and started to use condoms and was considering a vasectomy. His wife said she had a coil inserted and they had sex without condoms. A week before his vasectomy she let him know she was pregnant with number 4 and swore blind the coil had shifted. He said that was when his marriage failed as he knew she was lying and being manipulative. They could barely afford 3 children as she was a SAHM and they lived in a 2 bedroom house. After DS number 4 was born they split up. She actually once said ‘DS1 was amazing, the rest were a disappointment.’ She was so blinded by her desperation for a girl.

@wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting nope. I was very easy to find if she wanted to. Why put money and effort to find someone who abandoned me once (not that I blame her)? Didn’t want to fuck up her life either, or put myself through more rejection.

My life was pretty crap(better than going in the system though), but I'm ok now. Thank you.

I've got relatives that were only born because Mum wanted to have a son, and stabbed needles through condom packets.
the resulting son is flamboyantly gay.

I love him, and I'm glad he exists, but what his Mum did is morally inexcusable.

Actually you said it would not be possible for a woman to carry a child to term and have nothing to do with it and yet….that happens. Everyday.

Some women don’t want motherhood and carrying a child to term does not change that.

so?

Stop telling porkies. @wigsonthegreenandhatsforthelifting said nothing of the sort. She denied the concept that women “give up their child every day without a second thought” because it’s simply not true

No I said women carry children to term and have nothing to do with them.

That is a demonstrable fact.

If you want to discuss “without a second thought” go and discuss it with the person who said it.

I cannot comment on the inner mind workings of millions of women. I cannot only comment on what can be observed and in response to the claim that a woman who carries a child to term would not be able to choose to have nothing to do with it.

Clearly false.

ETA (in addition to adoption and abandoning a baby we also have mothers who abandon kids mid way through rearing them.)

The money won’t be used just for the child - will it ?

Maybe you should read the entire thread and stop lying. This is what happens when you jump in mid way.

Oh god, that's awful @BlueSilverCats! My heart goes out to you. I watch Long Lost Family sometimes and I know it's a TV programme and not representative but sometimes family reunions seem to work.

I'm glad you're ok now. It must have taken a lot of soul-searching and difficult times to get to that place. Well done you xx

I'd be fairly sure that your mother didn't do it easily though. I think very few mums do xx

It was not for you so don’t need to understand the relevance.

No you said “women do everyday” in direct response to someone saying “So you could give up a baby without a second thought?”

You can deny it all you want but we can all read what you put.

Or by saying “Women do everyday” were you referring to something different entirely? If so why respond with those words to that particular post?

I see what you’re doing and you’re not bright enough to pull it off I’m afraid

Why put it on a discussion forum then 😂

You claim I’m lying but we can read your posts 😂 why are you denying you said what you said? Do you think we are all blind?

I'm almost certain my friends ex boyfriend didn't withdrawal method as he claims he was doing and got her pregnant intentionally

Right.

I can’t say I’ve ever known anyone pay maintenance that goes above and beyond what it costs to raise a child.

I never said “without a second thought”.

So if you want to discuss that take it up with the person who said it.

My position is, as always, carrying a child to term to term does not prevent a woman walking away from it and never looking back.

Which happens everyday.

I'm not sure if I know of any that have done it personally but I have been encouraged to do it by a former friend.
Was with my ex for 10+ years, no kids, and relationship was starting to go down hill. I confided in her about the relationship problems and she suggested, quite bluntly, to lie about contraception and get pregnant.
I was completely shocked and saw her in a new light after that.
The ex and I limped on, things came to a head within a year and I ended it.

When I told said friend about the breakup she said all kinds of things about my ex, including that he had tried it on with her at a party (some weeks before she tried to convince me to trick him into a pregnancy).

I was absolutely stunned and could never fully relax around her. What a cow.

All these examples of women stabbing condoms and lying about contraception just show that men should not risk having PIV sex with a woman unless they are happy to raise a child with her for the next 20 years. Or they have had a vasectomy.

If men were more responsible about their own actions it would prevent a lot of problems. Fewer abortions and less child poverty for a start.